Got a call from the agency today telling us we have a small issue. The home study documents approve us for "two healthy children" and technically, our kiddos aren't completely healthy due to the genetic condition with their eyes. Although they are fine right now, they have an increased risk of glaucoma and therefore are "special needs". So our home study social worker needs to write an addendum stating that we can deal with this, get it notarized, mail it to the agency and they need to include it before they can mail the documents to ET. So, we have a slight delay. Worse yet, the notarized addendum also needs to go to Immigration (USCIS) who just got our home study yesterday and they may tell us to resubmit the whole thing.
So we just move forward and hope for the best, I guess. I'm not going to pretend this didn't upset me. I don't want to think of these kids as "special needs" (although can you imagine any orphaned child who doesn't have special needs of some kind?) and I'm bummed about the stupid paperwork and delays. However, I'm very glad our awesome agency caught this now before everything went to ET and got thrown out of court and we had to start all over.
So say a prayer that USCIS clears us the first time out and things move forward smoothly from this point on.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Welcome to Our Family!
We have accepted the referral from the agency and we are so excited to tell you about our new kids!
Solomon is 6 years old. According to the reports from the social worker at the orphanage, he is sweet and smart. He is reading very well, better than kids older than him. He loves to sing and eat ice cream (doesn't that sound like he belongs in this family?) He is tiny, about 5 inches shorter and 20 lb lighter than Meredith. We intend to feed him lots of cheeseburgers!
Tinsaye is 8 years old. She is a very protective older sister to Solomon. Her teacher says she is a very good student and her best subject in school at the orphanage is English. She has made many friends and likes to be with girls her own age. She likes to eat spaghetti and wear short skirts (not too worried... they are only short by Ethiopian standards!). She is a couple inches taller than Meredith and 10 lbs lighter.
The kids lost their dad about a year ago and their mother brought them to the orphanage in November, the same week we turned in our application (crazy "coincidence"?). They are both healthy, other than being underweight, but have a genetic condition that exhibits in their eyes. Their vision is normal but the whites of their eyes have blueish areas. We've talked about this with our ophthalmologist and pediatrician and they don't feel that it presents a very significant issue. We will monitor it closely because there is a risk of glaucoma, but even that is treatable. We are impressed that they've already received good care, including an ophthalmologic evaluation in Ethiopia. We were really struggling with making a decision about the kids and then somehow we both, separately, came to have just a clear sense of peace. For me, it was a distinct sense that there was no decision for me to make, these kids were chosen for us.
They are beautiful children and I'd love to plaster the blog with photos for everyone to admire, but we can't post any photos on the web until they are our legal children. You'll have to just trust us!
Now we just kind of hang out and wait for all our documents to go through the Ethiopian courts. We're hoping to travel this summer. This entire experience continues to be a true blessing.
Solomon is 6 years old. According to the reports from the social worker at the orphanage, he is sweet and smart. He is reading very well, better than kids older than him. He loves to sing and eat ice cream (doesn't that sound like he belongs in this family?) He is tiny, about 5 inches shorter and 20 lb lighter than Meredith. We intend to feed him lots of cheeseburgers!
Tinsaye is 8 years old. She is a very protective older sister to Solomon. Her teacher says she is a very good student and her best subject in school at the orphanage is English. She has made many friends and likes to be with girls her own age. She likes to eat spaghetti and wear short skirts (not too worried... they are only short by Ethiopian standards!). She is a couple inches taller than Meredith and 10 lbs lighter.
The kids lost their dad about a year ago and their mother brought them to the orphanage in November, the same week we turned in our application (crazy "coincidence"?). They are both healthy, other than being underweight, but have a genetic condition that exhibits in their eyes. Their vision is normal but the whites of their eyes have blueish areas. We've talked about this with our ophthalmologist and pediatrician and they don't feel that it presents a very significant issue. We will monitor it closely because there is a risk of glaucoma, but even that is treatable. We are impressed that they've already received good care, including an ophthalmologic evaluation in Ethiopia. We were really struggling with making a decision about the kids and then somehow we both, separately, came to have just a clear sense of peace. For me, it was a distinct sense that there was no decision for me to make, these kids were chosen for us.
