I am glad to see 2010 come to a close, only because I don't think we could cram anything else into this year. I'm not going to rehash everything because it's all on the blog here somewhere. I'm really glad to have the record of our amazing year because many things seem like a blur only a few months out, so I know I'll forget so much as the years go on.
Yesterday we took the kids rollerskating. We went last week too and Tinsaye and Solomon picked it up immediately (one more new American thing they've mastered). Yesterday as the kids were skating around like maniacs and Brian and I were sitting on a bench like a couple of old fogeys, we had kind of a simultaneous premonition of our life in years to come. The kids were doing their own thing, totally independent of us, solving their own problems and having adventures without us, while we happily rest and watch them with pride as they soar off on their own. For now we only get glimpses of that life, and then it's back to our current reality ("mom, my skate came undone, I lost my quarter, can we get a pretzel?). We are trying hard to remember to appreciate these years and be grateful for all the blessings along the journey.
Speaking of blessings along the journey.... Brian and his dad have been working on installing a new garage door opener (our died last week) for the past 5 hours and 20 minutes. They ran into some major problems followed by minor problems followed by interruptions which are now causing them to miss Notre Dame's bowl game. Brian just passed by on his way to get another tool and said, "Did I ever tell you how much fun it is to be the dad?" to which I replied, "Almost as much fun as it is to be the mom!" I spent my day vacuuming petrified french fries out of the minivan, buying $180 worth of groceries and then putting them all away, applying an ice pack to a suspected concussion, and feeding four Baert kids, one neighbor kid, two angry men, and myself. Although I have a strong suspicion our lives will be on this track for a while now, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Snow Day Musings
"If you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:10-11
A friend sent me this scripture to encourage me when I was whining to her about how hard the day-to-day stuff is for me (she was in Ethiopia with us bringing home 2 girls to join her 2 boys, so she is totally living my life). The imagery seems a little off right now, especially when there's 8 inches of snow on the ground with sub-zero windchills, but I have really needed some frame strengthening (and a snow day really helps!)
The new kids have really struggled with the Christmas season. They were feeling pretty comfortable in America when suddenly, the day after Thanksgiving, everything changed. Decorations and lights were everywhere, the music on the radio changed to Christmas tunes that everyone else except them knew, people kept talking about traditions and events that were totally unfamiliar to them and expecting them to be excited. Everything was suddenly scary and new again. And even in the most secular observances of the holiday, the focus is on family... a topic which stirs up all the trauma of the loss of their first family. They both started having dreams of Ethiopia, having trouble sleeping, and acting out. Tinsaye especially has been processing a lot of grief. After being sassy and disrespectful to me, mean to Solomon, and getting sent to her room, where she cried and cried, she said to me, "Mom, I don't know what's happening to me. I am never a bad girl in Ethiopia and now in America I am so bad." She is just really having a hard time with all of it.
The good news is they are through the worst of it and feeling more peaceful and comfortable now. We have spent most of our time at home. We have said no to almost every invitation anywhere, we opted out of some activities we usually do, we watched Ethiopian religious music videos while we decorated the Christmas tree, we have spent lots of time on the couch under lots of blankets eating popcorn and watching Christmas movies so they can absorb American Christmas culture in a safe place and ask all their crazy questions ("Mom, what is mistletoe? Who is Frosty the Snowman? Why there is song about him? Is he with Jesus? What is reindeer? Why they not having snow deer, it's snowing at Christmas? All we have to do is write on list and Santa brings it ALL????). We try to downplay Santa, but they think he's just like all the other magical things in America: fresh water, free education, paved roads, automatic doors, ATMs, and Santa. He's no more astonishing than those other things. And I'm hoping they're clear on the fact that, NO, he doesn't bring it ALL.
So at the end of the day, when I have answered 12 billion questions (many for the third time), wiped endless tears, broken up multiple fights, and hugged everyone over and over, I am spent. I was telling this all to my hairdresser and she got all teary and said, "Joan, I don't know how you do it. I get all emotional just hearing you talk about it and you have to do it everyday." And I realized that God continues to do what He promised... I am a 'spring whose waters never fail' because He gives me the patience to sit on the floor and hold a sobbing Ethiopian for 20 minutes. There's no way I'm doing that on my own. And He is absolutely 'guiding me always' because somehow I find the words to comfort and reassure when I am always terrified I'll blow up in anger and frustration. And my 'frame' is definitely 'strengthened' when I have the energy to make lunches, email teachers, fix ripped snowpants, and wrap gifts after dealing with a full day of work followed by four more hours of traumatized children.
