In the week since my last post:
1. Tinsaye got strep throat, was sick all last weekend and missed two days of school (which meant Brian and I each missed a day of work).
2. We discovered that the roof is leaking by the chimney and now we have water damage down the wall in our living room.
3. Our hot water heater broke and started leaking all over the basement.
4. We took the van in for an oil change and learned that it needs $600 worth of repairs.
On the up side, we are going to a waterpark/hotel for a couple days (as long as we make it through the coming snow/ice storm) and that should be a blast. Right now, everyone is healthy and it will be nice to not look at the water stain in the living room for a few days. And our shiny new industrial-size hot water heater is cranking out the BTUs... Brian promises it's big enough to not run out of hot water in spite of the 400 loads of laundry he does per week.
I appreciate those of you who took the time to message me last week. I need all the encouragement I can get.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Overload
[Caution: this is not a happy post, sorry. But it's my blog and I feel the need to vent a bit.]
One of the really crummy things about Michigan winters is being constantly surrounded by germs. The kids pick up everything and then share it with all of us. In the last month Solomon was throwing up, sore throat, cough, missed several days of school. Meredith had pinkeye and now she and Solomon both have Fifths Disease. Tinsaye and Thomas have had random upper respiratory problems and digestive complaints, but they haven't missed school. It's all viral (except the pinkeye) and nothing can be done except wait it out. In the meantime, Brian and I have to miss work, reschedule plans, take them to the doctor and/or pharmacy, and try to guess who will get it next while frantically disinfecting the house. We knew we were probably going to have plenty of sick times with everyone getting used to new germs, but this is getting really frustrating.
Everything would be so much easier if one of us wasn't working. I love my job (mostly), and I really don't want to be not working at all, but I there are times when I think I would give anything if my responsibilities were cut in half.
Things at school have been really horribly lately. Due to declining enrollment in our district, the school board is considering closing a middle school and/or moving 5th grade to middle school and completely reconfiguring all buildings k-8. This has turned into a political and emotional Armageddon for the entire school community. No decision has been made yet and every day that goes by ratchets up the fear, anger, and mistrust that everyone is feeling. Every conversation I have with staff and parents involves this issue. It poisons my days. Additionally, I've had a lot of serious issues with students and parents that are really stressing me out. I am not having fun at work AT ALL these days. Nothing I do seems to be about teaching and learning anymore. It seems to be about documenting my decisions, disciplining students whose parents are then angry with me, avoiding politically sensitive conversations, and basically getting through the day.
Then I come home to sick kids. Or I have to suddenly leave work early to go get a sick kid, adding further stress to my days. The burden of the responsibilities I have on a daily basis is really wearing me down.
When I was a kid, both sets of my grandparents lived within 2 miles of our house. Sometimes I have fantasies of having my parents and my in-laws that close, so that the kids could go there if I was late getting home. Or they could pick up the sick kid from school or stay home with them when they suddenly start puking at 7:30am. Or we could eat dinner at their house when I just can't face figuring out a meal at the end of a really horrible day. We have amazing neighbors and friends who have helped us out a million times in situations like this, but I always feel guilty about this, like I can't quite keep my life together. I don't think I'd feel the same guilt if family was helping out.
I can't stop working, we need the insurance even if we could figure out a way to do with the money. My parents and inlaws aren't moving in next door any time soon. I guess I'll just deal. Fatigue, stress, guilt... that's how I roll for now.
One of the really crummy things about Michigan winters is being constantly surrounded by germs. The kids pick up everything and then share it with all of us. In the last month Solomon was throwing up, sore throat, cough, missed several days of school. Meredith had pinkeye and now she and Solomon both have Fifths Disease. Tinsaye and Thomas have had random upper respiratory problems and digestive complaints, but they haven't missed school. It's all viral (except the pinkeye) and nothing can be done except wait it out. In the meantime, Brian and I have to miss work, reschedule plans, take them to the doctor and/or pharmacy, and try to guess who will get it next while frantically disinfecting the house. We knew we were probably going to have plenty of sick times with everyone getting used to new germs, but this is getting really frustrating.
Everything would be so much easier if one of us wasn't working. I love my job (mostly), and I really don't want to be not working at all, but I there are times when I think I would give anything if my responsibilities were cut in half.
Things at school have been really horribly lately. Due to declining enrollment in our district, the school board is considering closing a middle school and/or moving 5th grade to middle school and completely reconfiguring all buildings k-8. This has turned into a political and emotional Armageddon for the entire school community. No decision has been made yet and every day that goes by ratchets up the fear, anger, and mistrust that everyone is feeling. Every conversation I have with staff and parents involves this issue. It poisons my days. Additionally, I've had a lot of serious issues with students and parents that are really stressing me out. I am not having fun at work AT ALL these days. Nothing I do seems to be about teaching and learning anymore. It seems to be about documenting my decisions, disciplining students whose parents are then angry with me, avoiding politically sensitive conversations, and basically getting through the day.