They are beautiful children and I'd love to plaster the blog with photos for everyone to admire, but we can't post any photos on the web until they are our legal children. You'll have to just trust us!
Now we just kind of hang out and wait for all our documents to go through the Ethiopian courts. We're hoping to travel this summer. This entire experience continues to be a true blessing.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Are You My Kids?
I cannot even believe I am writing this, but we got a referral for two children last night. It's inconceivable that it is all happening so fast! I emailed the agency in the afternoon to ask another question and the social worker replied and said that she got a fax of our homestudy the day before and she was approving it right then and were we ready to see our kids' files? I requested to see all three sibling groups that were there, but one child was actually older and our homestudy didn't qualify us for that pair. Then another pair were requested by another family earlier yesterday (unbelievable!) so she sent us the last waiting pair.
We've decided that we don't want to share details about the kids just yet because we need to really look at everything we've been sent, have the pediatrician review the medical documents, ask a few more questions of the agency, and spend a few days just letting it settle in before we decide to accept or decline the referral. We have two weeks to think about it. Until then, we could really use your prayers.
Absolutely nothing in life prepares you to look at two little faces and wonder "are you my children?" If so, what will you be like? What will you think of us? Of America? Can we be a good mom & dad to you even though we're not the same race and we don't speak the same language? If we decide not to accept you as our children, who will? What will become of you if no one does? Will we ever not see your faces in our minds and wonder?
This is one of these "hinge" moments on which our life forever turns. I like to tell people how I stayed at my parents' house the night before our wedding and when I woke up in the morning I ran in the bathroom and started puking. My mom came in, horrified, that I was sick on my wedding day (and potentially ruining a very important and expensive event). But I told her "I think I'm okay, it's just that everything's changing". The other terrifying/exciting/overwhelming time was as we were on our way out the door to go to the hospital to deliver Thomas. I just sat down on the bed and started crying. Brian came in, horrified, that I was having some gruesome birth trauma (that might make a mess on the floor or interfere with his eating schedule). But I told him, "I think I'm okay, I just know it will never be the same after we leave". Looking at the referral documents yesterday and today, I feel exactly the same way. Definitely queasy and weepy, with just a hint of gut-cramping abject terror thrown in.
I should not be allowed to operate heavy machinery in this state. My drive to school today was a blur and when I stepped out of the car I looked down and thought, "Thank God I put on shoes!" I really had no recollection of doing it, but since I wasn't wearing my slippers, I was really happy.
So we'll keep you all posted... isn't this more exciting than paperwork???
We've decided that we don't want to share details about the kids just yet because we need to really look at everything we've been sent, have the pediatrician review the medical documents, ask a few more questions of the agency, and spend a few days just letting it settle in before we decide to accept or decline the referral. We have two weeks to think about it. Until then, we could really use your prayers.
Absolutely nothing in life prepares you to look at two little faces and wonder "are you my children?" If so, what will you be like? What will you think of us? Of America? Can we be a good mom & dad to you even though we're not the same race and we don't speak the same language? If we decide not to accept you as our children, who will? What will become of you if no one does? Will we ever not see your faces in our minds and wonder?
This is one of these "hinge" moments on which our life forever turns. I like to tell people how I stayed at my parents' house the night before our wedding and when I woke up in the morning I ran in the bathroom and started puking. My mom came in, horrified, that I was sick on my wedding day (and potentially ruining a very important and expensive event). But I told her "I think I'm okay, it's just that everything's changing". The other terrifying/exciting/overwhelming time was as we were on our way out the door to go to the hospital to deliver Thomas. I just sat down on the bed and started crying. Brian came in, horrified, that I was having some gruesome birth trauma (that might make a mess on the floor or interfere with his eating schedule). But I told him, "I think I'm okay, I just know it will never be the same after we leave". Looking at the referral documents yesterday and today, I feel exactly the same way. Definitely queasy and weepy, with just a hint of gut-cramping abject terror thrown in.
