Tomorrow is the beginning of Lent. For the next 40 days I will be praying for God to give me clearer perspective on my life and my struggles. I am very tired of feeling bogged down by the stuff I can't escape. Like right now I have birthday parties to plan and rsvp to, soccer cleats to buy, prescriptions to refill, papers to file, lessons to plan, emails to return, checks to write, meals to prepare... the list is endless, insurmountable, and it will be there for the next decade. I need to accept the fact that my desk will never be clear, my kitchen will always be a disaster, I will lose things and forget appointments and miss deadlines for the rest of my life as a mom. And none of it matters in the long run.
What does matter is that my family is a miracle, created by the grace of God and for His glory. I get to live in the middle of it and witness four beautiful children grow up together. I get a first row seat for hilarious scenes like last night's dinner when Thomas said, "Hey guys, look! There's a cat!" and we saw a weird yellow cat limp up toward our deck. Tinsaye yelled, "His leg is broken!" Meredith yelled, "He's pregnant!" and Solomon yelled, "His name is Cindy!" Then we cracked up for 10 minutes over the gimpy, pregnant, transgendered cat named Cindy until Brian yelled, "Hey, I hope he didn't go under the deck and die!" and then they all ran out to see if Cindy had expired (he/she appears to have limped off elsewhere to deliver and/or croak).
What is important in the story of Cindy is that a) we laugh together a lot, b) no one has grief issues so severe that they don't want to go look for a dead cat, c) we often eat meals together and its all the same food and it's not avocados, and d) everyone speaks English. These are big important things that I need to recognize and not just be grateful for, but truly see as miraculous gifts to be honored. I need God's help to shift my perspective from the daily grind to His plan for all of us (which does not hinge on my remembering to reschedule my dentist appointment).
Whatever your Lenten observances are, consider praying along with me this psalm:
Hide Your face from my sin and cover my iniquities
Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me
Cast me not from Your presence, take not Your Spirit from me
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
Restore to me the wonders of Your love