Then I come home to sick kids. Or I have to suddenly leave work early to go get a sick kid, adding further stress to my days. The burden of the responsibilities I have on a daily basis is really wearing me down.
When I was a kid, both sets of my grandparents lived within 2 miles of our house. Sometimes I have fantasies of having my parents and my in-laws that close, so that the kids could go there if I was late getting home. Or they could pick up the sick kid from school or stay home with them when they suddenly start puking at 7:30am. Or we could eat dinner at their house when I just can't face figuring out a meal at the end of a really horrible day. We have amazing neighbors and friends who have helped us out a million times in situations like this, but I always feel guilty about this, like I can't quite keep my life together. I don't think I'd feel the same guilt if family was helping out.
I can't stop working, we need the insurance even if we could figure out a way to do with the money. My parents and inlaws aren't moving in next door any time soon. I guess I'll just deal. Fatigue, stress, guilt... that's how I roll for now.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Behavior Management 101
We are super lucky that all the kids are good students, hard workers, and behave themselves in school. We have made it abundantly clear that we expect nothing less.
Two weeks ago Solomon's teacher, Miss Johnson, emailed me that he was ignoring her student teacher's directions and misbehaving in class and that same day the recess ladies came in to tell her that he had ignored their directions on the playground as well. When he came home from school that day I said calmly, "Solomon, Miss Johnson told me that you had some problems at school today." His siblings all froze in their tracks and looked intently at him... then me... then him... something big was going down here and they didn't want to miss anything.
Solomon dropped his head, stared at the floor, stuck out his bottom lip, and refused to respond. So I said, "Let's go up to my room and you can explain the situation." Not good for the sibs, who just lost their front row seat to The Smackdown.. Up in my room, I continued to get the lip and complete absence of eye contact, punctuated occasionally with high-pitched, inarticulate whining. After 30 minutes of attempted avoidance and denial, he FINALLY admitted that he was not following directions and then he cried hysterically for another 10 minutes. I hugged him and reassured him that dad and I will always love him and it's okay to make mistakes. However, problems at school always mean consequences at home and that for the rest of the night he had lost his TV, computer, and video games AND tomorrow he needed to go to the recess ladies and the student teacher an apologize and tell them what he was going to do differently next time. He accepted this bad news with resignation, sniffed up the last of his tears, and carried on with his electronically diminished evening.
The next day I emailed Miss Johnson to find out if he apologized to her. No he didn't, and he claimed he didn't know who the recess ladies were, so no apology there either and he came back from PE crying because he had gotten the Dreaded Pink Note from the PE teacher Mrs. Wilson for not following directions in PE! Three strikes. Bad news. He slunk in the door at 4:30, avoiding eye contact at all costs, hoping to go unnoticed. No such luck. He was dragged back up to my room for another Smackdown. This time, however, it only took about 10 minutes of pouting/avoidance/whining before he 'fessed up and the crying only lasted about 5 minutes. But.."because you didn't get the message the first time, you lost all your electronics again tonight AND you have to stay in your room except for dinner AND dad is going to drive you to school tomorrow and walk you in to find all the people you need to apologize to and make sure you do it."
The next day was not fun for poor Solomon. Dad witnessed the teacher apologies, but the recess ladies were not in yet, so he told Thomas to verify that Solomon did apologize to them and report out at dinner. Thomas LOVES to play any role in connection with meting out justice. At dinner he verified that, yes indeed, Solomon did apologize to the recess ladies. I said to Solomon, "I'm really proud of you for handling this, honey. Was it really hard for you?" and he said, "I am very scared, so I go to corner of playground and I pray 'Jesus, make me not be scared' and then I go say 'I am sorry I not listening to you and I do a better job listening now' and they say 'is okay Solomon' and Miss Jenny is hugging me and then I go back to corner of playground and I pray 'Jesus, help me not do any more bad stuff today so I do not have to apologize to anyone else!'" Beautiful. How can you not adore a kid like this?
So all is well for several days. Miss Johnson reported improvement, no Dreaded Pink Notes, everything is cool. Then last week Solomon came in the door with head down, lip out, but this time he is already holding the Dreaded Pink Note in his hand. No attempt to avoid the inevitable. He was going down hard and he met his fate with courage and resignation. I said, "Solomon! Another pink note? What happened?"
