I am glad to see 2010 come to a close, only because I don't think we could cram anything else into this year. I'm not going to rehash everything because it's all on the blog here somewhere. I'm really glad to have the record of our amazing year because many things seem like a blur only a few months out, so I know I'll forget so much as the years go on.
Yesterday we took the kids rollerskating. We went last week too and Tinsaye and Solomon picked it up immediately (one more new American thing they've mastered). Yesterday as the kids were skating around like maniacs and Brian and I were sitting on a bench like a couple of old fogeys, we had kind of a simultaneous premonition of our life in years to come. The kids were doing their own thing, totally independent of us, solving their own problems and having adventures without us, while we happily rest and watch them with pride as they soar off on their own. For now we only get glimpses of that life, and then it's back to our current reality ("mom, my skate came undone, I lost my quarter, can we get a pretzel?). We are trying hard to remember to appreciate these years and be grateful for all the blessings along the journey.
Speaking of blessings along the journey.... Brian and his dad have been working on installing a new garage door opener (our died last week) for the past 5 hours and 20 minutes. They ran into some major problems followed by minor problems followed by interruptions which are now causing them to miss Notre Dame's bowl game. Brian just passed by on his way to get another tool and said, "Did I ever tell you how much fun it is to be the dad?" to which I replied, "Almost as much fun as it is to be the mom!" I spent my day vacuuming petrified french fries out of the minivan, buying $180 worth of groceries and then putting them all away, applying an ice pack to a suspected concussion, and feeding four Baert kids, one neighbor kid, two angry men, and myself. Although I have a strong suspicion our lives will be on this track for a while now, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Snow Day Musings
"If you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:10-11
A friend sent me this scripture to encourage me when I was whining to her about how hard the day-to-day stuff is for me (she was in Ethiopia with us bringing home 2 girls to join her 2 boys, so she is totally living my life). The imagery seems a little off right now, especially when there's 8 inches of snow on the ground with sub-zero windchills, but I have really needed some frame strengthening (and a snow day really helps!)
The new kids have really struggled with the Christmas season. They were feeling pretty comfortable in America when suddenly, the day after Thanksgiving, everything changed. Decorations and lights were everywhere, the music on the radio changed to Christmas tunes that everyone else except them knew, people kept talking about traditions and events that were totally unfamiliar to them and expecting them to be excited. Everything was suddenly scary and new again. And even in the most secular observances of the holiday, the focus is on family... a topic which stirs up all the trauma of the loss of their first family. They both started having dreams of Ethiopia, having trouble sleeping, and acting out. Tinsaye especially has been processing a lot of grief. After being sassy and disrespectful to me, mean to Solomon, and getting sent to her room, where she cried and cried, she said to me, "Mom, I don't know what's happening to me. I am never a bad girl in Ethiopia and now in America I am so bad." She is just really having a hard time with all of it.
The good news is they are through the worst of it and feeling more peaceful and comfortable now. We have spent most of our time at home. We have said no to almost every invitation anywhere, we opted out of some activities we usually do, we watched Ethiopian religious music videos while we decorated the Christmas tree, we have spent lots of time on the couch under lots of blankets eating popcorn and watching Christmas movies so they can absorb American Christmas culture in a safe place and ask all their crazy questions ("Mom, what is mistletoe? Who is Frosty the Snowman? Why there is song about him? Is he with Jesus? What is reindeer? Why they not having snow deer, it's snowing at Christmas? All we have to do is write on list and Santa brings it ALL????). We try to downplay Santa, but they think he's just like all the other magical things in America: fresh water, free education, paved roads, automatic doors, ATMs, and Santa. He's no more astonishing than those other things. And I'm hoping they're clear on the fact that, NO, he doesn't bring it ALL.
So at the end of the day, when I have answered 12 billion questions (many for the third time), wiped endless tears, broken up multiple fights, and hugged everyone over and over, I am spent. I was telling this all to my hairdresser and she got all teary and said, "Joan, I don't know how you do it. I get all emotional just hearing you talk about it and you have to do it everyday." And I realized that God continues to do what He promised... I am a 'spring whose waters never fail' because He gives me the patience to sit on the floor and hold a sobbing Ethiopian for 20 minutes. There's no way I'm doing that on my own. And He is absolutely 'guiding me always' because somehow I find the words to comfort and reassure when I am always terrified I'll blow up in anger and frustration. And my 'frame' is definitely 'strengthened' when I have the energy to make lunches, email teachers, fix ripped snowpants, and wrap gifts after dealing with a full day of work followed by four more hours of traumatized children.
Now, do I get it right all the time? Definitely not. In fact, I just had to stop writing this blog post to find the TV remote for Solomon and Thomas's boots and just caught myself yelling (and I quote), "I am going to KILL the next person who expects me to find something that he left in some stupid place and that includes you, Brian, because your idiotic hat is exactly where you left it when you came in!!!!" I'm not Super Mom. But I guess I am Supernatural Mom, because God is faithful and He supplies what we need. Including a snow day, because I really needed that today and TA-DA, here it is! On behalf of myself, my kids, and all the children and teachers in Southeast Michigan, thank you Lord for a blessed snow day!
A friend sent me this scripture to encourage me when I was whining to her about how hard the day-to-day stuff is for me (she was in Ethiopia with us bringing home 2 girls to join her 2 boys, so she is totally living my life). The imagery seems a little off right now, especially when there's 8 inches of snow on the ground with sub-zero windchills, but I have really needed some frame strengthening (and a snow day really helps!)
