The Story of our Trip Part 2: Monday

Monday, June 14, 2010 "Gotcha Day"

We were both awake by 5am, excited and totally ready to get the kids!  We were rested and fed and really anxious to get on with it.  We went for a swim in the pool at 6:30am.  It was a beautiful morning and the pool was fed from a natural hot spring so the water was warm and the air was cool and there were clouds of steam hanging in the air.  We got dressed, had breakfast, packed everything, checked out, and were waiting in front of the hotel at 9:30am.  A van arrived from Layla House with Jessica, one of the American orphanage employees.  We loaded all four enormous suitcases and drove off.  We went immediately to the Ritmo Guest House where we were going to stay for the rest of our trip.  It is a privately owned house that is affiliated with the agency to house American families coming to get their children from Layla.  It was only a 10 minute walk to the orphanage from the Ritmo guesthouse.  The Ritmo, like most homes in Addis, sits within a walled compound.  A guard opens and closes the gates, there's razor wire on top.  The actual house has several large bedrooms, several bathrooms, a common living room and kitchen, plus another smaller building behind the main house which holds another two bedrooms and bathroom as well as quarters for the guard and other employees.  We stayed in this smaller building which worked out perfect for our family.  We had a bedroom for Brian and I, a bedroom with bunk beds for the kids, and a bathroom to ourselves.  It was private and quiet (mostly, more on that later!).  So we dragged all our bags into our rooms and turned around and immediately drove to Layla.  Brian handed his precious video camera to Jessica as we drove up so she could get footage and we could focus on meeting the kids.  The driver pulled up to the gates, honked his horn, the gates opened, and we immediately saw Tinsaye peeking around the corner waiting for us!  As soon as she saw us drive in, she screamed and ran away!  When the driver stopped we jumped out of the van and she came running back.  She threw her arms around me screaming "Mama, mama, mama!!!"  Then she jumped on Brian the same way.  When we all disentangled ourselves from the hug-fest, we said, "Where's Solomon?".  She turned on her heel and started screaming, "Solomon! Solomon!" and ran back in through the maze of buildings that comprised the orphanage.  Jessica turned off the camera and helped us navigate our way into the compound.  Most all the other children were in class, so it was pretty deserted, and Solomon came shyly out of a building, being dragged by his screaming sister.  He was quiet and shy, but gave us big hugs and high fives.  They took us to their rooms and showed us all their belongings, which consisted of the photos we had sent them, some letters and photos from friends that had gone to America, a Bible, and their school notebooks.  [Think for a moment what would happen if you asked a typical American child to show you ALL of their belongings.]  They showed us their beds, one of 10 or so steel bunks, boys and girls in alternating rooms. 

They were very excited to go to the guest house, so we left with them on foot after about 30 minutes at Layla.  The guest house was thrilling to them, this was the closest thing they'd ever had to a vacation.  When we got in our rooms we gave them their backpacks full of goodies from America.  They could hardly take it all in.  It was just like opening presents on Christmas morning.  Every item was analyzed and celebrated with joy and awe, from a digital camera to a matchbox car to a new box of crayons to hair ties.  Tinsaye said, "Me have clothes too?" and sure enough, she had an entire suitcase of perfect, bright, clean American clothes.  She put everything on, took it all off, put it all on again, dancing around in everything.  While she was having a fashion show, Solomon was completely focused on his tiny digital camera.  He took about 300 photos in the first hour. 

They changed into new clothes (the clothes they were wearing belonged to the orphanage and needed to be returned) and packed everything into their backpacks and we went back to Layla for lunch.  When we got there the other children were out of class and came crowding around us to see us, touch us, and look at all the goodies in Solomon and Tinsaye's new backpacks.  We went in to the dining hall which had a huge map of America on the wall.  The other kids dragged us over to the map and showed us where Michigan was (to let us know that they all knew where Solomon and Tinsaye were going) and then started showing us where THEIR families were.  Many kids didn't have families yet and they showed us where their friends' families were.  Every child there had a better understanding of American geography than most American kids their ages!

Lunch was injera (bread) and miser wat (spicy lentil stew).  All the kids said a prayer, then served themselves cafeteria-style from huge dishes at the front of the room.  [Can you imagine American kids as young as 5 or 6 serving themselves bread and stew, carrying the plates to a table, eating, and cleaning up after themselves?  Without whining or asking someone for a juice box and a Gogurt?]  One little girl was a good friend of Tinsaye and she started crying during lunch.  She was sad that Tinsaye was leaving her.  As soon as the tears started, all of the other children immediately hugged her or moved closer to her.  Several kids started playing games or making jokes to cheer her up.  It was very clear that these kids were a family to each other and they had developed ways to help one another through times of sadness.  During lunch, all the teachers sat together at one table.  We spoke to Solomon and Tinsaye's teacher and he told us, "they are both genious, so smart, Solomon especially so quick".  Every parent loves to hear that!