"Mom, I am having a very bad day. My stomach is hurting all morning, VERRRRRRRY bad, but you say no calling home unless you is barfing so I just stay but my stomach is SO sore and then I eat lunch and it is better but then my head is hurting VERRRRRRRRRY bad, and my eye is hurting too [note to reader: this is extreme manipulation because he knows we worry endlessly about his eyes so this was really his ace in the hole, used only for dire straits] and then I go to PE and then..... I get pink note for squeezing the chicken." Big sad tears come out.
Okay, so... I'm thinking several things simultaneously: a) squeezing the chicken???? what?!?!?!?! I hope that doesn't mean what I'm afraid it means. b) don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh c) what am I going to come up with for the next level of consequences? d) I can't WAIT to tell Brian!!!
But I calmly say "Can you explain exactly what chicken you were squeezing and why this was a problem for Mrs. Wilson in PE?" Turns out they were playing a game like Steal the Bacon and they were using a rubber chicken as the object to steal. Mrs. Wilson had asked all the kids to not touch the chicken while she was giving directions but to a little kid who'd never seen a rubber chicken, that thing was crazy cool and begging to be squeezed! He just couldn't resist! It's squishy! It's neck doesn't crunch like a real chicken when you twist it!! But then, Mrs. Wilson, who is really running out of patience with Solomon, laid down the hammer and gave him the Dreaded Pink Note. As he's telling me all this, and I'm holding the Dreaded Pink Note, and the big sad tears keep rolling down his face, he pulls out a tiny bright orange ticket from his pocket. This was a "Caught Being Good" ticket that he had also earned for responsible behavior in the hallway. The poor kid was faced with the evidence of his day: The giant 8 1/2 x 11 Dreaded Pink Note for squeezing the chicken and the tiny 1x2 Orange Note for doing the right thing.
So he got a lot of hugs and recognition that he has been making many, many good choices every day and we know how hard he has been working to follow directions. And we know that it's really hard sometimes to be a good listener, but that Mrs. Wilson really needs to know that he understands what is going on and he needs to listen in PE too, even when it's hard. And yes, he lost all his electronics again tonight, and yes, he was going to have to apologize again, but Dad and I will talk more about consequences when he get home from work.
So when Brian walks in the door I said, "You are not going to believe what Solomon did today!!!" and explained the whole thing to him. We laughed and laughed and laughed and then Brian said, "I'm going to have some fun with this one!" So Brian gave Solomon the same firm but loving lecture I did and this time he said, "Solomon, I think you need to write your apology in a letter to Mrs. Wilson and just to make sure you get the point, you'd better write it twice." (to me: "So we can keep one, it's going to be hilarious when he's a senior in high school!!!"). So Solomon writes:
Dear Mrs. Wilson,
I am sorry for not listening to you in gym class. Next time when you tell me to stop squeezing the chicken I will listen to your directions and I will keep trying to follow the directions.
Thank you
Solomon
So one note got taken to Mrs. Wilson (who has a terrific sense of humor and found all this just as funny as we did) and one note got filed away for future humiliation.
Since then, all has been quiet. We'll see how long it lasts.
Two weeks ago Solomon's teacher, Miss Johnson, emailed me that he was ignoring her student teacher's directions and misbehaving in class and that same day the recess ladies came in to tell her that he had ignored their directions on the playground as well. When he came home from school that day I said calmly, "Solomon, Miss Johnson told me that you had some problems at school today." His siblings all froze in their tracks and looked intently at him... then me... then him... something big was going down here and they didn't want to miss anything.
Solomon dropped his head, stared at the floor, stuck out his bottom lip, and refused to respond. So I said, "Let's go up to my room and you can explain the situation." Not good for the sibs, who just lost their front row seat to The Smackdown.. Up in my room, I continued to get the lip and complete absence of eye contact, punctuated occasionally with high-pitched, inarticulate whining. After 30 minutes of attempted avoidance and denial, he FINALLY admitted that he was not following directions and then he cried hysterically for another 10 minutes. I hugged him and reassured him that dad and I will always love him and it's okay to make mistakes. However, problems at school always mean consequences at home and that for the rest of the night he had lost his TV, computer, and video games AND tomorrow he needed to go to the recess ladies and the student teacher an apologize and tell them what he was going to do differently next time. He accepted this bad news with resignation, sniffed up the last of his tears, and carried on with his electronically diminished evening.
The next day I emailed Miss Johnson to find out if he apologized to her. No he didn't, and he claimed he didn't know who the recess ladies were, so no apology there either and he came back from PE crying because he had gotten the Dreaded Pink Note from the PE teacher Mrs. Wilson for not following directions in PE! Three strikes. Bad news. He slunk in the door at 4:30, avoiding eye contact at all costs, hoping to go unnoticed. No such luck. He was dragged back up to my room for another Smackdown. This time, however, it only took about 10 minutes of pouting/avoidance/whining before he 'fessed up and the crying only lasted about 5 minutes. But.."because you didn't get the message the first time, you lost all your electronics again tonight AND you have to stay in your room except for dinner AND dad is going to drive you to school tomorrow and walk you in to find all the people you need to apologize to and make sure you do it."