I should not be allowed to operate heavy machinery in this state. My drive to school today was a blur and when I stepped out of the car I looked down and thought, "Thank God I put on shoes!" I really had no recollection of doing it, but since I wasn't wearing my slippers, I was really happy.
So we'll keep you all posted... isn't this more exciting than paperwork???
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Loaves and Fishes Part 2
Lots of great news this week! We had our final homestudy visit on Friday. Everything looks great and our social worker plans to have the homestudy report completed by the end of next week. A notarized copy goes to our agency and that completes our file (which will then be sent to Ethiopia and translated). At that point we are able to receive a referral, which means the agency presents us with all the information they have about children that match our qualifications (healthy, male/female sibs between 4-10 yrs old). Because we have really specific qualifications, we will have to wait until kids that fit our needs come to the orphanage and we anticipated waiting a long time for a referral.
So I emailed the agency for a few other questions this week and asked if I could see their list of waiting children. This is a list that they keep of children at the orphanage who have complete files and are "adoptable", but no one has requested them for whatever reason. I have seen these lists in the past and they break your heart, plus I've never seen sibling groups like we are hoping for, but I decided to ask this time. I nearly fell out of my chair when I opened the document and found that THREE pairs of healthy brother/sister siblings in our age range came to the orphanage in November! I was overjoyed to think that they may still be waiting for families when we can accept them as a referral and that our wait might not be long at all! I showed Brian and his first comment was "November was a horrible month in Ethiopia." And he was exactly right... 22 kids came to the orphanage in November and are on the waiting list for families.
I'm really excited to think that we may be able to move forward more quickly that we had dared to hope and that our kids won't have to stay at the orphanage too long. And I still can't get over the fact that not one, not two, but three sibling groups arrived right as we began the process (loaves and fishes, baby!). But as Brian noted, everything about adoption is bittersweet-- our joy means someone else's sorrow. Our excitement means someone else's disappointment. Our family growing means that another family was decimated. It is a sobering reality, but we are choosing to focus on the positive... the joyful hope that we have for the kids soon to be ours!
So I emailed the agency for a few other questions this week and asked if I could see their list of waiting children. This is a list that they keep of children at the orphanage who have complete files and are "adoptable", but no one has requested them for whatever reason. I have seen these lists in the past and they break your heart, plus I've never seen sibling groups like we are hoping for, but I decided to ask this time. I nearly fell out of my chair when I opened the document and found that THREE pairs of healthy brother/sister siblings in our age range came to the orphanage in November! I was overjoyed to think that they may still be waiting for families when we can accept them as a referral and that our wait might not be long at all! I showed Brian and his first comment was "November was a horrible month in Ethiopia." And he was exactly right... 22 kids came to the orphanage in November and are on the waiting list for families.
I'm really excited to think that we may be able to move forward more quickly that we had dared to hope and that our kids won't have to stay at the orphanage too long. And I still can't get over the fact that not one, not two, but three sibling groups arrived right as we began the process (loaves and fishes, baby!). But as Brian noted, everything about adoption is bittersweet-- our joy means someone else's sorrow. Our excitement means someone else's disappointment. Our family growing means that another family was decimated. It is a sobering reality, but we are choosing to focus on the positive... the joyful hope that we have for the kids soon to be ours!
