I am glad to see 2010 come to a close, only because I don't think we could cram anything else into this year. I'm not going to rehash everything because it's all on the blog here somewhere. I'm really glad to have the record of our amazing year because many things seem like a blur only a few months out, so I know I'll forget so much as the years go on.
Yesterday we took the kids rollerskating. We went last week too and Tinsaye and Solomon picked it up immediately (one more new American thing they've mastered). Yesterday as the kids were skating around like maniacs and Brian and I were sitting on a bench like a couple of old fogeys, we had kind of a simultaneous premonition of our life in years to come. The kids were doing their own thing, totally independent of us, solving their own problems and having adventures without us, while we happily rest and watch them with pride as they soar off on their own. For now we only get glimpses of that life, and then it's back to our current reality ("mom, my skate came undone, I lost my quarter, can we get a pretzel?). We are trying hard to remember to appreciate these years and be grateful for all the blessings along the journey.
Speaking of blessings along the journey.... Brian and his dad have been working on installing a new garage door opener (our died last week) for the past 5 hours and 20 minutes. They ran into some major problems followed by minor problems followed by interruptions which are now causing them to miss Notre Dame's bowl game. Brian just passed by on his way to get another tool and said, "Did I ever tell you how much fun it is to be the dad?" to which I replied, "Almost as much fun as it is to be the mom!" I spent my day vacuuming petrified french fries out of the minivan, buying $180 worth of groceries and then putting them all away, applying an ice pack to a suspected concussion, and feeding four Baert kids, one neighbor kid, two angry men, and myself. Although I have a strong suspicion our lives will be on this track for a while now, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Snow Day Musings
"If you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:10-11
A friend sent me this scripture to encourage me when I was whining to her about how hard the day-to-day stuff is for me (she was in Ethiopia with us bringing home 2 girls to join her 2 boys, so she is totally living my life). The imagery seems a little off right now, especially when there's 8 inches of snow on the ground with sub-zero windchills, but I have really needed some frame strengthening (and a snow day really helps!)
The new kids have really struggled with the Christmas season. They were feeling pretty comfortable in America when suddenly, the day after Thanksgiving, everything changed. Decorations and lights were everywhere, the music on the radio changed to Christmas tunes that everyone else except them knew, people kept talking about traditions and events that were totally unfamiliar to them and expecting them to be excited. Everything was suddenly scary and new again. And even in the most secular observances of the holiday, the focus is on family... a topic which stirs up all the trauma of the loss of their first family. They both started having dreams of Ethiopia, having trouble sleeping, and acting out. Tinsaye especially has been processing a lot of grief. After being sassy and disrespectful to me, mean to Solomon, and getting sent to her room, where she cried and cried, she said to me, "Mom, I don't know what's happening to me. I am never a bad girl in Ethiopia and now in America I am so bad." She is just really having a hard time with all of it.
The good news is they are through the worst of it and feeling more peaceful and comfortable now. We have spent most of our time at home. We have said no to almost every invitation anywhere, we opted out of some activities we usually do, we watched Ethiopian religious music videos while we decorated the Christmas tree, we have spent lots of time on the couch under lots of blankets eating popcorn and watching Christmas movies so they can absorb American Christmas culture in a safe place and ask all their crazy questions ("Mom, what is mistletoe? Who is Frosty the Snowman? Why there is song about him? Is he with Jesus? What is reindeer? Why they not having snow deer, it's snowing at Christmas? All we have to do is write on list and Santa brings it ALL????). We try to downplay Santa, but they think he's just like all the other magical things in America: fresh water, free education, paved roads, automatic doors, ATMs, and Santa. He's no more astonishing than those other things. And I'm hoping they're clear on the fact that, NO, he doesn't bring it ALL.
So at the end of the day, when I have answered 12 billion questions (many for the third time), wiped endless tears, broken up multiple fights, and hugged everyone over and over, I am spent. I was telling this all to my hairdresser and she got all teary and said, "Joan, I don't know how you do it. I get all emotional just hearing you talk about it and you have to do it everyday." And I realized that God continues to do what He promised... I am a 'spring whose waters never fail' because He gives me the patience to sit on the floor and hold a sobbing Ethiopian for 20 minutes. There's no way I'm doing that on my own. And He is absolutely 'guiding me always' because somehow I find the words to comfort and reassure when I am always terrified I'll blow up in anger and frustration. And my 'frame' is definitely 'strengthened' when I have the energy to make lunches, email teachers, fix ripped snowpants, and wrap gifts after dealing with a full day of work followed by four more hours of traumatized children.
Now, do I get it right all the time? Definitely not. In fact, I just had to stop writing this blog post to find the TV remote for Solomon and Thomas's boots and just caught myself yelling (and I quote), "I am going to KILL the next person who expects me to find something that he left in some stupid place and that includes you, Brian, because your idiotic hat is exactly where you left it when you came in!!!!" I'm not Super Mom. But I guess I am Supernatural Mom, because God is faithful and He supplies what we need. Including a snow day, because I really needed that today and TA-DA, here it is! On behalf of myself, my kids, and all the children and teachers in Southeast Michigan, thank you Lord for a blessed snow day!
A friend sent me this scripture to encourage me when I was whining to her about how hard the day-to-day stuff is for me (she was in Ethiopia with us bringing home 2 girls to join her 2 boys, so she is totally living my life). The imagery seems a little off right now, especially when there's 8 inches of snow on the ground with sub-zero windchills, but I have really needed some frame strengthening (and a snow day really helps!)
The new kids have really struggled with the Christmas season. They were feeling pretty comfortable in America when suddenly, the day after Thanksgiving, everything changed. Decorations and lights were everywhere, the music on the radio changed to Christmas tunes that everyone else except them knew, people kept talking about traditions and events that were totally unfamiliar to them and expecting them to be excited. Everything was suddenly scary and new again. And even in the most secular observances of the holiday, the focus is on family... a topic which stirs up all the trauma of the loss of their first family. They both started having dreams of Ethiopia, having trouble sleeping, and acting out. Tinsaye especially has been processing a lot of grief. After being sassy and disrespectful to me, mean to Solomon, and getting sent to her room, where she cried and cried, she said to me, "Mom, I don't know what's happening to me. I am never a bad girl in Ethiopia and now in America I am so bad." She is just really having a hard time with all of it.
The good news is they are through the worst of it and feeling more peaceful and comfortable now. We have spent most of our time at home. We have said no to almost every invitation anywhere, we opted out of some activities we usually do, we watched Ethiopian religious music videos while we decorated the Christmas tree, we have spent lots of time on the couch under lots of blankets eating popcorn and watching Christmas movies so they can absorb American Christmas culture in a safe place and ask all their crazy questions ("Mom, what is mistletoe? Who is Frosty the Snowman? Why there is song about him? Is he with Jesus? What is reindeer? Why they not having snow deer, it's snowing at Christmas? All we have to do is write on list and Santa brings it ALL????). We try to downplay Santa, but they think he's just like all the other magical things in America: fresh water, free education, paved roads, automatic doors, ATMs, and Santa. He's no more astonishing than those other things. And I'm hoping they're clear on the fact that, NO, he doesn't bring it ALL.
So at the end of the day, when I have answered 12 billion questions (many for the third time), wiped endless tears, broken up multiple fights, and hugged everyone over and over, I am spent. I was telling this all to my hairdresser and she got all teary and said, "Joan, I don't know how you do it. I get all emotional just hearing you talk about it and you have to do it everyday." And I realized that God continues to do what He promised... I am a 'spring whose waters never fail' because He gives me the patience to sit on the floor and hold a sobbing Ethiopian for 20 minutes. There's no way I'm doing that on my own. And He is absolutely 'guiding me always' because somehow I find the words to comfort and reassure when I am always terrified I'll blow up in anger and frustration. And my 'frame' is definitely 'strengthened' when I have the energy to make lunches, email teachers, fix ripped snowpants, and wrap gifts after dealing with a full day of work followed by four more hours of traumatized children.
Now, do I get it right all the time? Definitely not. In fact, I just had to stop writing this blog post to find the TV remote for Solomon and Thomas's boots and just caught myself yelling (and I quote), "I am going to KILL the next person who expects me to find something that he left in some stupid place and that includes you, Brian, because your idiotic hat is exactly where you left it when you came in!!!!" I'm not Super Mom. But I guess I am Supernatural Mom, because God is faithful and He supplies what we need. Including a snow day, because I really needed that today and TA-DA, here it is! On behalf of myself, my kids, and all the children and teachers in Southeast Michigan, thank you Lord for a blessed snow day!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thanksgiving Update
People keep telling me "I wish you could post on your blog more often, but I know you're busy." I'm right there with you! But since it's Thanksgiving and I have more things to be thankful for than I can even count, I figured I'd squeeze in a quick update.
Thomas spent three days at Fifth Grade Camp earlier this month. It was a terrific time, mostly hands-on science curriculum and it was right up his alley. He came home feeling even cooler than he was before (as if that's possible). It was funny how much Mere, Tinsaye, and Solomon missed him. They kept saying, "I wonder what Thomas is doing now?" and when I told them that they should get used to it because someday he was going to college without them, Tinsaye started crying. She pretty much can't deal with any more family changes right now.