The next day was not fun for poor Solomon. Dad witnessed the teacher apologies, but the recess ladies were not in yet, so he told Thomas to verify that Solomon did apologize to them and report out at dinner. Thomas LOVES to play any role in connection with meting out justice. At dinner he verified that, yes indeed, Solomon did apologize to the recess ladies. I said to Solomon, "I'm really proud of you for handling this, honey. Was it really hard for you?" and he said, "I am very scared, so I go to corner of playground and I pray 'Jesus, make me not be scared' and then I go say 'I am sorry I not listening to you and I do a better job listening now' and they say 'is okay Solomon' and Miss Jenny is hugging me and then I go back to corner of playground and I pray 'Jesus, help me not do any more bad stuff today so I do not have to apologize to anyone else!'" Beautiful. How can you not adore a kid like this?
So all is well for several days. Miss Johnson reported improvement, no Dreaded Pink Notes, everything is cool. Then last week Solomon came in the door with head down, lip out, but this time he is already holding the Dreaded Pink Note in his hand. No attempt to avoid the inevitable. He was going down hard and he met his fate with courage and resignation. I said, "Solomon! Another pink note? What happened?"
"Mom, I am having a very bad day. My stomach is hurting all morning, VERRRRRRRY bad, but you say no calling home unless you is barfing so I just stay but my stomach is SO sore and then I eat lunch and it is better but then my head is hurting VERRRRRRRRRY bad, and my eye is hurting too [note to reader: this is extreme manipulation because he knows we worry endlessly about his eyes so this was really his ace in the hole, used only for dire straits] and then I go to PE and then..... I get pink note for squeezing the chicken." Big sad tears come out.
Okay, so... I'm thinking several things simultaneously: a) squeezing the chicken???? what?!?!?!?! I hope that doesn't mean what I'm afraid it means. b) don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh c) what am I going to come up with for the next level of consequences? d) I can't WAIT to tell Brian!!!
But I calmly say "Can you explain exactly what chicken you were squeezing and why this was a problem for Mrs. Wilson in PE?" Turns out they were playing a game like Steal the Bacon and they were using a rubber chicken as the object to steal. Mrs. Wilson had asked all the kids to not touch the chicken while she was giving directions but to a little kid who'd never seen a rubber chicken, that thing was crazy cool and begging to be squeezed! He just couldn't resist! It's squishy! It's neck doesn't crunch like a real chicken when you twist it!! But then, Mrs. Wilson, who is really running out of patience with Solomon, laid down the hammer and gave him the Dreaded Pink Note. As he's telling me all this, and I'm holding the Dreaded Pink Note, and the big sad tears keep rolling down his face, he pulls out a tiny bright orange ticket from his pocket. This was a "Caught Being Good" ticket that he had also earned for responsible behavior in the hallway. The poor kid was faced with the evidence of his day: The giant 8 1/2 x 11 Dreaded Pink Note for squeezing the chicken and the tiny 1x2 Orange Note for doing the right thing.
So he got a lot of hugs and recognition that he has been making many, many good choices every day and we know how hard he has been working to follow directions. And we know that it's really hard sometimes to be a good listener, but that Mrs. Wilson really needs to know that he understands what is going on and he needs to listen in PE too, even when it's hard. And yes, he lost all his electronics again tonight, and yes, he was going to have to apologize again, but Dad and I will talk more about consequences when he get home from work.
So when Brian walks in the door I said, "You are not going to believe what Solomon did today!!!" and explained the whole thing to him. We laughed and laughed and laughed and then Brian said, "I'm going to have some fun with this one!" So Brian gave Solomon the same firm but loving lecture I did and this time he said, "Solomon, I think you need to write your apology in a letter to Mrs. Wilson and just to make sure you get the point, you'd better write it twice." (to me: "So we can keep one, it's going to be hilarious when he's a senior in high school!!!"). So Solomon writes:
Dear Mrs. Wilson,
I am sorry for not listening to you in gym class. Next time when you tell me to stop squeezing the chicken I will listen to your directions and I will keep trying to follow the directions.
Thank you
Solomon
So one note got taken to Mrs. Wilson (who has a terrific sense of humor and found all this just as funny as we did) and one note got filed away for future humiliation.