The new kids have really struggled with the Christmas season. They were feeling pretty comfortable in America when suddenly, the day after Thanksgiving, everything changed. Decorations and lights were everywhere, the music on the radio changed to Christmas tunes that everyone else except them knew, people kept talking about traditions and events that were totally unfamiliar to them and expecting them to be excited. Everything was suddenly scary and new again. And even in the most secular observances of the holiday, the focus is on family... a topic which stirs up all the trauma of the loss of their first family. They both started having dreams of Ethiopia, having trouble sleeping, and acting out. Tinsaye especially has been processing a lot of grief. After being sassy and disrespectful to me, mean to Solomon, and getting sent to her room, where she cried and cried, she said to me, "Mom, I don't know what's happening to me. I am never a bad girl in Ethiopia and now in America I am so bad." She is just really having a hard time with all of it.
The good news is they are through the worst of it and feeling more peaceful and comfortable now. We have spent most of our time at home. We have said no to almost every invitation anywhere, we opted out of some activities we usually do, we watched Ethiopian religious music videos while we decorated the Christmas tree, we have spent lots of time on the couch under lots of blankets eating popcorn and watching Christmas movies so they can absorb American Christmas culture in a safe place and ask all their crazy questions ("Mom, what is mistletoe? Who is Frosty the Snowman? Why there is song about him? Is he with Jesus? What is reindeer? Why they not having snow deer, it's snowing at Christmas? All we have to do is write on list and Santa brings it ALL????). We try to downplay Santa, but they think he's just like all the other magical things in America: fresh water, free education, paved roads, automatic doors, ATMs, and Santa. He's no more astonishing than those other things. And I'm hoping they're clear on the fact that, NO, he doesn't bring it ALL.
So at the end of the day, when I have answered 12 billion questions (many for the third time), wiped endless tears, broken up multiple fights, and hugged everyone over and over, I am spent. I was telling this all to my hairdresser and she got all teary and said, "Joan, I don't know how you do it. I get all emotional just hearing you talk about it and you have to do it everyday." And I realized that God continues to do what He promised... I am a 'spring whose waters never fail' because He gives me the patience to sit on the floor and hold a sobbing Ethiopian for 20 minutes. There's no way I'm doing that on my own. And He is absolutely 'guiding me always' because somehow I find the words to comfort and reassure when I am always terrified I'll blow up in anger and frustration. And my 'frame' is definitely 'strengthened' when I have the energy to make lunches, email teachers, fix ripped snowpants, and wrap gifts after dealing with a full day of work followed by four more hours of traumatized children.
Now, do I get it right all the time? Definitely not. In fact, I just had to stop writing this blog post to find the TV remote for Solomon and Thomas's boots and just caught myself yelling (and I quote), "I am going to KILL the next person who expects me to find something that he left in some stupid place and that includes you, Brian, because your idiotic hat is exactly where you left it when you came in!!!!" I'm not Super Mom. But I guess I am Supernatural Mom, because God is faithful and He supplies what we need. Including a snow day, because I really needed that today and TA-DA, here it is! On behalf of myself, my kids, and all the children and teachers in Southeast Michigan, thank you Lord for a blessed snow day!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thanksgiving Update
People keep telling me "I wish you could post on your blog more often, but I know you're busy." I'm right there with you! But since it's Thanksgiving and I have more things to be thankful for than I can even count, I figured I'd squeeze in a quick update.
Thomas spent three days at Fifth Grade Camp earlier this month. It was a terrific time, mostly hands-on science curriculum and it was right up his alley. He came home feeling even cooler than he was before (as if that's possible). It was funny how much Mere, Tinsaye, and Solomon missed him. They kept saying, "I wonder what Thomas is doing now?" and when I told them that they should get used to it because someday he was going to college without them, Tinsaye started crying. She pretty much can't deal with any more family changes right now.
Speaking of Tinsaye, we've been pretty overwhelmed with a big issue for her: her age. Her birth certificate issued by the Ethiopian government said her birthdate was 7/2/2002. The longer she was here, the more convinced we were that she was older than 8. She knows she's older than 8 too, but Ethiopian calendar and tradition of counting birthdays differently made it really hard for us to determine the correct age. Plus she's doing really well in school (2nd grade) and we don't want to change her grade right now. So after a bone scan, a consultation with an international adoption specialist doctor, our pediatrician, a family therapist, and her teachers, we are officially changing her birthdate to 7/2/2001, making her 9 1/2. She seems happy with this and at peace (which is a big relief since she we have had lots of emotional drama surrounding this issue). Thomas is VERY relieved to still be the oldest. We may move her up a grade at some point, but this year she is staying put. We applied for her Michigan birth certificate with the age change and we'll have to go to a hearing in Oakland County court to present the medical reasons, but after we have a new MI birth certificate, we can get federal documentation and be done with it forever.
I keep forgetting to update you all about the kids' medical issues. We've spent a lot of time this fall dealing with doctors, even beyond all the stuff dealing with Tinsaye's age. We saw a geneticist who confirmed that they both have Axenfeld-Riegers Syndrome. We also had full cardiology exams for both kids since the genetic anomaly can lead to cardiac malformation too. They were both completely normal and healthy! We are supposed to see an audiologist also to rule out any ear malformations, but I feel confident that they hear just fine, so we've put that off for now. Both Solomon and Tinsaye's eye pressures continue to improve and Tinsaye's vision has actually improved somewhat (from astonishingly bad to just remarkably bad!). Solomon goes back for a recheck with the ophthalmologist next Friday and if pressures are still good, we will plan a surgery to fix the strabismus (wandering eye). He doesn't know about the surgery, I think he'll be really scared. We'll just deal with it as it comes. Both kids' teeth are a disaster. Many adult teeth never formed in utero, so they will just have to have bridges or implants or something, but they are too young to do anything about it now, so they just look crazy. Solomon actually got his two adult bottom teeth, but never lost his baby ones... the adult teeth just came in behind the babies, so he's a total Shark Boy right now. He cried and cried because the Tooth Fairy never came for him! We are all caught up on their immunizations for now, so that is one less thing to deal with.