Speaking of Tinsaye, we've been pretty overwhelmed with a big issue for her: her age. Her birth certificate issued by the Ethiopian government said her birthdate was 7/2/2002. The longer she was here, the more convinced we were that she was older than 8. She knows she's older than 8 too, but Ethiopian calendar and tradition of counting birthdays differently made it really hard for us to determine the correct age. Plus she's doing really well in school (2nd grade) and we don't want to change her grade right now. So after a bone scan, a consultation with an international adoption specialist doctor, our pediatrician, a family therapist, and her teachers, we are officially changing her birthdate to 7/2/2001, making her 9 1/2. She seems happy with this and at peace (which is a big relief since she we have had lots of emotional drama surrounding this issue). Thomas is VERY relieved to still be the oldest. We may move her up a grade at some point, but this year she is staying put. We applied for her Michigan birth certificate with the age change and we'll have to go to a hearing in Oakland County court to present the medical reasons, but after we have a new MI birth certificate, we can get federal documentation and be done with it forever.
I keep forgetting to update you all about the kids' medical issues. We've spent a lot of time this fall dealing with doctors, even beyond all the stuff dealing with Tinsaye's age. We saw a geneticist who confirmed that they both have Axenfeld-Riegers Syndrome. We also had full cardiology exams for both kids since the genetic anomaly can lead to cardiac malformation too. They were both completely normal and healthy! We are supposed to see an audiologist also to rule out any ear malformations, but I feel confident that they hear just fine, so we've put that off for now. Both Solomon and Tinsaye's eye pressures continue to improve and Tinsaye's vision has actually improved somewhat (from astonishingly bad to just remarkably bad!). Solomon goes back for a recheck with the ophthalmologist next Friday and if pressures are still good, we will plan a surgery to fix the strabismus (wandering eye). He doesn't know about the surgery, I think he'll be really scared. We'll just deal with it as it comes. Both kids' teeth are a disaster. Many adult teeth never formed in utero, so they will just have to have bridges or implants or something, but they are too young to do anything about it now, so they just look crazy. Solomon actually got his two adult bottom teeth, but never lost his baby ones... the adult teeth just came in behind the babies, so he's a total Shark Boy right now. He cried and cried because the Tooth Fairy never came for him! We are all caught up on their immunizations for now, so that is one less thing to deal with.
All the kids are playing community ed basketball right now and having fun with that. Beyond that, school and church keep us unbelievably busy. The girls are preparing for First Communion in the spring, so they just had their First Reconciliation. Meredith was very worried because she could not think of any sins she needed to confess and if she made any up, she'd be lying, which would be a sin that she needed to confess! Quite a quandary. She eventually decided to own up to "ignoring her dad" and "hitting her brother" and she felt really good about her confession. Tinsaye made a list of about 10 ordinary sins like "fighting with my brother", but then in the heat of the confessional, she told me she panicked and admitted to "pantsing my brother in the front yard, but it was on accident and I said I was sorry ten times, but he no listen to me, he is so angry". It must be hilarious for the priest to hear first confessions! Thomas went to the training to be an altar server. It seemed like a good idea, since we often serve as host family and Thomas helps on the altar frequently. However, when we realized that he was going to have to carry a giant lit candle up the entire aisle and put it in a holder without starting a fire, sit without figiting in front of hundreds of people for the entire hour, and carry wine around without dropping it, I figured that it might not be such a great idea after all. Maybe I could get him an earpiece like the Secret Service guys wear and talk into my sleeve while he's up there, saying things like, "watch where you're going, quit picking your scabs, tie your shoe, hold the chalice with BOTH hands!" Or maybe we can just wait a year or two.
Overall, we are just blessed and blessed and blessed. And tired. But blessed.
Thomas spent three days at Fifth Grade Camp earlier this month. It was a terrific time, mostly hands-on science curriculum and it was right up his alley. He came home feeling even cooler than he was before (as if that's possible). It was funny how much Mere, Tinsaye, and Solomon missed him. They kept saying, "I wonder what Thomas is doing now?" and when I told them that they should get used to it because someday he was going to college without them, Tinsaye started crying. She pretty much can't deal with any more family changes right now.
Speaking of Tinsaye, we've been pretty overwhelmed with a big issue for her: her age. Her birth certificate issued by the Ethiopian government said her birthdate was 7/2/2002. The longer she was here, the more convinced we were that she was older than 8. She knows she's older than 8 too, but Ethiopian calendar and tradition of counting birthdays differently made it really hard for us to determine the correct age. Plus she's doing really well in school (2nd grade) and we don't want to change her grade right now. So after a bone scan, a consultation with an international adoption specialist doctor, our pediatrician, a family therapist, and her teachers, we are officially changing her birthdate to 7/2/2001, making her 9 1/2. She seems happy with this and at peace (which is a big relief since she we have had lots of emotional drama surrounding this issue). Thomas is VERY relieved to still be the oldest. We may move her up a grade at some point, but this year she is staying put. We applied for her Michigan birth certificate with the age change and we'll have to go to a hearing in Oakland County court to present the medical reasons, but after we have a new MI birth certificate, we can get federal documentation and be done with it forever.
I keep forgetting to update you all about the kids' medical issues. We've spent a lot of time this fall dealing with doctors, even beyond all the stuff dealing with Tinsaye's age. We saw a geneticist who confirmed that they both have Axenfeld-Riegers Syndrome. We also had full cardiology exams for both kids since the genetic anomaly can lead to cardiac malformation too. They were both completely normal and healthy! We are supposed to see an audiologist also to rule out any ear malformations, but I feel confident that they hear just fine, so we've put that off for now. Both Solomon and Tinsaye's eye pressures continue to improve and Tinsaye's vision has actually improved somewhat (from astonishingly bad to just remarkably bad!). Solomon goes back for a recheck with the ophthalmologist next Friday and if pressures are still good, we will plan a surgery to fix the strabismus (wandering eye). He doesn't know about the surgery, I think he'll be really scared. We'll just deal with it as it comes. Both kids' teeth are a disaster. Many adult teeth never formed in utero, so they will just have to have bridges or implants or something, but they are too young to do anything about it now, so they just look crazy. Solomon actually got his two adult bottom teeth, but never lost his baby ones... the adult teeth just came in behind the babies, so he's a total Shark Boy right now. He cried and cried because the Tooth Fairy never came for him! We are all caught up on their immunizations for now, so that is one less thing to deal with.
All the kids are playing community ed basketball right now and having fun with that. Beyond that, school and church keep us unbelievably busy. The girls are preparing for First Communion in the spring, so they just had their First Reconciliation. Meredith was very worried because she could not think of any sins she needed to confess and if she made any up, she'd be lying, which would be a sin that she needed to confess! Quite a quandary. She eventually decided to own up to "ignoring her dad" and "hitting her brother" and she felt really good about her confession. Tinsaye made a list of about 10 ordinary sins like "fighting with my brother", but then in the heat of the confessional, she told me she panicked and admitted to "pantsing my brother in the front yard, but it was on accident and I said I was sorry ten times, but he no listen to me, he is so angry". It must be hilarious for the priest to hear first confessions! Thomas went to the training to be an altar server. It seemed like a good idea, since we often serve as host family and Thomas helps on the altar frequently. However, when we realized that he was going to have to carry a giant lit candle up the entire aisle and put it in a holder without starting a fire, sit without figiting in front of hundreds of people for the entire hour, and carry wine around without dropping it, I figured that it might not be such a great idea after all. Maybe I could get him an earpiece like the Secret Service guys wear and talk into my sleeve while he's up there, saying things like, "watch where you're going, quit picking your scabs, tie your shoe, hold the chalice with BOTH hands!" Or maybe we can just wait a year or two.
Overall, we are just blessed and blessed and blessed. And tired. But blessed.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
November 6-- Faith Day
November 6, 1997: I have a new job, we are in a new house, our world is great. Now we're ready to have a baby! Everything is going along just perfectly according to plan.
November 6, 1998: I have had two miscarriages and now I'm not getting pregnant again. I am so full of grief, fear, and longing that I feel broken inside and I'm not sure I'll ever be happy again.
November 6, 1999: Another miscarriage, more doctors, a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis. Now I'm pregnant again and too scared to be happy. But I'm farther along than before and I continue to pray. If it doesn't work out this time, we are looking into international adoption next. Knowing that we will have a family one way or another gives me peace.
November 6, 2000: Perfect baby Thomas was born in March. After a rocky start, he's doing great and we are finally the family I have been praying for.
November 6, 2001: Everything is going great in our lives.... maybe we should be thinking about baby #2. Am I ready for all the doctors? For feeling terrible when I go off my arthritis meds? We'll give it a shot, but nothing heroic. If it doesn't work out, there are millions of children in this world who need a family. If I've learned anything, it's that God has a plan for us.
November 6, 2002: I'm pregnant and expecting a miscarriage any day. I refuse to get my hopes up...but...the early ultrasounds look good, the hormone levels continue to rise (did I mention how much I LOVE bloodwork and doctors?) and I'm puking daily. God, give me the strength to endure whatever you have in store for me.