Since then, all has been quiet. We'll see how long it lasts.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Better Late Than Never... Christmas in Review
So many people have asked us "how did the kids like Christmas?" I think this song pretty much sums it up. They loved the stuff, but they were so happy to have a family, that was the best part for them. Thomas and Meredith also saw Christmas differently this year... through Solomon and Tinsaye's eyes.
Friday, December 31, 2010
New Year's Eve 2010
I am glad to see 2010 come to a close, only because I don't think we could cram anything else into this year. I'm not going to rehash everything because it's all on the blog here somewhere. I'm really glad to have the record of our amazing year because many things seem like a blur only a few months out, so I know I'll forget so much as the years go on.
Yesterday we took the kids rollerskating. We went last week too and Tinsaye and Solomon picked it up immediately (one more new American thing they've mastered). Yesterday as the kids were skating around like maniacs and Brian and I were sitting on a bench like a couple of old fogeys, we had kind of a simultaneous premonition of our life in years to come. The kids were doing their own thing, totally independent of us, solving their own problems and having adventures without us, while we happily rest and watch them with pride as they soar off on their own. For now we only get glimpses of that life, and then it's back to our current reality ("mom, my skate came undone, I lost my quarter, can we get a pretzel?). We are trying hard to remember to appreciate these years and be grateful for all the blessings along the journey.
Speaking of blessings along the journey.... Brian and his dad have been working on installing a new garage door opener (our died last week) for the past 5 hours and 20 minutes. They ran into some major problems followed by minor problems followed by interruptions which are now causing them to miss Notre Dame's bowl game. Brian just passed by on his way to get another tool and said, "Did I ever tell you how much fun it is to be the dad?" to which I replied, "Almost as much fun as it is to be the mom!" I spent my day vacuuming petrified french fries out of the minivan, buying $180 worth of groceries and then putting them all away, applying an ice pack to a suspected concussion, and feeding four Baert kids, one neighbor kid, two angry men, and myself. Although I have a strong suspicion our lives will be on this track for a while now, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Yesterday we took the kids rollerskating. We went last week too and Tinsaye and Solomon picked it up immediately (one more new American thing they've mastered). Yesterday as the kids were skating around like maniacs and Brian and I were sitting on a bench like a couple of old fogeys, we had kind of a simultaneous premonition of our life in years to come. The kids were doing their own thing, totally independent of us, solving their own problems and having adventures without us, while we happily rest and watch them with pride as they soar off on their own. For now we only get glimpses of that life, and then it's back to our current reality ("mom, my skate came undone, I lost my quarter, can we get a pretzel?). We are trying hard to remember to appreciate these years and be grateful for all the blessings along the journey.
Speaking of blessings along the journey.... Brian and his dad have been working on installing a new garage door opener (our died last week) for the past 5 hours and 20 minutes. They ran into some major problems followed by minor problems followed by interruptions which are now causing them to miss Notre Dame's bowl game. Brian just passed by on his way to get another tool and said, "Did I ever tell you how much fun it is to be the dad?" to which I replied, "Almost as much fun as it is to be the mom!" I spent my day vacuuming petrified french fries out of the minivan, buying $180 worth of groceries and then putting them all away, applying an ice pack to a suspected concussion, and feeding four Baert kids, one neighbor kid, two angry men, and myself. Although I have a strong suspicion our lives will be on this track for a while now, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Snow Day Musings
"If you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:10-11
A friend sent me this scripture to encourage me when I was whining to her about how hard the day-to-day stuff is for me (she was in Ethiopia with us bringing home 2 girls to join her 2 boys, so she is totally living my life). The imagery seems a little off right now, especially when there's 8 inches of snow on the ground with sub-zero windchills, but I have really needed some frame strengthening (and a snow day really helps!)
The new kids have really struggled with the Christmas season. They were feeling pretty comfortable in America when suddenly, the day after Thanksgiving, everything changed. Decorations and lights were everywhere, the music on the radio changed to Christmas tunes that everyone else except them knew, people kept talking about traditions and events that were totally unfamiliar to them and expecting them to be excited. Everything was suddenly scary and new again. And even in the most secular observances of the holiday, the focus is on family... a topic which stirs up all the trauma of the loss of their first family. They both started having dreams of Ethiopia, having trouble sleeping, and acting out. Tinsaye especially has been processing a lot of grief. After being sassy and disrespectful to me, mean to Solomon, and getting sent to her room, where she cried and cried, she said to me, "Mom, I don't know what's happening to me. I am never a bad girl in Ethiopia and now in America I am so bad." She is just really having a hard time with all of it.