All the kids are playing community ed basketball right now and having fun with that. Beyond that, school and church keep us unbelievably busy. The girls are preparing for First Communion in the spring, so they just had their First Reconciliation. Meredith was very worried because she could not think of any sins she needed to confess and if she made any up, she'd be lying, which would be a sin that she needed to confess! Quite a quandary. She eventually decided to own up to "ignoring her dad" and "hitting her brother" and she felt really good about her confession. Tinsaye made a list of about 10 ordinary sins like "fighting with my brother", but then in the heat of the confessional, she told me she panicked and admitted to "pantsing my brother in the front yard, but it was on accident and I said I was sorry ten times, but he no listen to me, he is so angry". It must be hilarious for the priest to hear first confessions! Thomas went to the training to be an altar server. It seemed like a good idea, since we often serve as host family and Thomas helps on the altar frequently. However, when we realized that he was going to have to carry a giant lit candle up the entire aisle and put it in a holder without starting a fire, sit without figiting in front of hundreds of people for the entire hour, and carry wine around without dropping it, I figured that it might not be such a great idea after all. Maybe I could get him an earpiece like the Secret Service guys wear and talk into my sleeve while he's up there, saying things like, "watch where you're going, quit picking your scabs, tie your shoe, hold the chalice with BOTH hands!" Or maybe we can just wait a year or two.
Overall, we are just blessed and blessed and blessed. And tired. But blessed.
Thomas spent three days at Fifth Grade Camp earlier this month. It was a terrific time, mostly hands-on science curriculum and it was right up his alley. He came home feeling even cooler than he was before (as if that's possible). It was funny how much Mere, Tinsaye, and Solomon missed him. They kept saying, "I wonder what Thomas is doing now?" and when I told them that they should get used to it because someday he was going to college without them, Tinsaye started crying. She pretty much can't deal with any more family changes right now.
Speaking of Tinsaye, we've been pretty overwhelmed with a big issue for her: her age. Her birth certificate issued by the Ethiopian government said her birthdate was 7/2/2002. The longer she was here, the more convinced we were that she was older than 8. She knows she's older than 8 too, but Ethiopian calendar and tradition of counting birthdays differently made it really hard for us to determine the correct age. Plus she's doing really well in school (2nd grade) and we don't want to change her grade right now. So after a bone scan, a consultation with an international adoption specialist doctor, our pediatrician, a family therapist, and her teachers, we are officially changing her birthdate to 7/2/2001, making her 9 1/2. She seems happy with this and at peace (which is a big relief since she we have had lots of emotional drama surrounding this issue). Thomas is VERY relieved to still be the oldest. We may move her up a grade at some point, but this year she is staying put. We applied for her Michigan birth certificate with the age change and we'll have to go to a hearing in Oakland County court to present the medical reasons, but after we have a new MI birth certificate, we can get federal documentation and be done with it forever.
I keep forgetting to update you all about the kids' medical issues. We've spent a lot of time this fall dealing with doctors, even beyond all the stuff dealing with Tinsaye's age. We saw a geneticist who confirmed that they both have Axenfeld-Riegers Syndrome. We also had full cardiology exams for both kids since the genetic anomaly can lead to cardiac malformation too. They were both completely normal and healthy! We are supposed to see an audiologist also to rule out any ear malformations, but I feel confident that they hear just fine, so we've put that off for now. Both Solomon and Tinsaye's eye pressures continue to improve and Tinsaye's vision has actually improved somewhat (from astonishingly bad to just remarkably bad!). Solomon goes back for a recheck with the ophthalmologist next Friday and if pressures are still good, we will plan a surgery to fix the strabismus (wandering eye). He doesn't know about the surgery, I think he'll be really scared. We'll just deal with it as it comes. Both kids' teeth are a disaster. Many adult teeth never formed in utero, so they will just have to have bridges or implants or something, but they are too young to do anything about it now, so they just look crazy. Solomon actually got his two adult bottom teeth, but never lost his baby ones... the adult teeth just came in behind the babies, so he's a total Shark Boy right now. He cried and cried because the Tooth Fairy never came for him! We are all caught up on their immunizations for now, so that is one less thing to deal with.
All the kids are playing community ed basketball right now and having fun with that. Beyond that, school and church keep us unbelievably busy. The girls are preparing for First Communion in the spring, so they just had their First Reconciliation. Meredith was very worried because she could not think of any sins she needed to confess and if she made any up, she'd be lying, which would be a sin that she needed to confess! Quite a quandary. She eventually decided to own up to "ignoring her dad" and "hitting her brother" and she felt really good about her confession. Tinsaye made a list of about 10 ordinary sins like "fighting with my brother", but then in the heat of the confessional, she told me she panicked and admitted to "pantsing my brother in the front yard, but it was on accident and I said I was sorry ten times, but he no listen to me, he is so angry". It must be hilarious for the priest to hear first confessions! Thomas went to the training to be an altar server. It seemed like a good idea, since we often serve as host family and Thomas helps on the altar frequently. However, when we realized that he was going to have to carry a giant lit candle up the entire aisle and put it in a holder without starting a fire, sit without figiting in front of hundreds of people for the entire hour, and carry wine around without dropping it, I figured that it might not be such a great idea after all. Maybe I could get him an earpiece like the Secret Service guys wear and talk into my sleeve while he's up there, saying things like, "watch where you're going, quit picking your scabs, tie your shoe, hold the chalice with BOTH hands!" Or maybe we can just wait a year or two.