Random Freak Outs
Near the end of Christmas Break I was getting bored around the house and spending WAY too much time reading adoption blogs and newsgroups and bulletin boards. Just like when I was pregnant and read all the scary chapters at the back of "What to Expect When You're Expecting", I started to freak out. What if our new kids won't eat anything except chicken nuggets? What if they refuse to sleep in their beds? What if they have lice and scabies and intestinal parasites and undiagnosed genetic disorders and grief issues and learning disabilities and post-traumatic stress disorder? What if I am terrible at doing black girl hair and they look awful and black moms say mean things to me? As you can tell, I became completely irrational and lost all perspective. So Brian hugged me and restricted my computer use, which helped a lot. But then I shared some of my anxieties with some friends. One friend said, "You're a great mom! Whatever comes up you will learn how to deal with it just like you've learned how to deal with stuff for your other kids." Another friend said, "They call it 'transition' for a reason... there's hard stuff at first that doesn't stay that way and you just move forward and it becomes the new normal." And another friend said, "Whatever God has in mind for you is His plan, and it is a PERFECT plan...beyond what you could imagine."
I am so grateful (AGAIN!!) for the many wonderful people in my life who support me when I need it. Not only was I encouraged immeasurably by their wisdom and kindness, but I know that they will be a source of strength for us when actual (not imagined) challenges come up.
I am so grateful (AGAIN!!) for the many wonderful people in my life who support me when I need it. Not only was I encouraged immeasurably by their wisdom and kindness, but I know that they will be a source of strength for us when actual (not imagined) challenges come up.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Loaves and Fishes
Brian and I have a new hobby of looking for "loaves and fishes", as in when Jesus took the loaves and fishes and fed the 5,000. Whenever we discover money or stuff we didn't expect we look at each other and say "loaves and fishes, baby!" Maybe it's because we're looking for it, but there seems to be a lot of loaves and fishes these days. Sometimes it's little things, like the extra two tacos they put in our sack from Taco Bell a couple weeks ago (Thomas was really glad it was tacos and not actually fishes or loaves!). Sometimes it's big things, like my paycheck seemed a little bigger recently. We discovered that starting with the very next pay after we signed the adoption application I was getting $68 more each check because I had just finished paying for my 5 years of service credit that was being deducted each pay. Loaves and fishes, baby!
Along those same lines, an amazing thing happened to me a couple weeks ago. One morning I got a nice email from a friend who had learned about the adoption and wanted to wish us well. She has an adopted son and I was struck with the fact that we have many, many friends with adopted children but they were all adopted as infants. It occurred to me that we really don't know anyone personally who has adopted older children or siblings and that we would have to seek out those resources at some point. So I went on with my day, which included leaving school in the middle of day to go see Meredith's class put on a little Christmas program. It was totally inconvenient and I really didn't want to go (I'm not exactly SuperMom, here, I know) but I went and it was, of course, adorable. Afterward, another mom came up to me and said, "I know you're Meredith's mom, I wanted to introduce myself. I heard you were adopting and I wondered if you knew that we adopted four sisters from Colombia when they were 12, 10, 8, and 6." We had a great conversation (the first of many, I hope) and as I was driving back to school, I was overwhelmed by the "coincidence" of this connection. I wish I could say that I had actually prayed for a person like this in my life, but I really just thought about it and then she appeared a matter of hours later. I'm still awed by the providence we've been shown again and again, in things both big and small.
It makes me wonder what other Loaves and Fishes might be coming our way next! Thomas is still hoping for more tacos...
Along those same lines, an amazing thing happened to me a couple weeks ago. One morning I got a nice email from a friend who had learned about the adoption and wanted to wish us well. She has an adopted son and I was struck with the fact that we have many, many friends with adopted children but they were all adopted as infants. It occurred to me that we really don't know anyone personally who has adopted older children or siblings and that we would have to seek out those resources at some point. So I went on with my day, which included leaving school in the middle of day to go see Meredith's class put on a little Christmas program. It was totally inconvenient and I really didn't want to go (I'm not exactly SuperMom, here, I know) but I went and it was, of course, adorable. Afterward, another mom came up to me and said, "I know you're Meredith's mom, I wanted to introduce myself. I heard you were adopting and I wondered if you knew that we adopted four sisters from Colombia when they were 12, 10, 8, and 6." We had a great conversation (the first of many, I hope) and as I was driving back to school, I was overwhelmed by the "coincidence" of this connection. I wish I could say that I had actually prayed for a person like this in my life, but I really just thought about it and then she appeared a matter of hours later. I'm still awed by the providence we've been shown again and again, in things both big and small.