November 6, 2003: Meredith arrived in June and NOW we are finally the family I have been praying for. It's a lot of work, though. I'm working days and Brian's working nights and we hand off each afternoon.
November 6, 2004: We've got it all under control. Lots of work, but it's all good.
November 6, 2005: Thomas is in school, Brian's back to days. We're making plenty of money, kids are getting easier. How perfect is this life? Thank you God for all our many blessings.
November 6, 2006: Yeah, I'm sure I'm crazy , but there's just this tiny little thing... I'm wondering if maybe our family is not quite done. Seems a little bit like someone is missing. But I just can't deal with all the fertility stuff again. And I'm really over the whole baby scene. Hmmmm.....
November 6, 2007: I'm pretty sure two kids are missing from our family. I'm also pretty sure Brian is going to kill me. I just can't get it out of my head. Somebody needs us. It makes no sense at all. Why would we mess up our perfect family? If this is what God wants for our family, he's going to have to work some serious miracles.
November 6, 2008: Brian just called to tell me he was laid off today. How about those miracles, God? You think THIS is going to help? Now what do you want from us?
November 6, 2009: Brian spent an hour this morning at a prayer group at church (that wouldn't have happened a year ago). In his prayer he said, "I guess this call to adopt is not going to go away. I have tried to ignore it for a long time and I'm tired of sitting on the fence and being afraid. If this is what You want for us, You're going to have to work some serious miracles. We have NOTHING under control and we have NO plan now, so bring it on."
...meanwhile, on the other side of the planet....a woman was walking away from an orphanage where she had just left her two children. Through her tears her prayer was, "keep them safe, Lord, take care of them." The children were consumed with grief and fear. They were told to smile for the camera as they took their intake photo. The date stamp on the photo says November 6, 2009.
November 6, 2010: My four kids are asleep in their sleeping bags in the basement because they all would prefer to be together rather than apart at any given moment. I am up very early because apparently I am supposed to write this blog post (when I wake up at 4:50am with all this stuff in my head, I've learned that it is because someone needs to read it). I look at my life, I look at their lives, and I am overwhelmed at what God can do when we pray, when we wait, when we trust.
Today is our family's first annual celebration of what I guess we're going to call Faith Day. For us, it is a celebration of all the ways God has taken care of us, especially when it seemed like things were going really, really wrong. I need those reminders when I am exhausted and overwhelmed (a lot of the time!). It's also a day to be reminded how important it is to ACT in faith. So many things get in the way of us acting on our faith: our comfortable American life, our bank accounts, our age... the list is long and personal. But my crazy family is living proof that God is only limited by our lack of courage to let go of our fears and act.
Happy Faith Day, everybody!
November 6, 1998: I have had two miscarriages and now I'm not getting pregnant again. I am so full of grief, fear, and longing that I feel broken inside and I'm not sure I'll ever be happy again.
November 6, 1999: Another miscarriage, more doctors, a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis. Now I'm pregnant again and too scared to be happy. But I'm farther along than before and I continue to pray. If it doesn't work out this time, we are looking into international adoption next. Knowing that we will have a family one way or another gives me peace.
November 6, 2000: Perfect baby Thomas was born in March. After a rocky start, he's doing great and we are finally the family I have been praying for.
November 6, 2001: Everything is going great in our lives.... maybe we should be thinking about baby #2. Am I ready for all the doctors? For feeling terrible when I go off my arthritis meds? We'll give it a shot, but nothing heroic. If it doesn't work out, there are millions of children in this world who need a family. If I've learned anything, it's that God has a plan for us.
November 6, 2002: I'm pregnant and expecting a miscarriage any day. I refuse to get my hopes up...but...the early ultrasounds look good, the hormone levels continue to rise (did I mention how much I LOVE bloodwork and doctors?) and I'm puking daily. God, give me the strength to endure whatever you have in store for me.
November 6, 2003: Meredith arrived in June and NOW we are finally the family I have been praying for. It's a lot of work, though. I'm working days and Brian's working nights and we hand off each afternoon.
November 6, 2004: We've got it all under control. Lots of work, but it's all good.
November 6, 2005: Thomas is in school, Brian's back to days. We're making plenty of money, kids are getting easier. How perfect is this life? Thank you God for all our many blessings.
November 6, 2006: Yeah, I'm sure I'm crazy , but there's just this tiny little thing... I'm wondering if maybe our family is not quite done. Seems a little bit like someone is missing. But I just can't deal with all the fertility stuff again. And I'm really over the whole baby scene. Hmmmm.....
November 6, 2007: I'm pretty sure two kids are missing from our family. I'm also pretty sure Brian is going to kill me. I just can't get it out of my head. Somebody needs us. It makes no sense at all. Why would we mess up our perfect family? If this is what God wants for our family, he's going to have to work some serious miracles.
November 6, 2008: Brian just called to tell me he was laid off today. How about those miracles, God? You think THIS is going to help? Now what do you want from us?
November 6, 2009: Brian spent an hour this morning at a prayer group at church (that wouldn't have happened a year ago). In his prayer he said, "I guess this call to adopt is not going to go away. I have tried to ignore it for a long time and I'm tired of sitting on the fence and being afraid. If this is what You want for us, You're going to have to work some serious miracles. We have NOTHING under control and we have NO plan now, so bring it on."
...meanwhile, on the other side of the planet....a woman was walking away from an orphanage where she had just left her two children. Through her tears her prayer was, "keep them safe, Lord, take care of them." The children were consumed with grief and fear. They were told to smile for the camera as they took their intake photo. The date stamp on the photo says November 6, 2009.
November 6, 2010: My four kids are asleep in their sleeping bags in the basement because they all would prefer to be together rather than apart at any given moment. I am up very early because apparently I am supposed to write this blog post (when I wake up at 4:50am with all this stuff in my head, I've learned that it is because someone needs to read it). I look at my life, I look at their lives, and I am overwhelmed at what God can do when we pray, when we wait, when we trust.
Today is our family's first annual celebration of what I guess we're going to call Faith Day. For us, it is a celebration of all the ways God has taken care of us, especially when it seemed like things were going really, really wrong. I need those reminders when I am exhausted and overwhelmed (a lot of the time!). It's also a day to be reminded how important it is to ACT in faith. So many things get in the way of us acting on our faith: our comfortable American life, our bank accounts, our age... the list is long and personal. But my crazy family is living proof that God is only limited by our lack of courage to let go of our fears and act.
Happy Faith Day, everybody!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Solomonisms
"Mom, mom,mom,mom,mom....can I off my pants?"
"These things (mittens) is hot my fingers! They can't go out!"
"I have BEEEG (big) problem on the bus today. Joanna say she is love me! I no love her, but I no want to hurt her feelings. What if she is kiss me? Deeshgusting!"
"Mom, I have another beeeeeg problem on the bus. This girl, I no know her name, it is something start with V and her face is like China. She say to me "are you gonna sit here?" and I say yes and she yell at me "NO, YOU IS NOT SITTING BY ME!" and I get VERY angry and yell at her "YES, I IS SIT HERE, BUS DRIVER SAY" and she say "Bus Driver, Solomon is yelling at me!" and I very angry and little bit scared."
Mom, it is very cold today.
Yes, but it's going to get colder.
Will it go to 5?
Yes, someday. That's really cold.
When it is 5 will I have to wear my mittens in my classroom?
No, it's warm inside.
But how it stay warm inside? 5 is VERRRRRRY cold!
Mom, can I wear my elevator pjs?
Your elevator pjs?
Yeah, you know with the guy?
What guy?
The guy, elevator, on Star Wars?
You mean Darth Vader??????????????
Yeah, Darth Vader. Can I wear those pjs? Can I off my pants?
"These things (mittens) is hot my fingers! They can't go out!"
"I have BEEEG (big) problem on the bus today. Joanna say she is love me! I no love her, but I no want to hurt her feelings. What if she is kiss me? Deeshgusting!"
"Mom, I have another beeeeeg problem on the bus. This girl, I no know her name, it is something start with V and her face is like China. She say to me "are you gonna sit here?" and I say yes and she yell at me "NO, YOU IS NOT SITTING BY ME!" and I get VERY angry and yell at her "YES, I IS SIT HERE, BUS DRIVER SAY" and she say "Bus Driver, Solomon is yelling at me!" and I very angry and little bit scared."
Mom, it is very cold today.
Yes, but it's going to get colder.
Will it go to 5?
Yes, someday. That's really cold.
When it is 5 will I have to wear my mittens in my classroom?
No, it's warm inside.
But how it stay warm inside? 5 is VERRRRRRY cold!
Mom, can I wear my elevator pjs?
Your elevator pjs?
Yeah, you know with the guy?
What guy?
The guy, elevator, on Star Wars?
You mean Darth Vader??????????????
Yeah, Darth Vader. Can I wear those pjs? Can I off my pants?