Overall, we are just blessed and blessed and blessed. And tired. But blessed.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
November 6-- Faith Day
November 6, 1997: I have a new job, we are in a new house, our world is great. Now we're ready to have a baby! Everything is going along just perfectly according to plan.
November 6, 1998: I have had two miscarriages and now I'm not getting pregnant again. I am so full of grief, fear, and longing that I feel broken inside and I'm not sure I'll ever be happy again.
November 6, 1999: Another miscarriage, more doctors, a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis. Now I'm pregnant again and too scared to be happy. But I'm farther along than before and I continue to pray. If it doesn't work out this time, we are looking into international adoption next. Knowing that we will have a family one way or another gives me peace.
November 6, 2000: Perfect baby Thomas was born in March. After a rocky start, he's doing great and we are finally the family I have been praying for.
November 6, 2001: Everything is going great in our lives.... maybe we should be thinking about baby #2. Am I ready for all the doctors? For feeling terrible when I go off my arthritis meds? We'll give it a shot, but nothing heroic. If it doesn't work out, there are millions of children in this world who need a family. If I've learned anything, it's that God has a plan for us.
November 6, 2002: I'm pregnant and expecting a miscarriage any day. I refuse to get my hopes up...but...the early ultrasounds look good, the hormone levels continue to rise (did I mention how much I LOVE bloodwork and doctors?) and I'm puking daily. God, give me the strength to endure whatever you have in store for me.
November 6, 2003: Meredith arrived in June and NOW we are finally the family I have been praying for. It's a lot of work, though. I'm working days and Brian's working nights and we hand off each afternoon.
November 6, 2004: We've got it all under control. Lots of work, but it's all good.
November 6, 2005: Thomas is in school, Brian's back to days. We're making plenty of money, kids are getting easier. How perfect is this life? Thank you God for all our many blessings.
November 6, 2006: Yeah, I'm sure I'm crazy , but there's just this tiny little thing... I'm wondering if maybe our family is not quite done. Seems a little bit like someone is missing. But I just can't deal with all the fertility stuff again. And I'm really over the whole baby scene. Hmmmm.....
November 6, 2007: I'm pretty sure two kids are missing from our family. I'm also pretty sure Brian is going to kill me. I just can't get it out of my head. Somebody needs us. It makes no sense at all. Why would we mess up our perfect family? If this is what God wants for our family, he's going to have to work some serious miracles.
November 6, 2008: Brian just called to tell me he was laid off today. How about those miracles, God? You think THIS is going to help? Now what do you want from us?
November 6, 2009: Brian spent an hour this morning at a prayer group at church (that wouldn't have happened a year ago). In his prayer he said, "I guess this call to adopt is not going to go away. I have tried to ignore it for a long time and I'm tired of sitting on the fence and being afraid. If this is what You want for us, You're going to have to work some serious miracles. We have NOTHING under control and we have NO plan now, so bring it on."
...meanwhile, on the other side of the planet....a woman was walking away from an orphanage where she had just left her two children. Through her tears her prayer was, "keep them safe, Lord, take care of them." The children were consumed with grief and fear. They were told to smile for the camera as they took their intake photo. The date stamp on the photo says November 6, 2009.
November 6, 2010: My four kids are asleep in their sleeping bags in the basement because they all would prefer to be together rather than apart at any given moment. I am up very early because apparently I am supposed to write this blog post (when I wake up at 4:50am with all this stuff in my head, I've learned that it is because someone needs to read it). I look at my life, I look at their lives, and I am overwhelmed at what God can do when we pray, when we wait, when we trust.
Today is our family's first annual celebration of what I guess we're going to call Faith Day. For us, it is a celebration of all the ways God has taken care of us, especially when it seemed like things were going really, really wrong. I need those reminders when I am exhausted and overwhelmed (a lot of the time!). It's also a day to be reminded how important it is to ACT in faith. So many things get in the way of us acting on our faith: our comfortable American life, our bank accounts, our age... the list is long and personal. But my crazy family is living proof that God is only limited by our lack of courage to let go of our fears and act.
Happy Faith Day, everybody!
November 6, 1998: I have had two miscarriages and now I'm not getting pregnant again. I am so full of grief, fear, and longing that I feel broken inside and I'm not sure I'll ever be happy again.
November 6, 1999: Another miscarriage, more doctors, a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis. Now I'm pregnant again and too scared to be happy. But I'm farther along than before and I continue to pray. If it doesn't work out this time, we are looking into international adoption next. Knowing that we will have a family one way or another gives me peace.
November 6, 2000: Perfect baby Thomas was born in March. After a rocky start, he's doing great and we are finally the family I have been praying for.
November 6, 2001: Everything is going great in our lives.... maybe we should be thinking about baby #2. Am I ready for all the doctors? For feeling terrible when I go off my arthritis meds? We'll give it a shot, but nothing heroic. If it doesn't work out, there are millions of children in this world who need a family. If I've learned anything, it's that God has a plan for us.