The good news is they are through the worst of it and feeling more peaceful and comfortable now. We have spent most of our time at home. We have said no to almost every invitation anywhere, we opted out of some activities we usually do, we watched Ethiopian religious music videos while we decorated the Christmas tree, we have spent lots of time on the couch under lots of blankets eating popcorn and watching Christmas movies so they can absorb American Christmas culture in a safe place and ask all their crazy questions ("Mom, what is mistletoe? Who is Frosty the Snowman? Why there is song about him? Is he with Jesus? What is reindeer? Why they not having snow deer, it's snowing at Christmas? All we have to do is write on list and Santa brings it ALL????). We try to downplay Santa, but they think he's just like all the other magical things in America: fresh water, free education, paved roads, automatic doors, ATMs, and Santa. He's no more astonishing than those other things. And I'm hoping they're clear on the fact that, NO, he doesn't bring it ALL.
So at the end of the day, when I have answered 12 billion questions (many for the third time), wiped endless tears, broken up multiple fights, and hugged everyone over and over, I am spent. I was telling this all to my hairdresser and she got all teary and said, "Joan, I don't know how you do it. I get all emotional just hearing you talk about it and you have to do it everyday." And I realized that God continues to do what He promised... I am a 'spring whose waters never fail' because He gives me the patience to sit on the floor and hold a sobbing Ethiopian for 20 minutes. There's no way I'm doing that on my own. And He is absolutely 'guiding me always' because somehow I find the words to comfort and reassure when I am always terrified I'll blow up in anger and frustration. And my 'frame' is definitely 'strengthened' when I have the energy to make lunches, email teachers, fix ripped snowpants, and wrap gifts after dealing with a full day of work followed by four more hours of traumatized children.
Now, do I get it right all the time? Definitely not. In fact, I just had to stop writing this blog post to find the TV remote for Solomon and Thomas's boots and just caught myself yelling (and I quote), "I am going to KILL the next person who expects me to find something that he left in some stupid place and that includes you, Brian, because your idiotic hat is exactly where you left it when you came in!!!!" I'm not Super Mom. But I guess I am Supernatural Mom, because God is faithful and He supplies what we need. Including a snow day, because I really needed that today and TA-DA, here it is! On behalf of myself, my kids, and all the children and teachers in Southeast Michigan, thank you Lord for a blessed snow day!
A friend sent me this scripture to encourage me when I was whining to her about how hard the day-to-day stuff is for me (she was in Ethiopia with us bringing home 2 girls to join her 2 boys, so she is totally living my life). The imagery seems a little off right now, especially when there's 8 inches of snow on the ground with sub-zero windchills, but I have really needed some frame strengthening (and a snow day really helps!)
The new kids have really struggled with the Christmas season. They were feeling pretty comfortable in America when suddenly, the day after Thanksgiving, everything changed. Decorations and lights were everywhere, the music on the radio changed to Christmas tunes that everyone else except them knew, people kept talking about traditions and events that were totally unfamiliar to them and expecting them to be excited. Everything was suddenly scary and new again. And even in the most secular observances of the holiday, the focus is on family... a topic which stirs up all the trauma of the loss of their first family. They both started having dreams of Ethiopia, having trouble sleeping, and acting out. Tinsaye especially has been processing a lot of grief. After being sassy and disrespectful to me, mean to Solomon, and getting sent to her room, where she cried and cried, she said to me, "Mom, I don't know what's happening to me. I am never a bad girl in Ethiopia and now in America I am so bad." She is just really having a hard time with all of it.
The good news is they are through the worst of it and feeling more peaceful and comfortable now. We have spent most of our time at home. We have said no to almost every invitation anywhere, we opted out of some activities we usually do, we watched Ethiopian religious music videos while we decorated the Christmas tree, we have spent lots of time on the couch under lots of blankets eating popcorn and watching Christmas movies so they can absorb American Christmas culture in a safe place and ask all their crazy questions ("Mom, what is mistletoe? Who is Frosty the Snowman? Why there is song about him? Is he with Jesus? What is reindeer? Why they not having snow deer, it's snowing at Christmas? All we have to do is write on list and Santa brings it ALL????). We try to downplay Santa, but they think he's just like all the other magical things in America: fresh water, free education, paved roads, automatic doors, ATMs, and Santa. He's no more astonishing than those other things. And I'm hoping they're clear on the fact that, NO, he doesn't bring it ALL.
So at the end of the day, when I have answered 12 billion questions (many for the third time), wiped endless tears, broken up multiple fights, and hugged everyone over and over, I am spent. I was telling this all to my hairdresser and she got all teary and said, "Joan, I don't know how you do it. I get all emotional just hearing you talk about it and you have to do it everyday." And I realized that God continues to do what He promised... I am a 'spring whose waters never fail' because He gives me the patience to sit on the floor and hold a sobbing Ethiopian for 20 minutes. There's no way I'm doing that on my own. And He is absolutely 'guiding me always' because somehow I find the words to comfort and reassure when I am always terrified I'll blow up in anger and frustration. And my 'frame' is definitely 'strengthened' when I have the energy to make lunches, email teachers, fix ripped snowpants, and wrap gifts after dealing with a full day of work followed by four more hours of traumatized children.