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A Day In The Life Of the Most Exhausted Woman In The World
5:50am Wake up to NPR, unfortunately it's Fall Fundraising Pledge Drive, hit snooze
6:02am Brian comes up with my coffee, every joint is stiff and sore, rheumatoid arthritis sucks and mine is in a major flare that my meds are not handling, dr. appointment 9 days away. Drag my defective body out of bed anyway and get in the shower.
6:20am Kids are up, everyone needs mom to find them something or do their hair or answer random questions about why it's still dark outside, why it's cold, how cold it is, when will it snow, and can we please have eggs for breakfast. Answer all questions while doing my hair and makeup.
6:50am Brian vetoed eggs, but got everyone cereal. Minimal arguing and whining.
7:00am Brian leaves early for a meeting with a client.
7:05am Kids brush teeth, get eye drops and allergy meds, shoes on, coats on, backpacks, lunches, snacks, out the door, in the car. Meredith forgot something(s), go back, hunt around, minor yelling, return to car. Phone is dying, grab the charger, my lunch, my coat, my bag, my keys, driving away.
7:15am Drop off Solomon, Meredith, Tinsaye at latchkey at school.
7:25am Drop Thomas off at a friend's house to be driven in later for WLE news crew.
7:45am Department meeting at school
8:17am Meeting ends, kids in the building
8:27am MEAP testing at school, schedule is completely jacked, running around for 2 hours facilitating/problem solving/sorting test documents, whatever needs doing
10:40am shortened classes, kids are nuts from over testing and being forced to sit still and be silent for two hours.
3:09pm kids leave. Debrief w/ student teacher, answer emails, return phone calls, install software (unsuccessfully), copy and email some midi files for a colleague, sort cheesecake fundraiser orders, count money, plan tomorrow, freak out about how close the concert is getting and how crappy my choirs sound right now
3:59pm walk out the door, drive away, turn off NPR due to annoying Fall Fundraiser (again!)
4:15pm arrive at home, get mail, dump my stuff, turn on the computer
4:20pm kids come in from the bus. Solomon is happy, shows me his latest green note (good behavior), Thomas is angry about some rotten kids on the bus, Tinsaye is crying and Meredith is kind of teary too and they both go up to their room. Emotional triage: I ignore the girls temporarily. Solomon gets a hug and snack and I get him started on his homework packet. Then Thomas gets my full attention while he explains the bus situation. We troubleshoot, I reassure, check his backpack for homework (none) and he's out the door to play football with friends. Then I go to the girls room and assess the damage: Mere got hit in the face with some kid's backpack on the bus. She's fine and is now playing with her stuffed animals. Tinsaye was still stewing about some ridiculous non-event that happened about an hour and a half ago that she figured she could milk for some drama to get more of my attention. Unfortunately since I put her last on the triage list, she couldn't quite even remember what she was pretending to be upset about, so it lost a lot of it's dramatic impact. I reassure her that everything is fine and tell her to deal with it and go do her homework. She is fine and happily complies.
5:05pm I sit down with Meredith to help her with reading. We finish her book and I check Tinsaye and Solomon's homework.
5:15pm I call Brian to tell him we have to go out for dinner since I am too tired to cook anything and nothing magically appeared in the crockpot tonight.
5:20pm Go through mail and emails, pick up the breakfast dishes left in the kitchen from our early departure.
5:45pm Pile in the car to meet Brian for dinner at a nearby coney island.
7pm Home from dinner, supervise showers, pack up backpacks for tomorrow. Brian goes to the basement to work on a Riveting Media project that is due to the client tomorrow.
7:30pm Kids help me pack lunches. Part way through Solomon does something to annoy Thomas and Thomas flips out. He's clearly really stressed about some things, so I stop making lunches and take him up to his room to let him vent. He's got a list a mile long of stuff that's been bothering him at school and at home. We troubleshoot, I reassure him, he feels better. Meanwhile, Brian is getting the other kids finished with lunches and snacks.
8:15pm Teeth brushing, bathroom, eye drops, prayers, clothes laid out for the morning, more random questions.
8:40pm Lights out for the kids. I go back to finish making sandwiches and pick up the house.
8:55pm I realize that Meredith never did her homework!
8:56pm Send an email to Thomas's teacher alerting her to his meltdown and stress level.
9:15pm Start typing this blog post to vent and document my day. I am certain that there will come a day, many, many years in the future, when I will not be working this hard and will find it difficult to even imagine that I ever did this much in a day. Realize that this was actually a relatively easy day since I didn't make dinner, one kid didn't have homework and one kid neglected her homework, no one had to be anywhere in the evening, there were no doctors to call or see, no emergency calls midday from WLE telling me that someone was sick/injured, no family or friends in crisis, and we didn't run out of milk, bread, bananas, or avocados.
9:55pm going up to bed... starting all over in 8 hours.
6:02am Brian comes up with my coffee, every joint is stiff and sore, rheumatoid arthritis sucks and mine is in a major flare that my meds are not handling, dr. appointment 9 days away. Drag my defective body out of bed anyway and get in the shower.
6:20am Kids are up, everyone needs mom to find them something or do their hair or answer random questions about why it's still dark outside, why it's cold, how cold it is, when will it snow, and can we please have eggs for breakfast. Answer all questions while doing my hair and makeup.
6:50am Brian vetoed eggs, but got everyone cereal. Minimal arguing and whining.
7:00am Brian leaves early for a meeting with a client.
7:05am Kids brush teeth, get eye drops and allergy meds, shoes on, coats on, backpacks, lunches, snacks, out the door, in the car. Meredith forgot something(s), go back, hunt around, minor yelling, return to car. Phone is dying, grab the charger, my lunch, my coat, my bag, my keys, driving away.
7:15am Drop off Solomon, Meredith, Tinsaye at latchkey at school.
7:25am Drop Thomas off at a friend's house to be driven in later for WLE news crew.
7:45am Department meeting at school
8:17am Meeting ends, kids in the building
8:27am MEAP testing at school, schedule is completely jacked, running around for 2 hours facilitating/problem solving/sorting test documents, whatever needs doing
10:40am shortened classes, kids are nuts from over testing and being forced to sit still and be silent for two hours.
3:09pm kids leave. Debrief w/ student teacher, answer emails, return phone calls, install software (unsuccessfully), copy and email some midi files for a colleague, sort cheesecake fundraiser orders, count money, plan tomorrow, freak out about how close the concert is getting and how crappy my choirs sound right now
3:59pm walk out the door, drive away, turn off NPR due to annoying Fall Fundraiser (again!)
4:15pm arrive at home, get mail, dump my stuff, turn on the computer
4:20pm kids come in from the bus. Solomon is happy, shows me his latest green note (good behavior), Thomas is angry about some rotten kids on the bus, Tinsaye is crying and Meredith is kind of teary too and they both go up to their room. Emotional triage: I ignore the girls temporarily. Solomon gets a hug and snack and I get him started on his homework packet. Then Thomas gets my full attention while he explains the bus situation. We troubleshoot, I reassure, check his backpack for homework (none) and he's out the door to play football with friends. Then I go to the girls room and assess the damage: Mere got hit in the face with some kid's backpack on the bus. She's fine and is now playing with her stuffed animals. Tinsaye was still stewing about some ridiculous non-event that happened about an hour and a half ago that she figured she could milk for some drama to get more of my attention. Unfortunately since I put her last on the triage list, she couldn't quite even remember what she was pretending to be upset about, so it lost a lot of it's dramatic impact. I reassure her that everything is fine and tell her to deal with it and go do her homework. She is fine and happily complies.
5:05pm I sit down with Meredith to help her with reading. We finish her book and I check Tinsaye and Solomon's homework.
5:15pm I call Brian to tell him we have to go out for dinner since I am too tired to cook anything and nothing magically appeared in the crockpot tonight.
5:20pm Go through mail and emails, pick up the breakfast dishes left in the kitchen from our early departure.
5:45pm Pile in the car to meet Brian for dinner at a nearby coney island.
7pm Home from dinner, supervise showers, pack up backpacks for tomorrow. Brian goes to the basement to work on a Riveting Media project that is due to the client tomorrow.
7:30pm Kids help me pack lunches. Part way through Solomon does something to annoy Thomas and Thomas flips out. He's clearly really stressed about some things, so I stop making lunches and take him up to his room to let him vent. He's got a list a mile long of stuff that's been bothering him at school and at home. We troubleshoot, I reassure him, he feels better. Meanwhile, Brian is getting the other kids finished with lunches and snacks.
8:15pm Teeth brushing, bathroom, eye drops, prayers, clothes laid out for the morning, more random questions.
8:40pm Lights out for the kids. I go back to finish making sandwiches and pick up the house.
8:55pm I realize that Meredith never did her homework!
8:56pm Send an email to Thomas's teacher alerting her to his meltdown and stress level.
9:15pm Start typing this blog post to vent and document my day. I am certain that there will come a day, many, many years in the future, when I will not be working this hard and will find it difficult to even imagine that I ever did this much in a day. Realize that this was actually a relatively easy day since I didn't make dinner, one kid didn't have homework and one kid neglected her homework, no one had to be anywhere in the evening, there were no doctors to call or see, no emergency calls midday from WLE telling me that someone was sick/injured, no family or friends in crisis, and we didn't run out of milk, bread, bananas, or avocados.
