November 6-- Faith Day

November 6, 1997:  I have a new job, we are in a new house, our world is great.  Now we're ready to have a baby!  Everything is going along just perfectly according to plan. 

November 6, 1998:  I have had two miscarriages and now I'm not getting pregnant again.  I am so full of grief, fear, and longing that I feel broken inside and I'm not sure I'll ever be happy again. 

November 6, 1999:  Another miscarriage, more doctors, a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis.  Now I'm pregnant again and too scared to be happy.  But I'm farther along than before and I continue to pray.  If it doesn't work out this time, we are looking into international adoption next.  Knowing that we will have a family one way or another gives me peace.

November 6, 2000:  Perfect baby Thomas was born in March.  After a rocky start, he's doing great and we are finally the family I have been praying for.

November 6, 2001:  Everything is going great in our lives.... maybe we should be thinking about baby #2.  Am I ready for all the doctors?  For feeling terrible when I go off my arthritis meds?  We'll give it a shot, but nothing heroic.  If it doesn't work out, there are millions of children in this world who need a family.  If I've learned anything, it's that God has a plan for us.

November 6, 2002:  I'm pregnant and expecting a miscarriage any day.  I refuse to get my hopes up...but...the early ultrasounds look good, the hormone levels continue to rise (did I mention how much I LOVE bloodwork and doctors?) and I'm puking daily.  God, give me the strength to endure whatever you have in store for me.

November 6, 2003:  Meredith arrived in June and NOW we are finally the family I have been praying for.  It's a lot of work, though.  I'm working days and Brian's working nights and we hand off each afternoon.

November 6, 2004:  We've got it all under control.  Lots of work, but it's all good.

November 6, 2005:  Thomas is in school, Brian's back to days.  We're making plenty of money, kids are getting easier.  How perfect is this life?  Thank you God for all our many blessings.

November 6, 2006:  Yeah, I'm sure I'm crazy , but there's just this tiny little thing... I'm wondering if maybe our family is not quite done.  Seems a little bit like someone is missing.  But I just can't deal with all the fertility stuff again.  And I'm really over the whole baby scene.  Hmmmm.....

November 6, 2007:  I'm pretty sure two kids are missing from our family.  I'm also pretty sure Brian is going to kill me.  I just can't get it out of my head.  Somebody needs us.  It makes no sense at all.  Why would we mess up our perfect family?  If this is what God wants for our family, he's going to have to work some serious miracles. 

November 6, 2008:  Brian just called to tell me he was laid off today.  How about those miracles, God?  You think THIS is going to help?  Now what do you want from us?     

November 6, 2009:  Brian spent an hour this morning at a prayer group at church (that wouldn't have happened a year ago).  In his prayer he said, "I guess this call to adopt is not going to go away.  I have tried to ignore it for a long time and I'm tired of sitting on the fence and being afraid.  If this is what You want for us, You're going to have to work some serious miracles.  We have NOTHING under control and we have NO plan now, so bring it on."

...meanwhile, on the other side of the planet....a woman was walking away from an orphanage where she had just left her two children.  Through her tears her prayer was, "keep them safe, Lord, take care of them."  The children were consumed with grief and fear.  They were told to smile for the camera as they took their intake photo.  The date stamp on the photo says November 6, 2009. 

November 6, 2010:  My four kids are asleep in their sleeping bags in the basement because they all would prefer to be together rather than apart at any given moment.  I am up very early because apparently I am supposed to write this blog post (when I wake up at 4:50am with all this stuff in my head, I've learned that it is because someone needs to read it).  I look at my life, I look at their lives, and I am overwhelmed at what God can do when we pray, when we wait, when we trust.

Today is our family's first annual celebration of what I guess we're going to call Faith Day.  For us, it is a celebration of all the ways God has taken care of us, especially when it seemed like things were going really, really wrong.  I need those reminders when I am exhausted and overwhelmed (a lot of the time!).  It's also a day to be reminded how important it is to ACT in faith.  So many things get in the way of us acting on our faith:  our comfortable American life, our bank accounts, our age... the list is long and personal.  But my crazy family is living proof that God is only limited by our lack of courage to let go of our fears and act. 

Happy Faith Day, everybody!