Now, do I get it right all the time? Definitely not. In fact, I just had to stop writing this blog post to find the TV remote for Solomon and Thomas's boots and just caught myself yelling (and I quote), "I am going to KILL the next person who expects me to find something that he left in some stupid place and that includes you, Brian, because your idiotic hat is exactly where you left it when you came in!!!!" I'm not Super Mom. But I guess I am Supernatural Mom, because God is faithful and He supplies what we need. Including a snow day, because I really needed that today and TA-DA, here it is! On behalf of myself, my kids, and all the children and teachers in Southeast Michigan, thank you Lord for a blessed snow day!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thanksgiving Update
People keep telling me "I wish you could post on your blog more often, but I know you're busy." I'm right there with you! But since it's Thanksgiving and I have more things to be thankful for than I can even count, I figured I'd squeeze in a quick update.
Thomas spent three days at Fifth Grade Camp earlier this month. It was a terrific time, mostly hands-on science curriculum and it was right up his alley. He came home feeling even cooler than he was before (as if that's possible). It was funny how much Mere, Tinsaye, and Solomon missed him. They kept saying, "I wonder what Thomas is doing now?" and when I told them that they should get used to it because someday he was going to college without them, Tinsaye started crying. She pretty much can't deal with any more family changes right now.
Speaking of Tinsaye, we've been pretty overwhelmed with a big issue for her: her age. Her birth certificate issued by the Ethiopian government said her birthdate was 7/2/2002. The longer she was here, the more convinced we were that she was older than 8. She knows she's older than 8 too, but Ethiopian calendar and tradition of counting birthdays differently made it really hard for us to determine the correct age. Plus she's doing really well in school (2nd grade) and we don't want to change her grade right now. So after a bone scan, a consultation with an international adoption specialist doctor, our pediatrician, a family therapist, and her teachers, we are officially changing her birthdate to 7/2/2001, making her 9 1/2. She seems happy with this and at peace (which is a big relief since she we have had lots of emotional drama surrounding this issue). Thomas is VERY relieved to still be the oldest. We may move her up a grade at some point, but this year she is staying put. We applied for her Michigan birth certificate with the age change and we'll have to go to a hearing in Oakland County court to present the medical reasons, but after we have a new MI birth certificate, we can get federal documentation and be done with it forever.
I keep forgetting to update you all about the kids' medical issues. We've spent a lot of time this fall dealing with doctors, even beyond all the stuff dealing with Tinsaye's age. We saw a geneticist who confirmed that they both have Axenfeld-Riegers Syndrome. We also had full cardiology exams for both kids since the genetic anomaly can lead to cardiac malformation too. They were both completely normal and healthy! We are supposed to see an audiologist also to rule out any ear malformations, but I feel confident that they hear just fine, so we've put that off for now. Both Solomon and Tinsaye's eye pressures continue to improve and Tinsaye's vision has actually improved somewhat (from astonishingly bad to just remarkably bad!). Solomon goes back for a recheck with the ophthalmologist next Friday and if pressures are still good, we will plan a surgery to fix the strabismus (wandering eye). He doesn't know about the surgery, I think he'll be really scared. We'll just deal with it as it comes. Both kids' teeth are a disaster. Many adult teeth never formed in utero, so they will just have to have bridges or implants or something, but they are too young to do anything about it now, so they just look crazy. Solomon actually got his two adult bottom teeth, but never lost his baby ones... the adult teeth just came in behind the babies, so he's a total Shark Boy right now. He cried and cried because the Tooth Fairy never came for him! We are all caught up on their immunizations for now, so that is one less thing to deal with.
All the kids are playing community ed basketball right now and having fun with that. Beyond that, school and church keep us unbelievably busy. The girls are preparing for First Communion in the spring, so they just had their First Reconciliation. Meredith was very worried because she could not think of any sins she needed to confess and if she made any up, she'd be lying, which would be a sin that she needed to confess! Quite a quandary. She eventually decided to own up to "ignoring her dad" and "hitting her brother" and she felt really good about her confession. Tinsaye made a list of about 10 ordinary sins like "fighting with my brother", but then in the heat of the confessional, she told me she panicked and admitted to "pantsing my brother in the front yard, but it was on accident and I said I was sorry ten times, but he no listen to me, he is so angry". It must be hilarious for the priest to hear first confessions! Thomas went to the training to be an altar server. It seemed like a good idea, since we often serve as host family and Thomas helps on the altar frequently. However, when we realized that he was going to have to carry a giant lit candle up the entire aisle and put it in a holder without starting a fire, sit without figiting in front of hundreds of people for the entire hour, and carry wine around without dropping it, I figured that it might not be such a great idea after all. Maybe I could get him an earpiece like the Secret Service guys wear and talk into my sleeve while he's up there, saying things like, "watch where you're going, quit picking your scabs, tie your shoe, hold the chalice with BOTH hands!" Or maybe we can just wait a year or two.