It makes me wonder what other Loaves and Fishes might be coming our way next! Thomas is still hoping for more tacos...
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Christmas Letter 2009
Due to the overload this December with adoption stuff on top of all the regular Christmas craziness, I was feeling super stressed about mailing Christmas cards. Then I realized, "Who needs cards when you have a blog?" So here's our annual letter... technologically new and improved for 2009!
Of course, the adoption is our biggest thing going on this year. The other big thing for our family has been Brian's work situation. He started his own video editing/production business in March and it is really taking off. He is the very proud President and CEO of Riveting Media Inc. He has purchased the gear he needed and learned a new editing program. He has one long-term client with ongoing work for him as well as several other smaller projects in the works. He also does freelance editing and post-production facilities around Detroit. Now that he feels like he has a handle on his new system, he intends to rachet up the marketing and seek more clients. He works out of the house and it has been the greatest thing ever for our family to have Dad around to get the kids on the bus, volunteer at school, and be home for dinner every night. We love how much less overwhelmed we all feel.
My job is pretty much the same as always. I was having trouble with my singing voice in the winter and was diagnosed with vocal nodules. I went on vocal rest for 10 weeks, if you can believe it. I couldn't teach or talk for all that time! It was excruciating. It was also in Jan-Feb-Mar when it was cold, dark, and miserable outside and Brian wasn't working and we just stared at each other all day and tried not to throw ourselves off a cliff. It was really a horrible time, but as always, those dark times pass and you can appreciate the good times even more. The nodules resolved and now I am much more careful with how I use my voice. I wear a headset mic in class all the time and I try not to talk much or too loud ever. It will always be an issue for me now and I'm considering getting into administration and out of the classroom at some point, but right now I just want to keep things as stable as possible while our family is changing.
Thomas is a fourth grader this year and having a super year in school. His whole third grade class stayed together and their teacher came with them up to fourth grade, which made for a great transition with no down time. In fact, he and his (fantastic) teacher emailed back and forth all summer to practice his writing and typing. He played basketball and took swimming lessons last winter, had a great baseball season (with his dad as the head coach), and played flag football in the fall. His biggest passion is probably football. Every recess every day is football and as soon as he gets off the bus and inhales a snack he's back outside to find some kids to play more football with. He desperately wants to play tackle next fall, and I guess we've held him off as long as we can. We made it this far with no broken bones (which is more than I hoped for) so we'll cross our fingers and hope to stay out of the emergency room.
Meredith is a first grader now. She's also working hard in school. Her reading astonishes me sometimes... she loves to snuggle up to me while I'm reading my book and she will start reading out loud whatever I'm reading (which is awesome, except I had to give up the trashy romance novels!). She is endlessly creative and spends a lot of time thinking up and trying out new hairstyles (right before she's supposed to be getting on the bus), giant multimedia art projects (that involve the hot glue gun, sequins, and mom whenever possible), and "forts" (that require every blanket in the house and cover most of the basement). If her new sister or brother is anything like her, we may never be on time anywhere ever again.
We didn't take any major vacations this year, but we love to spend as much time as we can at my parents' cabin on Lake Charlevoix. Thomas is a kneeboarding maniac, Meredith mostly likes to watch and jump in when the boat stops. They also like to take the canoe along the shore and have adventures in the woods. We all went to a Tigers game in July with Brian's parents and a Red Wings game in February as well as a weekend at Kahihari Waterpark in Ohio. We spent a lot of time with our families, our friends, and our neighbors. We had a big neighborhood Halloween party at our house and I think that kind of summed up our fun stuff this year: we enjoyed simple activities with people we care about and had a great time.