November 6, 2002: I'm pregnant and expecting a miscarriage any day. I refuse to get my hopes up...but...the early ultrasounds look good, the hormone levels continue to rise (did I mention how much I LOVE bloodwork and doctors?) and I'm puking daily. God, give me the strength to endure whatever you have in store for me.
November 6, 2003: Meredith arrived in June and NOW we are finally the family I have been praying for. It's a lot of work, though. I'm working days and Brian's working nights and we hand off each afternoon.
November 6, 2004: We've got it all under control. Lots of work, but it's all good.
November 6, 2005: Thomas is in school, Brian's back to days. We're making plenty of money, kids are getting easier. How perfect is this life? Thank you God for all our many blessings.
November 6, 2006: Yeah, I'm sure I'm crazy , but there's just this tiny little thing... I'm wondering if maybe our family is not quite done. Seems a little bit like someone is missing. But I just can't deal with all the fertility stuff again. And I'm really over the whole baby scene. Hmmmm.....
November 6, 2007: I'm pretty sure two kids are missing from our family. I'm also pretty sure Brian is going to kill me. I just can't get it out of my head. Somebody needs us. It makes no sense at all. Why would we mess up our perfect family? If this is what God wants for our family, he's going to have to work some serious miracles.
November 6, 2008: Brian just called to tell me he was laid off today. How about those miracles, God? You think THIS is going to help? Now what do you want from us?
November 6, 2009: Brian spent an hour this morning at a prayer group at church (that wouldn't have happened a year ago). In his prayer he said, "I guess this call to adopt is not going to go away. I have tried to ignore it for a long time and I'm tired of sitting on the fence and being afraid. If this is what You want for us, You're going to have to work some serious miracles. We have NOTHING under control and we have NO plan now, so bring it on."
...meanwhile, on the other side of the planet....a woman was walking away from an orphanage where she had just left her two children. Through her tears her prayer was, "keep them safe, Lord, take care of them." The children were consumed with grief and fear. They were told to smile for the camera as they took their intake photo. The date stamp on the photo says November 6, 2009.
November 6, 2010: My four kids are asleep in their sleeping bags in the basement because they all would prefer to be together rather than apart at any given moment. I am up very early because apparently I am supposed to write this blog post (when I wake up at 4:50am with all this stuff in my head, I've learned that it is because someone needs to read it). I look at my life, I look at their lives, and I am overwhelmed at what God can do when we pray, when we wait, when we trust.
Today is our family's first annual celebration of what I guess we're going to call Faith Day. For us, it is a celebration of all the ways God has taken care of us, especially when it seemed like things were going really, really wrong. I need those reminders when I am exhausted and overwhelmed (a lot of the time!). It's also a day to be reminded how important it is to ACT in faith. So many things get in the way of us acting on our faith: our comfortable American life, our bank accounts, our age... the list is long and personal. But my crazy family is living proof that God is only limited by our lack of courage to let go of our fears and act.
Happy Faith Day, everybody!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Solomonisms
"Mom, mom,mom,mom,mom....can I off my pants?"
"These things (mittens) is hot my fingers! They can't go out!"
"I have BEEEG (big) problem on the bus today. Joanna say she is love me! I no love her, but I no want to hurt her feelings. What if she is kiss me? Deeshgusting!"
"Mom, I have another beeeeeg problem on the bus. This girl, I no know her name, it is something start with V and her face is like China. She say to me "are you gonna sit here?" and I say yes and she yell at me "NO, YOU IS NOT SITTING BY ME!" and I get VERY angry and yell at her "YES, I IS SIT HERE, BUS DRIVER SAY" and she say "Bus Driver, Solomon is yelling at me!" and I very angry and little bit scared."
Mom, it is very cold today.
Yes, but it's going to get colder.
Will it go to 5?
Yes, someday. That's really cold.
When it is 5 will I have to wear my mittens in my classroom?
No, it's warm inside.
But how it stay warm inside? 5 is VERRRRRRY cold!
Mom, can I wear my elevator pjs?
Your elevator pjs?
Yeah, you know with the guy?
What guy?
The guy, elevator, on Star Wars?
You mean Darth Vader??????????????
Yeah, Darth Vader. Can I wear those pjs? Can I off my pants?
"These things (mittens) is hot my fingers! They can't go out!"
"I have BEEEG (big) problem on the bus today. Joanna say she is love me! I no love her, but I no want to hurt her feelings. What if she is kiss me? Deeshgusting!"
"Mom, I have another beeeeeg problem on the bus. This girl, I no know her name, it is something start with V and her face is like China. She say to me "are you gonna sit here?" and I say yes and she yell at me "NO, YOU IS NOT SITTING BY ME!" and I get VERY angry and yell at her "YES, I IS SIT HERE, BUS DRIVER SAY" and she say "Bus Driver, Solomon is yelling at me!" and I very angry and little bit scared."
Mom, it is very cold today.
Yes, but it's going to get colder.
Will it go to 5?
Yes, someday. That's really cold.
When it is 5 will I have to wear my mittens in my classroom?
No, it's warm inside.
But how it stay warm inside? 5 is VERRRRRRY cold!
Mom, can I wear my elevator pjs?
Your elevator pjs?
Yeah, you know with the guy?
What guy?
The guy, elevator, on Star Wars?
You mean Darth Vader??????????????
Yeah, Darth Vader. Can I wear those pjs? Can I off my pants?