9:55pm going up to bed... starting all over in 8 hours.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Starting School
First day of school was September 7 and it couldn't get here soon enough for me! I'd been crawling the walls to spend more time with adults and people who value my input (as opposed to my children who believe I am the Fun Governor / Cook/ Maid). Thomas, Meredith, and Solomon were also completely jazzed about starting a new year, but Tinsaye was pretty nervous. She said to me the night before, "Mom, me is small scared of the children. Not boys; boys is good, they is always playing. Me is scared of girles [she pronounces it with two syllables]. Girles is sometimes mean and is hurt me feelings." Poor kid, she's totally right. I guess there are mean girls in every culture. We talked about all the kids she already knew, and that Meredith will be with her at lunch and at recess, and we even practiced how to stand up to a mean kid and what to say if someone hurts your feelings. (It was something nice like, "Stop talking to me that way, you're hurting my feelings." instead of Thomas's helpful suggestion of "shut up or my big brother Thomas will put you in a hammerlock"). She felt better and slept okay the night before.
Here's our annual "first day of school" photos:
Thomas started fifth grade, Tinsaye and Meredith are in second grade, and Solomon is in first grade. This is the only year they will ever be all in the same building. I'm really grateful for ONE bus schedule, conference schedule, lunch menu, and office attendance number, but I now I get FOUR copies of every PTA flyer, fundraiser form, activity reminder, weekly newsletter, and lice/chickenpox/flu alert. The mountain of paperwork coming in my door every night is astonishing.
Thomas is pretty happy to be the "top dog" in school. His fifth grade class is really small, only about 65 kids, but they have three teachers. He has Mrs. Rohde for homeroom, reading/writing, and math and he goes to Mrs. Athan for Science and Mr. Reed (his first male teacher) for Social Studies. Switching classes is a big deal. He has matured so much I can hardly believe this is the same kid that was once a chubby little kindergartener. He is not playing football this fall because we decided that tackle required an absurd amount of time from a 10 year old boy. He actually agreed with us, although virtually all of his friends are playing tackle. He said, "I don't want too much going on while I'm worrying about school and if Tinsaye and Solomon are doing okay." Therein lies Thomas's greatest challenge: not stressing about being perfect at school, and being a brother not a third parent. He will be playing basketball very soon, and he is on the school news crew and he's a bus safety, so that keeps him pretty occupied.
Solomon loves school like no child I've ever known. I mean he LOVES it, every thing from the pencil sharpener to the play structure to the bulletin boards to the lunch room and his precious Star Wars lunchbox. He is up and dressed and with his backpack and lunchbox ready to go about 12 minutes after I wake him up in the morning because he can not WAIT to see what amazing things he will discover today. He worships his teacher, Miss Johnson. She has very long red hair and he is halfway in love with her, and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. He has already brought home three "green notes" which are daily awards for being terrific. His only fear is the looming specter of the dreaded "pink note" which is for negative behavior. He gave me a stunningly dramatic re-enactment of some poor kid named Shruti interrupting Miss Johnson three times and getting a pink note. He was shocked, SHOCKED that anyone would ever do anything to displease Miss Johnson. So far he has discovered the following: dot-to-dots ("Mom, see! You draw pencil on numbers and MAGIC picture is there!"), criss-cross-applesauce ("Miss Johnson, why you legs is applesauce?"), the importance of knowing your bus route number ("We is one-five-five, I remember number and I look for Tinsaye too"), and why you don't pull your pants down at the urinal ("Is dee-shgus-ting! I go in bathroom and this boy is his bottom is all out and he say 'you no look at me butt!' and say 'sorry' but I laughing too!"). Like many 6 year old boys, he is fascinated by dinosaurs and astronauts, but for Solomon it is because he never knew either existed before now. Giant bones? In the ground? Where dinosaurs go? You fly so high it is black? You float in the air? HOW??? Solomon reminds me how vast and miraculous is the universe. He is so tired at the end of the day he has fallen asleep while getting his eye drops. He says, "I'm sorry mom, me sleep is come" and that's it. Gone. Wow, I love this kid.
Meredith has Ms. Hayes for second grade and she is totally laid back, happy, and peaceful about school so far. She always thinks she's doing fine and has lots of friends, no problems. However, after only nine days of school, she has already forgotten her lunchbox one day and her picture money another day. Thomas caught her getting on the wrong bus too, but she claims she was "tricking him" because he's a bus safety and she wanted to see if he was doing a good job! When everyone piles in the house after school, the other three yell their stories over each other and fight for my attention, but Meredith just comes in, dumps her stuff and starts fixing a snack or watching TV. I have to pry information out of her and it's not easy because the other three don't even wait for her to respond before they interrupt to tell their stuff. She's really happy, though, and I just have to find time to be alone with her to really find out about her day.
Tinsaye discovered that "the children in America is SO NICE, they is all me friends, no one is hurting me feelings". On the first morning she tried really hard to convince her dad to just drive her in the car behind the school bus because she was scared and he told her to forget it. Again, I'm reminded why God chose us to be her parents... in the hands of gentler people she'd be a huge princess, but in our family it's always "quit whining and get on the bus". Her teacher is Mrs. Tarchalski, and the comedy factor alone of hearing her try to pronounce Tarchalski is awesome. But in addition, Mrs. Tarchalski is a terrific teacher who is also Tinsaye's lifeline/personal saint. In contrast to Meredith, Tinsaye loves to recount every minute of the entire school day, how she was feeling, who said what, what they did next, what games she played on recess and who she played with, in minute and excruciating detail. I just listen and listen and remind myself how hard it must have been for this little girl to have had no mom to tell all her stuff to at the orphanage. The other special thing about Tinsaye is that she has Jesus on speed-dial 24-7. She's a deeply spiritual kid and genuinely pops in and out of prayer all the time. As in "Mom, the children is all going to the door and me is not sure what to do and me think 'Jesus help me, what to do?' and He say 'ask you friend and she is help you'". And "I is open me lunchbox and see me sandwich with so much avocado and I say 'thank you Jesus for me mom'". I'm learning a lot from Tinsaye, and I often think "Thank you Jesus, for me Tinsaye."
So now you know why it's taken me two weeks to get this blog updated. Instead of blogging I'm making avocado sandwiches, explaining archaology, listening to stories, solving problems, filling out forms, filling out the same forms again for Meredith since she lost hers the first time, and finding Youtube videos of astronauts. And praying. I'm doing lots and lots of praying. And although most of my prayers are for patience, peace, strength, and wisdom, I am also overflowing with gratitude and awe.
Here's our annual "first day of school" photos:
So now you know why it's taken me two weeks to get this blog updated. Instead of blogging I'm making avocado sandwiches, explaining archaology, listening to stories, solving problems, filling out forms, filling out the same forms again for Meredith since she lost hers the first time, and finding Youtube videos of astronauts. And praying. I'm doing lots and lots of praying. And although most of my prayers are for patience, peace, strength, and wisdom, I am also overflowing with gratitude and awe.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
End of Summer Update
It has been really hard to find the time to write the last few weeks. I'm just trying to keep up with the kids and our life every day. I start back to school this week and it's only going to get infinitely more difficult. I seriously do NOT know how I'm going to manage, but I am trusting that God has this figured out just like everything else.
So how are we doing? Here's an update on all of us at the end of our amazing summer:
In the last 10 weeks, Solomon learned how to swim. When he came home he was terrified to not be touching the bottom of the lake or pool, he didn't trust a life jacket, he wouldn't even let one of us hold him in the water. This weekend, he was doing cannonballs off a diving board and swimming to the ladder to do it again. He also learned how to ride a bike, discovered the joys of video games, and has eaten more pizza than any child I've ever known. He's gained 4.5 pounds, now tipping the scales at a massive 49 lb! A recheck at the ophthalmologist showed that the pressures in his eyes are not coming down, in spite of a month's worth of eye drops. We're now trying new drops for another month, if that doesn't work, surgery to implant a drain and relieve the pressures. Not panicking, just taking it one step at a time. Solomon is the world's worst backseat driver. He watches everything I do behind the wheel, asking questions incessantly, telling me when to turn left (he loves that he knows where everything is now), verifying that my turn signal is on, reminding me that the red lights on the back of the car ahead of me means it's braking, and often saying, "Mom, sign is speed 45, you is speed 48, you is ticket". He got light up Spiderman shoes for school and literally had tears of joy in his eyes.
Tinsaye also learned how to swim (much faster than Solomon), but her real challenge was learning to ride a bike. She spent many evenings falling off and laying in the street crying while her heartless parents ignored her drama before she just forced herself to keep practicing and learn it. Now she's a pro! She is still a major league drama queen, but we have reduced the number of tear soaked kleenex dramatically. Her ophthalmology recheck showed that her eye pressures are down to healthy levels, no doubt because she spends so much time crying! She has gained 6 pounds, primarily due to her obsession with ice cream, cookies, cake, candy, and those gigantic muffins from Costco. There is rarely a day without some tears shed due to being denied her desire for limitless amounts of sugary garbage. Besides all things Hostess, she mostly still eats just bananas, avocados, bread, peanut butter, eggs, and yogurt. She loves American TV and music, singing along with my iPod and watching as much mindless Nickelodeon drivel as I let her. Tinsaye is the emotional barometer in our family. If any of us is even a little bit sad, she is there immediately seeking to help, comfort, or solve the problem. Every night she wraps her arms around me and whispers in my ear, "I love you so much, Mommy."