Overall, we are just blessed and blessed and blessed. And tired. But blessed.
Thomas spent three days at Fifth Grade Camp earlier this month. It was a terrific time, mostly hands-on science curriculum and it was right up his alley. He came home feeling even cooler than he was before (as if that's possible). It was funny how much Mere, Tinsaye, and Solomon missed him. They kept saying, "I wonder what Thomas is doing now?" and when I told them that they should get used to it because someday he was going to college without them, Tinsaye started crying. She pretty much can't deal with any more family changes right now.
Speaking of Tinsaye, we've been pretty overwhelmed with a big issue for her: her age. Her birth certificate issued by the Ethiopian government said her birthdate was 7/2/2002. The longer she was here, the more convinced we were that she was older than 8. She knows she's older than 8 too, but Ethiopian calendar and tradition of counting birthdays differently made it really hard for us to determine the correct age. Plus she's doing really well in school (2nd grade) and we don't want to change her grade right now. So after a bone scan, a consultation with an international adoption specialist doctor, our pediatrician, a family therapist, and her teachers, we are officially changing her birthdate to 7/2/2001, making her 9 1/2. She seems happy with this and at peace (which is a big relief since she we have had lots of emotional drama surrounding this issue). Thomas is VERY relieved to still be the oldest. We may move her up a grade at some point, but this year she is staying put. We applied for her Michigan birth certificate with the age change and we'll have to go to a hearing in Oakland County court to present the medical reasons, but after we have a new MI birth certificate, we can get federal documentation and be done with it forever.
I keep forgetting to update you all about the kids' medical issues. We've spent a lot of time this fall dealing with doctors, even beyond all the stuff dealing with Tinsaye's age. We saw a geneticist who confirmed that they both have Axenfeld-Riegers Syndrome. We also had full cardiology exams for both kids since the genetic anomaly can lead to cardiac malformation too. They were both completely normal and healthy! We are supposed to see an audiologist also to rule out any ear malformations, but I feel confident that they hear just fine, so we've put that off for now. Both Solomon and Tinsaye's eye pressures continue to improve and Tinsaye's vision has actually improved somewhat (from astonishingly bad to just remarkably bad!). Solomon goes back for a recheck with the ophthalmologist next Friday and if pressures are still good, we will plan a surgery to fix the strabismus (wandering eye). He doesn't know about the surgery, I think he'll be really scared. We'll just deal with it as it comes. Both kids' teeth are a disaster. Many adult teeth never formed in utero, so they will just have to have bridges or implants or something, but they are too young to do anything about it now, so they just look crazy. Solomon actually got his two adult bottom teeth, but never lost his baby ones... the adult teeth just came in behind the babies, so he's a total Shark Boy right now. He cried and cried because the Tooth Fairy never came for him! We are all caught up on their immunizations for now, so that is one less thing to deal with.
All the kids are playing community ed basketball right now and having fun with that. Beyond that, school and church keep us unbelievably busy. The girls are preparing for First Communion in the spring, so they just had their First Reconciliation. Meredith was very worried because she could not think of any sins she needed to confess and if she made any up, she'd be lying, which would be a sin that she needed to confess! Quite a quandary. She eventually decided to own up to "ignoring her dad" and "hitting her brother" and she felt really good about her confession. Tinsaye made a list of about 10 ordinary sins like "fighting with my brother", but then in the heat of the confessional, she told me she panicked and admitted to "pantsing my brother in the front yard, but it was on accident and I said I was sorry ten times, but he no listen to me, he is so angry". It must be hilarious for the priest to hear first confessions! Thomas went to the training to be an altar server. It seemed like a good idea, since we often serve as host family and Thomas helps on the altar frequently. However, when we realized that he was going to have to carry a giant lit candle up the entire aisle and put it in a holder without starting a fire, sit without figiting in front of hundreds of people for the entire hour, and carry wine around without dropping it, I figured that it might not be such a great idea after all. Maybe I could get him an earpiece like the Secret Service guys wear and talk into my sleeve while he's up there, saying things like, "watch where you're going, quit picking your scabs, tie your shoe, hold the chalice with BOTH hands!" Or maybe we can just wait a year or two.
Overall, we are just blessed and blessed and blessed. And tired. But blessed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)