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A Day In The Life Of the Most Exhausted Woman In The World
5:50am Wake up to NPR, unfortunately it's Fall Fundraising Pledge Drive, hit snooze
6:02am Brian comes up with my coffee, every joint is stiff and sore, rheumatoid arthritis sucks and mine is in a major flare that my meds are not handling, dr. appointment 9 days away. Drag my defective body out of bed anyway and get in the shower.
6:20am Kids are up, everyone needs mom to find them something or do their hair or answer random questions about why it's still dark outside, why it's cold, how cold it is, when will it snow, and can we please have eggs for breakfast. Answer all questions while doing my hair and makeup.
6:50am Brian vetoed eggs, but got everyone cereal. Minimal arguing and whining.
7:00am Brian leaves early for a meeting with a client.
7:05am Kids brush teeth, get eye drops and allergy meds, shoes on, coats on, backpacks, lunches, snacks, out the door, in the car. Meredith forgot something(s), go back, hunt around, minor yelling, return to car. Phone is dying, grab the charger, my lunch, my coat, my bag, my keys, driving away.
7:15am Drop off Solomon, Meredith, Tinsaye at latchkey at school.
7:25am Drop Thomas off at a friend's house to be driven in later for WLE news crew.
7:45am Department meeting at school
8:17am Meeting ends, kids in the building
8:27am MEAP testing at school, schedule is completely jacked, running around for 2 hours facilitating/problem solving/sorting test documents, whatever needs doing
10:40am shortened classes, kids are nuts from over testing and being forced to sit still and be silent for two hours.
3:09pm kids leave. Debrief w/ student teacher, answer emails, return phone calls, install software (unsuccessfully), copy and email some midi files for a colleague, sort cheesecake fundraiser orders, count money, plan tomorrow, freak out about how close the concert is getting and how crappy my choirs sound right now
3:59pm walk out the door, drive away, turn off NPR due to annoying Fall Fundraiser (again!)
4:15pm arrive at home, get mail, dump my stuff, turn on the computer
4:20pm kids come in from the bus. Solomon is happy, shows me his latest green note (good behavior), Thomas is angry about some rotten kids on the bus, Tinsaye is crying and Meredith is kind of teary too and they both go up to their room. Emotional triage: I ignore the girls temporarily. Solomon gets a hug and snack and I get him started on his homework packet. Then Thomas gets my full attention while he explains the bus situation. We troubleshoot, I reassure, check his backpack for homework (none) and he's out the door to play football with friends. Then I go to the girls room and assess the damage: Mere got hit in the face with some kid's backpack on the bus. She's fine and is now playing with her stuffed animals. Tinsaye was still stewing about some ridiculous non-event that happened about an hour and a half ago that she figured she could milk for some drama to get more of my attention. Unfortunately since I put her last on the triage list, she couldn't quite even remember what she was pretending to be upset about, so it lost a lot of it's dramatic impact. I reassure her that everything is fine and tell her to deal with it and go do her homework. She is fine and happily complies.
5:05pm I sit down with Meredith to help her with reading. We finish her book and I check Tinsaye and Solomon's homework.
5:15pm I call Brian to tell him we have to go out for dinner since I am too tired to cook anything and nothing magically appeared in the crockpot tonight.
5:20pm Go through mail and emails, pick up the breakfast dishes left in the kitchen from our early departure.
5:45pm Pile in the car to meet Brian for dinner at a nearby coney island.
7pm Home from dinner, supervise showers, pack up backpacks for tomorrow. Brian goes to the basement to work on a Riveting Media project that is due to the client tomorrow.
7:30pm Kids help me pack lunches. Part way through Solomon does something to annoy Thomas and Thomas flips out. He's clearly really stressed about some things, so I stop making lunches and take him up to his room to let him vent. He's got a list a mile long of stuff that's been bothering him at school and at home. We troubleshoot, I reassure him, he feels better. Meanwhile, Brian is getting the other kids finished with lunches and snacks.
8:15pm Teeth brushing, bathroom, eye drops, prayers, clothes laid out for the morning, more random questions.
8:40pm Lights out for the kids. I go back to finish making sandwiches and pick up the house.
8:55pm I realize that Meredith never did her homework!
8:56pm Send an email to Thomas's teacher alerting her to his meltdown and stress level.
9:15pm Start typing this blog post to vent and document my day. I am certain that there will come a day, many, many years in the future, when I will not be working this hard and will find it difficult to even imagine that I ever did this much in a day. Realize that this was actually a relatively easy day since I didn't make dinner, one kid didn't have homework and one kid neglected her homework, no one had to be anywhere in the evening, there were no doctors to call or see, no emergency calls midday from WLE telling me that someone was sick/injured, no family or friends in crisis, and we didn't run out of milk, bread, bananas, or avocados.
9:55pm going up to bed... starting all over in 8 hours.
6:02am Brian comes up with my coffee, every joint is stiff and sore, rheumatoid arthritis sucks and mine is in a major flare that my meds are not handling, dr. appointment 9 days away. Drag my defective body out of bed anyway and get in the shower.
6:20am Kids are up, everyone needs mom to find them something or do their hair or answer random questions about why it's still dark outside, why it's cold, how cold it is, when will it snow, and can we please have eggs for breakfast. Answer all questions while doing my hair and makeup.
6:50am Brian vetoed eggs, but got everyone cereal. Minimal arguing and whining.
7:00am Brian leaves early for a meeting with a client.