Thomas and Meredith pretty much continue on as always. Meredith is patient, dreamy, funny. Thomas is impatient, bossy, funny. They've had some sad times and have struggled with adjusting, but they seem to be leveling out. They really seem happiest when all six of us are doing something together: riding bikes, going to get ice cream, traveling. They both say that our family is more fun now, which makes me really happy.
I am tired. I have spent countless hours dealing with medical issues (making appointments, going to appointments, getting prescriptions, getting shots), making kids read, write, turn off the TV, stop fighting, and eat something other than hot dogs for lunch. I have taken the kids to the library, the pool, the hairdresser, their friends houses, the lake, the ice cream shop, the farmers market, church, school, and, of course, the doctors office. I have cleaned up kool-aid faces, bloody knees, popsicles off the porch, muffin crumbs off the chairs, and pee off the bathroom floor. I have made enough peanut butter sandwiches to feed every child in Michigan. My roots are gray, I've gained five pounds, my normally beautiful gardens are an atrocity of weeds. I am really tired. But I think I've gotten our family off to a really good start.
So how are we doing? Here's an update on all of us at the end of our amazing summer:
In the last 10 weeks, Solomon learned how to swim. When he came home he was terrified to not be touching the bottom of the lake or pool, he didn't trust a life jacket, he wouldn't even let one of us hold him in the water. This weekend, he was doing cannonballs off a diving board and swimming to the ladder to do it again. He also learned how to ride a bike, discovered the joys of video games, and has eaten more pizza than any child I've ever known. He's gained 4.5 pounds, now tipping the scales at a massive 49 lb! A recheck at the ophthalmologist showed that the pressures in his eyes are not coming down, in spite of a month's worth of eye drops. We're now trying new drops for another month, if that doesn't work, surgery to implant a drain and relieve the pressures. Not panicking, just taking it one step at a time. Solomon is the world's worst backseat driver. He watches everything I do behind the wheel, asking questions incessantly, telling me when to turn left (he loves that he knows where everything is now), verifying that my turn signal is on, reminding me that the red lights on the back of the car ahead of me means it's braking, and often saying, "Mom, sign is speed 45, you is speed 48, you is ticket". He got light up Spiderman shoes for school and literally had tears of joy in his eyes.
Tinsaye also learned how to swim (much faster than Solomon), but her real challenge was learning to ride a bike. She spent many evenings falling off and laying in the street crying while her heartless parents ignored her drama before she just forced herself to keep practicing and learn it. Now she's a pro! She is still a major league drama queen, but we have reduced the number of tear soaked kleenex dramatically. Her ophthalmology recheck showed that her eye pressures are down to healthy levels, no doubt because she spends so much time crying! She has gained 6 pounds, primarily due to her obsession with ice cream, cookies, cake, candy, and those gigantic muffins from Costco. There is rarely a day without some tears shed due to being denied her desire for limitless amounts of sugary garbage. Besides all things Hostess, she mostly still eats just bananas, avocados, bread, peanut butter, eggs, and yogurt. She loves American TV and music, singing along with my iPod and watching as much mindless Nickelodeon drivel as I let her. Tinsaye is the emotional barometer in our family. If any of us is even a little bit sad, she is there immediately seeking to help, comfort, or solve the problem. Every night she wraps her arms around me and whispers in my ear, "I love you so much, Mommy."
Thomas and Meredith pretty much continue on as always. Meredith is patient, dreamy, funny. Thomas is impatient, bossy, funny. They've had some sad times and have struggled with adjusting, but they seem to be leveling out. They really seem happiest when all six of us are doing something together: riding bikes, going to get ice cream, traveling. They both say that our family is more fun now, which makes me really happy.
I am tired. I have spent countless hours dealing with medical issues (making appointments, going to appointments, getting prescriptions, getting shots), making kids read, write, turn off the TV, stop fighting, and eat something other than hot dogs for lunch. I have taken the kids to the library, the pool, the hairdresser, their friends houses, the lake, the ice cream shop, the farmers market, church, school, and, of course, the doctors office. I have cleaned up kool-aid faces, bloody knees, popsicles off the porch, muffin crumbs off the chairs, and pee off the bathroom floor. I have made enough peanut butter sandwiches to feed every child in Michigan. My roots are gray, I've gained five pounds, my normally beautiful gardens are an atrocity of weeds. I am really tired. But I think I've gotten our family off to a really good start.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
The Story of our Trip Part 4- Thursday
Thursday, June 17, 2010-
Another beautiful morning in Ethiopia. We were all excited and nervous this morning because we were going to visit Solomon and Tinsaye's birth mom. We ate breakfast with the other families at the guest house and got dressed in nicer clothes. The other moms at the guest house with us could really understand our nervousness because some of them had met birth families too and had varying experiences. One family asked the American family to buy them a car! It's a really complicated experience because most orphaned children in Ethiopia have living family members, they are just unable to care for them due to poverty and/or poor health. Ethiopian children are treasured by their families and it is a difficult decision for a family to relinquish their children, but they know that the life they are giving their children by giving them up holds infinitely more possibility than anything they could provide them in Ethiopia.
We walked to Layla House and the social worker, Elsa, met us there. Elsa came with us to facilitate the visit by translating for us and making sure the kids understood that it was a final visit. Solomon, Tinsaye, Brian, Elsa, and I got in the car with the driver, Sahid, and we left. I knew the kids had grown up in Addis, but for some reason I thought it would be a long drive. It was only about 10 minutes away from the orphanage. We started out on paved main roads with sidewalks and medians, then turned onto a paved narrow road, then onto a dirt road, and finally onto a deeply rutted track full of people and animals and other cars and surrounded on all sides by tiny houses and stores constructed of mud, dung, tin, wood, plastic... pretty much any building material you can imagine. As soon as we turned down this street, every person was staring at us and children started yelling, "Solomon! Solomon!", waving to him and Tinsaye in the car and running ahead of us (which wasn't hard to do since the road was so horrible we were only going about 3 miles per hour). Tinsaye started giving Sahid directions and told him where to stop. We got out of the car and I felt like I was in the middle of a PBS documentary on African poverty. I also felt huge and shockingly white and really REALLY wished I had had my last hepatitis vaccine as we walked past open cookfires, through a rusted tin gate, over dirt and rocks, into a small courtyard for several tiny huts. Two women came out (alerted by the band of children shrieking "Solomon") and the kids ran to them in a huge embrace. It was their birth mom, Worke, and her sister. Then birth mom turned to us and we all had an awkward minute of shaking hands, introductions, bowing, and then Brian just bent down and hugged her. Immediately all three of us started crying and Worke kept saying "thank you, thank you, thank you" as tears streamed down all of our faces. Elsa moved things along by saying, "let's all go in the house and we can sit and talk".
So we all crammed into this tiny hut. It was about 12x12 ft square, one door, one window, a big bed along the back wall, a cupboard on another wall, a tiny cookstove in a corner. I was TERRIFIED that she was going to offer us coffee that we NO WAY could drink without getting sick and I was hoping Elsa would intervene on behalf of our wimpy American digestive systems, but she didn't offer us anything. Whew! She had several small gifts for the kids: a Bible, a cross neckace, some candy, a CD of religious music, and some bootleg DVDs of Ethiopian movies! They spent a few minutes talking and looking at the goodies, and then birth mom pulled out her photo album and we all looked at pictures of the children and their family members. We took photos of all the photos for the kids to have in the future. Then Elsa told the children to go outside and play so the adults could talk.
What we learned from our conversation, in addition to more info from the court files and the children, was this: the kids' father was named Yeneneh. He was blind. However, his family had enough money to get him the accommodations he needed to finish college. He had a degree and was a social worker for the Ethiopian government. Worke was a high school graduate. They married and had Tinsaye and Solomon and then Worke developed a heart condition. Although her health was poor, they felt okay because they were a middle class family and Yeneneh could take care of them all. Tinsaye was in public school and Solomon was in a private boys school. They were Christians and went every week to the local Ethiopian Orthodox church. In February 2009 Yeneneh was working in a rural area when he had either a seizure or a stroke. He fell, hit his head, and died a couple days later. In shock and grief, Worke knew that she was not going to be able to care for the kids on her own. There are no social safety nets in Ethiopia: no life insurance, no Social Security. They were immediately evicted from their home and had to move into the hut we were visiting with her sister. Yeneneh's sister and brother told her that they would take Tinsaye because she could help them in their homes cooking and cleaning, but they didn't want Solomon because he wasn't helpful. Her own brother and sister encouraged her to get the kids into Layla House because they could stay together, they could get an education, and they could find an American family to care for them, especially since she could no longer afford the medication the kids needed to keep from developing glaucoma and going blind. She had to make the agonizing decision for the good of her children to relinquish them to an orphanage. They came to Layla House on November 6, 2009. On that very day, halfway across the world, Brian decided, "I don't think this calling is going to go away... let's sign the application to adopt." and we began our journey to them. When we put our stories together and discovered how God pulled us all together in this miraculous way, Worke said, "It is all in His hands and always has been."