Whenever I look back on our year to write my Christmas letter, even this year which has been difficult and crazy, I just feel overwhelmingly blessed. We hope you see the blessings in your lives and may 2010 bring you and your family joy and peace!
Of course, the adoption is our biggest thing going on this year. The other big thing for our family has been Brian's work situation. He started his own video editing/production business in March and it is really taking off. He is the very proud President and CEO of Riveting Media Inc. He has purchased the gear he needed and learned a new editing program. He has one long-term client with ongoing work for him as well as several other smaller projects in the works. He also does freelance editing and post-production facilities around Detroit. Now that he feels like he has a handle on his new system, he intends to rachet up the marketing and seek more clients. He works out of the house and it has been the greatest thing ever for our family to have Dad around to get the kids on the bus, volunteer at school, and be home for dinner every night. We love how much less overwhelmed we all feel.
My job is pretty much the same as always. I was having trouble with my singing voice in the winter and was diagnosed with vocal nodules. I went on vocal rest for 10 weeks, if you can believe it. I couldn't teach or talk for all that time! It was excruciating. It was also in Jan-Feb-Mar when it was cold, dark, and miserable outside and Brian wasn't working and we just stared at each other all day and tried not to throw ourselves off a cliff. It was really a horrible time, but as always, those dark times pass and you can appreciate the good times even more. The nodules resolved and now I am much more careful with how I use my voice. I wear a headset mic in class all the time and I try not to talk much or too loud ever. It will always be an issue for me now and I'm considering getting into administration and out of the classroom at some point, but right now I just want to keep things as stable as possible while our family is changing.
Thomas is a fourth grader this year and having a super year in school. His whole third grade class stayed together and their teacher came with them up to fourth grade, which made for a great transition with no down time. In fact, he and his (fantastic) teacher emailed back and forth all summer to practice his writing and typing. He played basketball and took swimming lessons last winter, had a great baseball season (with his dad as the head coach), and played flag football in the fall. His biggest passion is probably football. Every recess every day is football and as soon as he gets off the bus and inhales a snack he's back outside to find some kids to play more football with. He desperately wants to play tackle next fall, and I guess we've held him off as long as we can. We made it this far with no broken bones (which is more than I hoped for) so we'll cross our fingers and hope to stay out of the emergency room.
Meredith is a first grader now. She's also working hard in school. Her reading astonishes me sometimes... she loves to snuggle up to me while I'm reading my book and she will start reading out loud whatever I'm reading (which is awesome, except I had to give up the trashy romance novels!). She is endlessly creative and spends a lot of time thinking up and trying out new hairstyles (right before she's supposed to be getting on the bus), giant multimedia art projects (that involve the hot glue gun, sequins, and mom whenever possible), and "forts" (that require every blanket in the house and cover most of the basement). If her new sister or brother is anything like her, we may never be on time anywhere ever again.
We didn't take any major vacations this year, but we love to spend as much time as we can at my parents' cabin on Lake Charlevoix. Thomas is a kneeboarding maniac, Meredith mostly likes to watch and jump in when the boat stops. They also like to take the canoe along the shore and have adventures in the woods. We all went to a Tigers game in July with Brian's parents and a Red Wings game in February as well as a weekend at Kahihari Waterpark in Ohio. We spent a lot of time with our families, our friends, and our neighbors. We had a big neighborhood Halloween party at our house and I think that kind of summed up our fun stuff this year: we enjoyed simple activities with people we care about and had a great time.
Whenever I look back on our year to write my Christmas letter, even this year which has been difficult and crazy, I just feel overwhelmingly blessed. We hope you see the blessings in your lives and may 2010 bring you and your family joy and peace!
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