7:05am Kids brush teeth, get eye drops and allergy meds, shoes on, coats on, backpacks, lunches, snacks, out the door, in the car. Meredith forgot something(s), go back, hunt around, minor yelling, return to car. Phone is dying, grab the charger, my lunch, my coat, my bag, my keys, driving away.
7:15am Drop off Solomon, Meredith, Tinsaye at latchkey at school.
7:25am Drop Thomas off at a friend's house to be driven in later for WLE news crew.
7:45am Department meeting at school
8:17am Meeting ends, kids in the building
8:27am MEAP testing at school, schedule is completely jacked, running around for 2 hours facilitating/problem solving/sorting test documents, whatever needs doing
10:40am shortened classes, kids are nuts from over testing and being forced to sit still and be silent for two hours.
3:09pm kids leave. Debrief w/ student teacher, answer emails, return phone calls, install software (unsuccessfully), copy and email some midi files for a colleague, sort cheesecake fundraiser orders, count money, plan tomorrow, freak out about how close the concert is getting and how crappy my choirs sound right now
3:59pm walk out the door, drive away, turn off NPR due to annoying Fall Fundraiser (again!)
4:15pm arrive at home, get mail, dump my stuff, turn on the computer
4:20pm kids come in from the bus. Solomon is happy, shows me his latest green note (good behavior), Thomas is angry about some rotten kids on the bus, Tinsaye is crying and Meredith is kind of teary too and they both go up to their room. Emotional triage: I ignore the girls temporarily. Solomon gets a hug and snack and I get him started on his homework packet. Then Thomas gets my full attention while he explains the bus situation. We troubleshoot, I reassure, check his backpack for homework (none) and he's out the door to play football with friends. Then I go to the girls room and assess the damage: Mere got hit in the face with some kid's backpack on the bus. She's fine and is now playing with her stuffed animals. Tinsaye was still stewing about some ridiculous non-event that happened about an hour and a half ago that she figured she could milk for some drama to get more of my attention. Unfortunately since I put her last on the triage list, she couldn't quite even remember what she was pretending to be upset about, so it lost a lot of it's dramatic impact. I reassure her that everything is fine and tell her to deal with it and go do her homework. She is fine and happily complies.
5:05pm I sit down with Meredith to help her with reading. We finish her book and I check Tinsaye and Solomon's homework.
5:15pm I call Brian to tell him we have to go out for dinner since I am too tired to cook anything and nothing magically appeared in the crockpot tonight.
5:20pm Go through mail and emails, pick up the breakfast dishes left in the kitchen from our early departure.
5:45pm Pile in the car to meet Brian for dinner at a nearby coney island.
7pm Home from dinner, supervise showers, pack up backpacks for tomorrow. Brian goes to the basement to work on a Riveting Media project that is due to the client tomorrow.
7:30pm Kids help me pack lunches. Part way through Solomon does something to annoy Thomas and Thomas flips out. He's clearly really stressed about some things, so I stop making lunches and take him up to his room to let him vent. He's got a list a mile long of stuff that's been bothering him at school and at home. We troubleshoot, I reassure him, he feels better. Meanwhile, Brian is getting the other kids finished with lunches and snacks.
8:15pm Teeth brushing, bathroom, eye drops, prayers, clothes laid out for the morning, more random questions.
8:40pm Lights out for the kids. I go back to finish making sandwiches and pick up the house.
8:55pm I realize that Meredith never did her homework!
8:56pm Send an email to Thomas's teacher alerting her to his meltdown and stress level.
9:15pm Start typing this blog post to vent and document my day. I am certain that there will come a day, many, many years in the future, when I will not be working this hard and will find it difficult to even imagine that I ever did this much in a day. Realize that this was actually a relatively easy day since I didn't make dinner, one kid didn't have homework and one kid neglected her homework, no one had to be anywhere in the evening, there were no doctors to call or see, no emergency calls midday from WLE telling me that someone was sick/injured, no family or friends in crisis, and we didn't run out of milk, bread, bananas, or avocados.
9:55pm going up to bed... starting all over in 8 hours.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Starting School
First day of school was September 7 and it couldn't get here soon enough for me! I'd been crawling the walls to spend more time with adults and people who value my input (as opposed to my children who believe I am the Fun Governor / Cook/ Maid). Thomas, Meredith, and Solomon were also completely jazzed about starting a new year, but Tinsaye was pretty nervous. She said to me the night before, "Mom, me is small scared of the children. Not boys; boys is good, they is always playing. Me is scared of girles [she pronounces it with two syllables]. Girles is sometimes mean and is hurt me feelings." Poor kid, she's totally right. I guess there are mean girls in every culture. We talked about all the kids she already knew, and that Meredith will be with her at lunch and at recess, and we even practiced how to stand up to a mean kid and what to say if someone hurts your feelings. (It was something nice like, "Stop talking to me that way, you're hurting my feelings." instead of Thomas's helpful suggestion of "shut up or my big brother Thomas will put you in a hammerlock"). She felt better and slept okay the night before.
Here's our annual "first day of school" photos:
Thomas started fifth grade, Tinsaye and Meredith are in second grade, and Solomon is in first grade. This is the only year they will ever be all in the same building. I'm really grateful for ONE bus schedule, conference schedule, lunch menu, and office attendance number, but I now I get FOUR copies of every PTA flyer, fundraiser form, activity reminder, weekly newsletter, and lice/chickenpox/flu alert. The mountain of paperwork coming in my door every night is astonishing.