Now, do I get it right all the time? Definitely not. In fact, I just had to stop writing this blog post to find the TV remote for Solomon and Thomas's boots and just caught myself yelling (and I quote), "I am going to KILL the next person who expects me to find something that he left in some stupid place and that includes you, Brian, because your idiotic hat is exactly where you left it when you came in!!!!" I'm not Super Mom. But I guess I am Supernatural Mom, because God is faithful and He supplies what we need. Including a snow day, because I really needed that today and TA-DA, here it is! On behalf of myself, my kids, and all the children and teachers in Southeast Michigan, thank you Lord for a blessed snow day!
A friend sent me this scripture to encourage me when I was whining to her about how hard the day-to-day stuff is for me (she was in Ethiopia with us bringing home 2 girls to join her 2 boys, so she is totally living my life). The imagery seems a little off right now, especially when there's 8 inches of snow on the ground with sub-zero windchills, but I have really needed some frame strengthening (and a snow day really helps!)
The new kids have really struggled with the Christmas season. They were feeling pretty comfortable in America when suddenly, the day after Thanksgiving, everything changed. Decorations and lights were everywhere, the music on the radio changed to Christmas tunes that everyone else except them knew, people kept talking about traditions and events that were totally unfamiliar to them and expecting them to be excited. Everything was suddenly scary and new again. And even in the most secular observances of the holiday, the focus is on family... a topic which stirs up all the trauma of the loss of their first family. They both started having dreams of Ethiopia, having trouble sleeping, and acting out. Tinsaye especially has been processing a lot of grief. After being sassy and disrespectful to me, mean to Solomon, and getting sent to her room, where she cried and cried, she said to me, "Mom, I don't know what's happening to me. I am never a bad girl in Ethiopia and now in America I am so bad." She is just really having a hard time with all of it.
The good news is they are through the worst of it and feeling more peaceful and comfortable now. We have spent most of our time at home. We have said no to almost every invitation anywhere, we opted out of some activities we usually do, we watched Ethiopian religious music videos while we decorated the Christmas tree, we have spent lots of time on the couch under lots of blankets eating popcorn and watching Christmas movies so they can absorb American Christmas culture in a safe place and ask all their crazy questions ("Mom, what is mistletoe? Who is Frosty the Snowman? Why there is song about him? Is he with Jesus? What is reindeer? Why they not having snow deer, it's snowing at Christmas? All we have to do is write on list and Santa brings it ALL????). We try to downplay Santa, but they think he's just like all the other magical things in America: fresh water, free education, paved roads, automatic doors, ATMs, and Santa. He's no more astonishing than those other things. And I'm hoping they're clear on the fact that, NO, he doesn't bring it ALL.
So at the end of the day, when I have answered 12 billion questions (many for the third time), wiped endless tears, broken up multiple fights, and hugged everyone over and over, I am spent. I was telling this all to my hairdresser and she got all teary and said, "Joan, I don't know how you do it. I get all emotional just hearing you talk about it and you have to do it everyday." And I realized that God continues to do what He promised... I am a 'spring whose waters never fail' because He gives me the patience to sit on the floor and hold a sobbing Ethiopian for 20 minutes. There's no way I'm doing that on my own. And He is absolutely 'guiding me always' because somehow I find the words to comfort and reassure when I am always terrified I'll blow up in anger and frustration. And my 'frame' is definitely 'strengthened' when I have the energy to make lunches, email teachers, fix ripped snowpants, and wrap gifts after dealing with a full day of work followed by four more hours of traumatized children.
Now, do I get it right all the time? Definitely not. In fact, I just had to stop writing this blog post to find the TV remote for Solomon and Thomas's boots and just caught myself yelling (and I quote), "I am going to KILL the next person who expects me to find something that he left in some stupid place and that includes you, Brian, because your idiotic hat is exactly where you left it when you came in!!!!" I'm not Super Mom. But I guess I am Supernatural Mom, because God is faithful and He supplies what we need. Including a snow day, because I really needed that today and TA-DA, here it is! On behalf of myself, my kids, and all the children and teachers in Southeast Michigan, thank you Lord for a blessed snow day!
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