About this time I was thinking that there was a very real chance I was going to drown in my own tears from this unbelievably emotional conversation. Right on cue, Tinsaye burst back in the room and said, "Let's have Oreos!" We had brought a box of Oreos with us (we brought TONS of Oreos for the kids at Layla) and we all had a couple and then Tinsaye started handing them out to all the other kids lurking in a clump outside the doorway. It was like Christmas and she got to be Santa Claus! Elsa finally said, "Its time to go, they need the car back at Layla" and we began our goodbyes. We started crying again and Her Highness Lady Tinsaye said very sharply to all the adults, "I say goodbye, but you moms no crying! No more crying from you or you or you Dad!" So we did our best to comply and made our way back to the car. Worke talked to each of the kids individually, hugged them and hugged us and then we were driving away. The kids never cried at all, if you can believe it. I think they did all their crying months earlier and now they were focused on coming to America. We knew they would eventually grieve the loss of their first family, but on this day, they were proud to be seen by everyone driving out of their neighborhood in a car, dressed in their bright new clothes, with their rich American parents.
When we got back to Layla it was lunchtime and we left the kids there for the afternoon. Brian and I went to a nice restaurant alone to be quiet together, to talk about what just happened, to process our feelings, and to recover from all that crying. We were completely drained. After we ate, we went back to the guest house and took a nap before we got the kids again from Layla. We just hung out at the guest house and took it easy for the rest of the day. As intense as this day was, I would never trade the opportunity we had to meet Worke for anything. Her example of unselfish love inspires me daily.
Another beautiful morning in Ethiopia. We were all excited and nervous this morning because we were going to visit Solomon and Tinsaye's birth mom. We ate breakfast with the other families at the guest house and got dressed in nicer clothes. The other moms at the guest house with us could really understand our nervousness because some of them had met birth families too and had varying experiences. One family asked the American family to buy them a car! It's a really complicated experience because most orphaned children in Ethiopia have living family members, they are just unable to care for them due to poverty and/or poor health. Ethiopian children are treasured by their families and it is a difficult decision for a family to relinquish their children, but they know that the life they are giving their children by giving them up holds infinitely more possibility than anything they could provide them in Ethiopia.
We walked to Layla House and the social worker, Elsa, met us there. Elsa came with us to facilitate the visit by translating for us and making sure the kids understood that it was a final visit. Solomon, Tinsaye, Brian, Elsa, and I got in the car with the driver, Sahid, and we left. I knew the kids had grown up in Addis, but for some reason I thought it would be a long drive. It was only about 10 minutes away from the orphanage. We started out on paved main roads with sidewalks and medians, then turned onto a paved narrow road, then onto a dirt road, and finally onto a deeply rutted track full of people and animals and other cars and surrounded on all sides by tiny houses and stores constructed of mud, dung, tin, wood, plastic... pretty much any building material you can imagine. As soon as we turned down this street, every person was staring at us and children started yelling, "Solomon! Solomon!", waving to him and Tinsaye in the car and running ahead of us (which wasn't hard to do since the road was so horrible we were only going about 3 miles per hour). Tinsaye started giving Sahid directions and told him where to stop. We got out of the car and I felt like I was in the middle of a PBS documentary on African poverty. I also felt huge and shockingly white and really REALLY wished I had had my last hepatitis vaccine as we walked past open cookfires, through a rusted tin gate, over dirt and rocks, into a small courtyard for several tiny huts. Two women came out (alerted by the band of children shrieking "Solomon") and the kids ran to them in a huge embrace. It was their birth mom, Worke, and her sister. Then birth mom turned to us and we all had an awkward minute of shaking hands, introductions, bowing, and then Brian just bent down and hugged her. Immediately all three of us started crying and Worke kept saying "thank you, thank you, thank you" as tears streamed down all of our faces. Elsa moved things along by saying, "let's all go in the house and we can sit and talk".
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| Solomon and Worke |
So we all crammed into this tiny hut. It was about 12x12 ft square, one door, one window, a big bed along the back wall, a cupboard on another wall, a tiny cookstove in a corner. I was TERRIFIED that she was going to offer us coffee that we NO WAY could drink without getting sick and I was hoping Elsa would intervene on behalf of our wimpy American digestive systems, but she didn't offer us anything. Whew! She had several small gifts for the kids: a Bible, a cross neckace, some candy, a CD of religious music, and some bootleg DVDs of Ethiopian movies! They spent a few minutes talking and looking at the goodies, and then birth mom pulled out her photo album and we all looked at pictures of the children and their family members. We took photos of all the photos for the kids to have in the future. Then Elsa told the children to go outside and play so the adults could talk.
What we learned from our conversation, in addition to more info from the court files and the children, was this: the kids' father was named Yeneneh. He was blind. However, his family had enough money to get him the accommodations he needed to finish college. He had a degree and was a social worker for the Ethiopian government. Worke was a high school graduate. They married and had Tinsaye and Solomon and then Worke developed a heart condition. Although her health was poor, they felt okay because they were a middle class family and Yeneneh could take care of them all. Tinsaye was in public school and Solomon was in a private boys school. They were Christians and went every week to the local Ethiopian Orthodox church. In February 2009 Yeneneh was working in a rural area when he had either a seizure or a stroke. He fell, hit his head, and died a couple days later. In shock and grief, Worke knew that she was not going to be able to care for the kids on her own. There are no social safety nets in Ethiopia: no life insurance, no Social Security. They were immediately evicted from their home and had to move into the hut we were visiting with her sister. Yeneneh's sister and brother told her that they would take Tinsaye because she could help them in their homes cooking and cleaning, but they didn't want Solomon because he wasn't helpful. Her own brother and sister encouraged her to get the kids into Layla House because they could stay together, they could get an education, and they could find an American family to care for them, especially since she could no longer afford the medication the kids needed to keep from developing glaucoma and going blind. She had to make the agonizing decision for the good of her children to relinquish them to an orphanage. They came to Layla House on November 6, 2009. On that very day, halfway across the world, Brian decided, "I don't think this calling is going to go away... let's sign the application to adopt." and we began our journey to them. When we put our stories together and discovered how God pulled us all together in this miraculous way, Worke said, "It is all in His hands and always has been."
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| Tinsaye and Worke |
When we got back to Layla it was lunchtime and we left the kids there for the afternoon. Brian and I went to a nice restaurant alone to be quiet together, to talk about what just happened, to process our feelings, and to recover from all that crying. We were completely drained. After we ate, we went back to the guest house and took a nap before we got the kids again from Layla. We just hung out at the guest house and took it easy for the rest of the day. As intense as this day was, I would never trade the opportunity we had to meet Worke for anything. Her example of unselfish love inspires me daily.
Monday, August 9, 2010
The Story of our Trip Part 3- Tuesday/Wednesday
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| At Layla finding swimsuits |
The kids were in the same class at Layla and we were able to sponsor a field trip for their group to the pool at the Hilton. In addition to us and the 10 or so kids in their class, we were joined by their teacher, the American coordinator Jessica, an American volunteer named Kelsey, and the three other families staying with us at the guest house (three sainted moms traveling alone and six more kids!). All of us staying at the guest house walked to Layla around 9am and the kids were getting ready to go. They have a big tub of swimsuits that they break out for field trips and everyone just finds a suit to wear. We all piled into 2 ancient, filthy, hideous diesel vans and off we went! At the Hilton the kids were really well behaved and absolutely loved swimming. None of them can really swim, so they all just played in the water and had tons of fun.
We all piled back in the vans and were back at Layla in time for lunch. Our family went back to the guest house and had spaghetti- mega yum! We were starving and it tasted so good. Tinsaye and Brian ate about a gallon combined! Brian took the kids back to Layla to play after lunch while I took a nap. It rained in the afternoon as it did every day we were there. When they got back, the kids were thrilled to see me, like they'd been gone for weeks. Dinner was injera and wat at the guest house for the kids and leftover pizza for Brian and I. Kids crashed again around 8:30pm and we did too. That night we woke up in the middle of the night to dogs barking and we heard some horrifying scream/yowl. Probably a hyena. I only slept a few hours. Jet lag caught up to me and my body thought I should be awake.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Woke up (as we did every morning) to the call to prayer from the local mosque and a random rooster. Morning in Addis Ababa is simply gorgeous and we were very excited this morning- it was Embassy Day! We had a big breakfast of scrambled eggs, bread, and ferfer (last night's injera soaked in last night's wat and heated up). The best thing I packed on this trip was three boxes of those new instant Starbucks coffee packets. I poured my bottled water in the little electric hot pot they had in the kitchen and in less than 2 minutes I had perfect American coffee. Everyone in the guest house was going to the U. S. Embassy and Gail (the director of Layla) told us she'd be there to get us at 8am. We were all scrambling around like mad trying to get everyone fed and clean and get all our paperwork in order. Gail showed up at 8, but told us that they notified her that we were rescheduled to 10:30. So we had to just sit around and not let the kids get dirty. Brian found a baseball and bat and taught all the older kids to play. When we were finally able to go, we crammed back into vans and took off. Between anxiety, crazy traffic, and diesel fumes, I was getting motion sickness and felt pretty nauseous by the time we got to the embassy. Then we had to drag the kids across a busy street, through tons of security and metal detectors, show our passports and documents, and I was so stressed out that when we made it through and I saw the photos of President Obama and Secretary of State Clinton on the wall inside, I started crying! Then I was so embarrassed I quit, but that just shows you how overwhelmed I was.