Thomas is pretty happy to be the "top dog" in school. His fifth grade class is really small, only about 65 kids, but they have three teachers. He has Mrs. Rohde for homeroom, reading/writing, and math and he goes to Mrs. Athan for Science and Mr. Reed (his first male teacher) for Social Studies. Switching classes is a big deal. He has matured so much I can hardly believe this is the same kid that was once a chubby little kindergartener. He is not playing football this fall because we decided that tackle required an absurd amount of time from a 10 year old boy. He actually agreed with us, although virtually all of his friends are playing tackle. He said, "I don't want too much going on while I'm worrying about school and if Tinsaye and Solomon are doing okay." Therein lies Thomas's greatest challenge: not stressing about being perfect at school, and being a brother not a third parent. He will be playing basketball very soon, and he is on the school news crew and he's a bus safety, so that keeps him pretty occupied.
Solomon loves school like no child I've ever known. I mean he LOVES it, every thing from the pencil sharpener to the play structure to the bulletin boards to the lunch room and his precious Star Wars lunchbox. He is up and dressed and with his backpack and lunchbox ready to go about 12 minutes after I wake him up in the morning because he can not WAIT to see what amazing things he will discover today. He worships his teacher, Miss Johnson. She has very long red hair and he is halfway in love with her, and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. He has already brought home three "green notes" which are daily awards for being terrific. His only fear is the looming specter of the dreaded "pink note" which is for negative behavior. He gave me a stunningly dramatic re-enactment of some poor kid named Shruti interrupting Miss Johnson three times and getting a pink note. He was shocked, SHOCKED that anyone would ever do anything to displease Miss Johnson. So far he has discovered the following: dot-to-dots ("Mom, see! You draw pencil on numbers and MAGIC picture is there!"), criss-cross-applesauce ("Miss Johnson, why you legs is applesauce?"), the importance of knowing your bus route number ("We is one-five-five, I remember number and I look for Tinsaye too"), and why you don't pull your pants down at the urinal ("Is dee-shgus-ting! I go in bathroom and this boy is his bottom is all out and he say 'you no look at me butt!' and say 'sorry' but I laughing too!"). Like many 6 year old boys, he is fascinated by dinosaurs and astronauts, but for Solomon it is because he never knew either existed before now. Giant bones? In the ground? Where dinosaurs go? You fly so high it is black? You float in the air? HOW??? Solomon reminds me how vast and miraculous is the universe. He is so tired at the end of the day he has fallen asleep while getting his eye drops. He says, "I'm sorry mom, me sleep is come" and that's it. Gone. Wow, I love this kid.
Meredith has Ms. Hayes for second grade and she is totally laid back, happy, and peaceful about school so far. She always thinks she's doing fine and has lots of friends, no problems. However, after only nine days of school, she has already forgotten her lunchbox one day and her picture money another day. Thomas caught her getting on the wrong bus too, but she claims she was "tricking him" because he's a bus safety and she wanted to see if he was doing a good job! When everyone piles in the house after school, the other three yell their stories over each other and fight for my attention, but Meredith just comes in, dumps her stuff and starts fixing a snack or watching TV. I have to pry information out of her and it's not easy because the other three don't even wait for her to respond before they interrupt to tell their stuff. She's really happy, though, and I just have to find time to be alone with her to really find out about her day.
Tinsaye discovered that "the children in America is SO NICE, they is all me friends, no one is hurting me feelings". On the first morning she tried really hard to convince her dad to just drive her in the car behind the school bus because she was scared and he told her to forget it. Again, I'm reminded why God chose us to be her parents... in the hands of gentler people she'd be a huge princess, but in our family it's always "quit whining and get on the bus". Her teacher is Mrs. Tarchalski, and the comedy factor alone of hearing her try to pronounce Tarchalski is awesome. But in addition, Mrs. Tarchalski is a terrific teacher who is also Tinsaye's lifeline/personal saint. In contrast to Meredith, Tinsaye loves to recount every minute of the entire school day, how she was feeling, who said what, what they did next, what games she played on recess and who she played with, in minute and excruciating detail. I just listen and listen and remind myself how hard it must have been for this little girl to have had no mom to tell all her stuff to at the orphanage. The other special thing about Tinsaye is that she has Jesus on speed-dial 24-7. She's a deeply spiritual kid and genuinely pops in and out of prayer all the time. As in "Mom, the children is all going to the door and me is not sure what to do and me think 'Jesus help me, what to do?' and He say 'ask you friend and she is help you'". And "I is open me lunchbox and see me sandwich with so much avocado and I say 'thank you Jesus for me mom'". I'm learning a lot from Tinsaye, and I often think "Thank you Jesus, for me Tinsaye."
So now you know why it's taken me two weeks to get this blog updated. Instead of blogging I'm making avocado sandwiches, explaining archaology, listening to stories, solving problems, filling out forms, filling out the same forms again for Meredith since she lost hers the first time, and finding Youtube videos of astronauts. And praying. I'm doing lots and lots of praying. And although most of my prayers are for patience, peace, strength, and wisdom, I am also overflowing with gratitude and awe.
Here's our annual "first day of school" photos:
So now you know why it's taken me two weeks to get this blog updated. Instead of blogging I'm making avocado sandwiches, explaining archaology, listening to stories, solving problems, filling out forms, filling out the same forms again for Meredith since she lost hers the first time, and finding Youtube videos of astronauts. And praying. I'm doing lots and lots of praying. And although most of my prayers are for patience, peace, strength, and wisdom, I am also overflowing with gratitude and awe.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)