Overload

[Caution:  this is not a happy post, sorry.  But it's my blog and I feel the need to vent a bit.]

One of the really crummy things about Michigan winters is being constantly surrounded by germs.  The kids pick up everything and then share it with all of us.  In the last month Solomon was throwing up, sore throat, cough, missed several days of school.  Meredith had pinkeye and now she and Solomon both have Fifths Disease.  Tinsaye and Thomas have had random upper respiratory problems and digestive complaints, but they haven't missed school.  It's all viral (except the pinkeye) and nothing can be done except wait it out.  In the meantime, Brian and I have to miss work, reschedule plans, take them to the doctor and/or pharmacy, and try to guess who will get it next while frantically disinfecting the house.  We knew we were probably going to have plenty of sick times with everyone getting used to new germs, but this is getting really frustrating.

Everything would be so much easier if one of us wasn't working.  I love my job (mostly), and I really don't want to be not working at all, but I there are times when I think I would give anything if my responsibilities were cut in half.

Things at school have been really horribly lately.  Due to declining enrollment in our district, the school board is considering closing a middle school and/or moving 5th grade to middle school and completely reconfiguring all buildings k-8.  This has turned into a political and emotional Armageddon for the entire school community.  No decision has been made yet and every day that goes by ratchets up the fear, anger, and mistrust that everyone is feeling.  Every conversation I have with staff and parents involves this issue.  It poisons my days.  Additionally, I've had a lot of serious issues with students and parents that are really stressing me out.  I am not having fun at work AT ALL these days.  Nothing I do seems to be about teaching and learning anymore.  It seems to be about documenting my decisions, disciplining students whose parents are then angry with me, avoiding politically sensitive conversations, and basically getting through the day.

Then I come home to sick kids.  Or I have to suddenly leave work early to go get a sick kid, adding further stress to my days.  The burden of the responsibilities I have on a daily basis is really wearing me down.

When I was a kid, both sets of my grandparents lived within 2 miles of our house.  Sometimes I have fantasies of having my parents and my in-laws that close, so that the kids could go there if I was late getting home.  Or they could pick up the sick kid from school or stay home with them when they suddenly start puking at 7:30am.  Or we could eat dinner at their house when I just can't face figuring out a meal at the end of a really horrible day.  We have amazing neighbors and friends who have helped us out a million times in situations like this, but I always feel guilty about this, like I can't quite keep my life together.  I don't think I'd feel the same guilt if family was helping out.

I can't stop working, we need the insurance even if we could figure out a way to do with the money.  My parents and inlaws aren't moving in next door any time soon.  I guess I'll just deal.  Fatigue, stress, guilt... that's how I roll for now.