When lunch was finished the other kids went back to class and the four of us returned to the guest house.  It felt a little weird to just sit around with them.  I kind of wanted to inspect them like you would your newborn baby... really feeling their toes and fingers, feeling their hair, inspecting everything, but they were totally PEOPLE not little blobby babies and they were actually strangers to me, so it seemed inappropriate.  Plus I wanted to scrub them for about an hour to get them really clean and inspect them for lice, but again, I wasn't feeling like that was exact;y okay.  I did check for lice (I am a teacher and I know lice when I see them!)-  all clear, hallelujah!  When I asked if Tinsaye wanted to take a shower, she said "Yes!  I love shower!" and she ripped all her clothes off immediately, so I took that as a good sign that she was feeling comfortable with me.  Unfortunately, there was no light in the bathroom and only a very small, covered window, so I couldn't exactly tell if she was getting clean or not in the near blackness!  Solomon was much less enthusiastic about his shower, but Tinsaye yelled at him in Amharic and he reluctantly put down his camera and took his clothes off too.  We spent most of the rest of the afternoon looking at the stuff in their backpacks and getting to know the other American families at the guest house. 

For dinner we walked to a American-style restaurant and ordered pizza, but it turned out that Tinsaye hates pizza (even though she claimed to love it).  She talked her dad into a huge piece of chocolate cake in lieu of actual food.  We started walking home and realized it was getting dark very quickly.  I didn't want to be out after dark and the kids started getting very nervous and walking faster.  By the time we got to our street we were practically running!  We made it back fine and were really ready to put on PJs and hit the sack.   The kids climbed into their beds, said their prayers and were asleep immediately.  We did the same.  It was a REALLY exhausting, amazing, wonderful day.

We now interrupt this story...

... with a short list of things we've learned in the last few days:

Solomon learned to ride his bike without training wheels, that it is okay to let go of the side of the pool, that we really do have to do school work every day.

Tinsaye learned how to swim!  Truly!  By herself.  And had the unimaginable courage to jump off the 3 meter diving board.  She also learned that even though it is hard to make friends in a strange place, she can do it and we will all be here to love her no matter what.

Thomas learned that too many sleepovers in one week leads to compromised sleep and poor decision-making ability, especially decisions related to nominating yourself "The Enforcer" and trying to discipline your siblings.

Meredith learned that getting your ears pierced hardly hurts at all, gets you a free date to the mall with mom, and garners lots of attention from lots of people.

Dad learned that Mom really needed Date Night!

Mom learned that Solomon and Tinsaye know their multiplication tables (!), that they used to get popsicles from their birth mom when they were sick, that everyone will eat pork roast and mashed potatoes, that when our four kids go out in the yard to play soccer 10 more neighborhood kids magically appear, and that every week things are a little easier.

The Story of our Trip- Part 1

I realized I never went back to write about our trip to Ethiopia.  Things just kind of took off around here and there wasn't any time to look backwards.  But since I'm awake at 4am (again) now seems like the time!

Friday, June 11-Saturday June 12:
Brian's parents drove us to the airport on Friday afternoon, we checked in for our flight, went through security,  then had 3 hours to sit around.  We had a nice dinner and tried to not be nervous.  We were on a 6:30pm flight out of Detroit to Frankfort and the plane was packed full of Muslim and Chaldean families traveling to the Middle East via Frankfort.  Many, many screaming babies and obnoxious little kids.  Not a great flight.  But Lufthansa is amazing!  They kept bringing us food and drinks and asking if there was anything else we wanted!  Astonishing.  The sun was rising as we flew over Europe and we saw the green hills of Ireland and the English Channel.  We landed in Frankfort at 8:30am local time.  We had to go through security again, but had plenty of time to get to our next flight from Frankfort to Addis Ababa.  This time the plane was half empty and we were able to spread out to empty seats and sleep.  When I woke up and looked out the window, we were flying over the Sahara desert.  Three hours later, we were still flying over the Sahara desert.  It's a whole lot of nothing but sand.  Then we saw the Nile River.  Very cool.  We landed in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia at 7pm local time, got our visas, went through immigration/customs, found our bags, went through security, found a shuttle to the Hilton, got checked in, ate a meal in the hotel restaurant, and were asleep in our bed by 10pm.  Everything went smoothly, no glitches, and we were really grateful for safe flights, good food, and a western hotel.

Sunday, June 13:
We were awake early (kind of a theme for the trip, our bodies had no idea what time it was and kept wanting to be awake or asleep at the wrong time) and enjoyed a beautiful morning.  We were on the 8th floor and our balcony overlooked the city, so we sat there watching the city come to life and trying to get our minds around the fact that we were on the other side of the world.  Addis is at 8,000 feet above sea level, so the temps are moderate.  It was always low 70s while we were there, cooler at night.  We really noticed the altitude:  one lap in the pool or one flight of stairs and we were winded.  We spent the day in the hotel just relaxing.  It was perfect.  We had a fantastic brunch buffet, took naps, walked around the hotel, and just enjoyed our last day alone.  We also left the hotel and went for a short walk around the city.  This was our first chance to really see Addis.  To my American eyes it was pretty awful.  People were everywhere, walking, standing, laying on the streets, sleeping under tarps, cooking food over open fires, begging, talking, just standing around.  In America, people are isolated by our cars and houses.  If you're outside on a street, you are going somewhere.  In Ethiopia, people were just spending their days on the street.  The air smelled strange to us too:  a spicy, smoky mix of people, fires, animals, and food.  And of course, complete poverty.  Two boys came up to us and said in English, "We are hungry, we don't have a family".  They walked along with us for a while, then gave up.  I was very overwhelmed by all of this and couldn't wait to get back the the hotel.  Brian was fascinated and would have walked around all day.  We went to bed early and tried to sleep, knowing that the next morning we'd go meet the kids.

Next post... Gotcha Day!

Summer photos

Just in case you are thinking after my last post, "she's losing it", I'm okay and we're having lots of fun along with the drama/trauma.  Here's the photographic evidence.

Ice cream really does make everything better.

Water balloons help too!

Phase Two

We've been home nearly four weeks now and the kids have pretty much figured out how things work (like the TV remote, the sliding glass door, the dishwasher, the sprinkler system, the automatic car doors, moon sand, bike helmets, the shower, and virtually everything else in their new American universe).  They are also pretty certain that we won't leave them or send them back and have really developed fairly strong attachments to us.  Sometimes their attachment to me is so strong I think I may be crushed to death.  "Mom..." precedes every word out of their mouths.  If they want me to look at something amazing they've discovered (like, say, everything) they need to say "Mom, see" at least three times.  If they come in from outside, they immediately say, "mom, mom, mom, mom..." infinitely until I respond, even if I'm upstairs.  Thomas and Meredith aren't much different and now they need to work twice as hard to get my attention, so it seems like they say "mom" as much as Tinsaye and Solomon.  One day last week it was lunchtime and I had already heard "mom" about 20 million times and I thought my ears would melt right off my head.  I said, "Okay guys, I can't take it anymore.  No one is allowed to say "mom" or ask for me for the next 10 minutes."  It suddenly got eerily silent and (I was actually counting) after 9 seconds a tiny voice said, "...mom...?"

Okay, so they love me.  Awesome.  That means that they feel secure enough to move into Phase Two, which is characterized by a super fun game called "I wonder what she'll do if I __________?" and every 20 minutes or so there's a new activity to fill in the blank.  For example, "I wonder what she'll do if I:
-refuse to get out of the pool?
-refuse to eat my lunch?
-refuse to do my math worksheet?
-pretend I don't hear her?
-pretend I didn't understand her English when she told me no?
-sneak off to the basement and watch TV on after I've been told to turn it off?
-ride my bicycle up to the front of the neighborhood alone without asking?
-cover my wall with stickers?
-take my sister's/brother's favorite whatever?
-ask one more time for something she's already told me NO 3 times?
-lay on the floor and cry?
-climb in her lap and cry?
-sit at the table and cry?

So far they've learned that I will drag them out of the pool, take away their lunch, make them do extra math, hide the TV remote, lock up the bike, make them clean the walls, make them apologize, continue to say no, and hold them when they cry.  I am REALLY tired now and we are going through a LOT of kleenex.  As exhausting as it is for me (physically, mentally and emotionally), I know we are making lots of progress.  I'm just glad I'm a professional educator and experienced parent.  I've had over 3,000 students try all this manipulative crap on me for the last 17 years and I don't fall for it.  I've also had 10 years of experience as a mom and I can dish up plenty of love along with the discipline.  But seriously, this is really hard work.

Life in the Sideshow

Before the kids came home, I used to think "I am totally okay with people staring at our family everywhere we go.  I am proud to have an unusual family and I welcome the opportunity to help people see the beauty of diversity." 

I now see that I was a tiny bit naive.

It's actually kind of crappy to have people stare at you everywhere you go.  I just want to run into Target, get a couple things and get out, but now we all pile out of the van and the sideshow begins.  It was a really bad sign when the checkout lady at Target said to us yesterday, "Hi guys!  I remember you!"  Sometimes people stare because we are black and white, but a lot of times they are staring because the kids are going four different directions while I frantically yell "stay together, don't touch that, we're not buying that, Meredith hustle, put it down, watch where you're going, keep your hands off your sister, pick up your shoe, we have that at home, Meredith walk faster, yes that's amazing, I told you to put it down, here's a tissue, okay fine just one, Meredith where are you now?".  So in reality, they are actually staring at me and thinking one of several things:

a.  That poor woman. (look of pity)
b.  That woman is a saint. (benign smile)
c.  That woman is an idiot. (look of skepticism and scorn)
d.  How did she do that?  (look of concentration as they figure ages, races, potential fathers)

Now I think that I will get better at managing the kids as we maneuver in public places.  Also, the new kids won't spend so much time looking at/ touching EVERYTHING in their environment.  Meredith may someday move faster.  Before long, they will be old enough to stay home while I run to Target.  Right now, however, we are the spectacle of the day for anyone in the vicinity.