Little did I know, the good times were just beginning. There was nowhere for us to wait so we just had to stand around with the kids in this little walkway near the door and, remember, we weren't alone: there were 5 families from our agency there with us in addition to Gail and Jessica. That was eleven adults and eleven kids (ages 10 months to 13 years) standing in a tiny space, all stressed, bored, hungry, whining. It was pretty desperate. Plus most all the Americans had been sick and I was still feeling queasy and we were all wondering if we could make it out to the bushes to puke. Our 10:30 appointment time was apparently just a suggestion because we waited nearly an hour. They finally called for the Baert family and we walked up to a man behind a bullet-proof window. He made us all swear that we were who we said we were and asked us a couple random questions and gave us a lecture about how they can't know for sure how old the kids are and we were lucky that our homestudy approved us for kids up to age 10 because they might be older. We were properly grateful and we signed a couple more documents in his presence, got a big red envelope from the Ethiopian government full of court documents, and we were done. After all the families finished, it was back through the metal detectors, security, traffic, diesel fumes to the guest house. Whew! The kids went back to Layla for lunch and Brian and I went out to a really nice Chinese restaurant. It was just terrific to sit in a quiet, air conditioned place and relax. I took another nap that afternoon during the rain and Brian and the kids played at Layla and then we all just hung out at the guest house. Again, we crashed by 8:30.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Getting ready for school
Solomon and Tinsaye started a "Jump Start" program at school this week. They go every morning from 9-noon to work with a group of kids and teachers on literacy. They could not wait to start "small school" as they call it, in contrast to "big school" which involves Thomas, Meredith, and the school bus (Solomon asked me hopefully the other day, "school bus have food, like airplane?" Unfortunately, he learned there are no flight attendants serving food on the 2 mile drive to school). Small School was a huge hit for everyone... the kids love the teachers, the school, meeting new kids, and reading and writing every day,Thomas and Meredith love having mom all to themselves for three hours a day, and mom loves the slightly diminished chaos level.
Everyone finished their summer reading club program at the Wixom library this week. You would have thought they won the lottery when Miss Jane, the children's librarian, gave the kids stickers, a fake tattoo, a bookmark, and a crappy inflatable ball from China for reading 8 books. The only problem was that Tinsaye had read like 20 books and got all her junk two weeks ago, Meredith and Solomon both read like 15 books but could never remember to bring their reading logs but skated in this week before the deadline, but Thomas has found excuses to NOT read all summer and had only read about two books, couldn't find his reading log, and suddenly realized that his siblings were getting all this priceless booty and he had nothing. He threw himself on the mercy of Miss Jane (who has known him since he was a chubby little two year old and his dad brought him for story time) and she gave him everything except the inflatable ball and made him promise to come back by Saturday with his log and having finished 8 books. So this week he has raced through 6 more books so he won't break his promise to Miss Jane. If I'd known that sibling rivalry and Miss Jane were so persuasive I wouldn't have wasted my time nagging him all summer to read.
We needed to get Tinsaye's glasses right away, so the kids and I headed to LensCrafters in the mall one afternoon this week. Just when I think we've been everywhere new and we're past the "shock and awe" phase for Tinsaye and Solomon, we end up someplace unfamiliar... like the mall! And not just any mall, Twelve Oaks Mall, shopping mecca. I realized this as I was pulling into the parking lot and thought, "This is not going to be the quick and easy trip that I planned." We went in the closest entrance to LensCrafters, I could see it from the door, but between the door and the store was an astonishing world of American consumerism. The pet store! "You can buy ANIMALS here????? Can we have dog? Maybe just cat? I love she so much!" and I wish I had a photo of Tinsaye's face when she learned that those weren't baby clothes in the pet store, in America some people put clothes on their DOGS! When I managed to drag them all out of there, we passed a nail salon ("why big chairs?") a hair salon (Tinsaye- "me hair need working, we go here too?"), the escalator ("lift! lift! like airport! we go on lift?!?!??"), the children's play area ("play inside? where swings?"), before we finally made it to Lenscrafters. Then I suddenly realized I had four kids who find it impossible to not touch everything they see in a store full of thousands of pairs of breakable glasses. I would have given anything for a roll of duct tape right about then. So after about 5 minutes of trying on glasses wherein a poor frazzled employee tried to help Tinsaye while Solomon put on every pair of women's glasses he could find, Meredith tried to convince me that she REALLY couldn't see well AT ALL and also needed glasses especially these sparkly purple ones, and Thomas The Enforcer kept ripping the frames out of Solomon and Mere's hands and replacing them in the wrong spots, I sent The Enforcer and his minions out to ride the escalator. We managed to find some cute frames for Tinsaye, fill out the paperwork, and pay before they came back in arguing that Mere and Solomon don't listen/Thomas is mean. Getting back to the car was faster, but still required several trips up and down the escalator and another stop at the pet store "to say goodbye my small dog, I love she so much".
Can you see why I'm so exhausted all the time? We do need to go back to the mall and really go through the whole place, or better yet, next time I'll send them with Brian.
Everyone finished their summer reading club program at the Wixom library this week. You would have thought they won the lottery when Miss Jane, the children's librarian, gave the kids stickers, a fake tattoo, a bookmark, and a crappy inflatable ball from China for reading 8 books. The only problem was that Tinsaye had read like 20 books and got all her junk two weeks ago, Meredith and Solomon both read like 15 books but could never remember to bring their reading logs but skated in this week before the deadline, but Thomas has found excuses to NOT read all summer and had only read about two books, couldn't find his reading log, and suddenly realized that his siblings were getting all this priceless booty and he had nothing. He threw himself on the mercy of Miss Jane (who has known him since he was a chubby little two year old and his dad brought him for story time) and she gave him everything except the inflatable ball and made him promise to come back by Saturday with his log and having finished 8 books. So this week he has raced through 6 more books so he won't break his promise to Miss Jane. If I'd known that sibling rivalry and Miss Jane were so persuasive I wouldn't have wasted my time nagging him all summer to read.
We needed to get Tinsaye's glasses right away, so the kids and I headed to LensCrafters in the mall one afternoon this week. Just when I think we've been everywhere new and we're past the "shock and awe" phase for Tinsaye and Solomon, we end up someplace unfamiliar... like the mall! And not just any mall, Twelve Oaks Mall, shopping mecca. I realized this as I was pulling into the parking lot and thought, "This is not going to be the quick and easy trip that I planned." We went in the closest entrance to LensCrafters, I could see it from the door, but between the door and the store was an astonishing world of American consumerism. The pet store! "You can buy ANIMALS here????? Can we have dog? Maybe just cat? I love she so much!" and I wish I had a photo of Tinsaye's face when she learned that those weren't baby clothes in the pet store, in America some people put clothes on their DOGS! When I managed to drag them all out of there, we passed a nail salon ("why big chairs?") a hair salon (Tinsaye- "me hair need working, we go here too?"), the escalator ("lift! lift! like airport! we go on lift?!?!??"), the children's play area ("play inside? where swings?"), before we finally made it to Lenscrafters. Then I suddenly realized I had four kids who find it impossible to not touch everything they see in a store full of thousands of pairs of breakable glasses. I would have given anything for a roll of duct tape right about then. So after about 5 minutes of trying on glasses wherein a poor frazzled employee tried to help Tinsaye while Solomon put on every pair of women's glasses he could find, Meredith tried to convince me that she REALLY couldn't see well AT ALL and also needed glasses especially these sparkly purple ones, and Thomas The Enforcer kept ripping the frames out of Solomon and Mere's hands and replacing them in the wrong spots, I sent The Enforcer and his minions out to ride the escalator. We managed to find some cute frames for Tinsaye, fill out the paperwork, and pay before they came back in arguing that Mere and Solomon don't listen/Thomas is mean. Getting back to the car was faster, but still required several trips up and down the escalator and another stop at the pet store "to say goodbye my small dog, I love she so much".
Can you see why I'm so exhausted all the time? We do need to go back to the mall and really go through the whole place, or better yet, next time I'll send them with Brian.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Medical Update
One thing I haven't written about is what is going on with Solomon and Tinsaye medically. We knew they were in general good health but were diagnosed with a genetic condition called Axenfeld-Riegers Syndrome in Ethiopia. Due to this diagnosis, they were classified a "special needs" adoption. The unknowns about their health history and current condition were pretty scary to Brian and I all along, but we decided that we would just deal with things as they came.
We've spent a LOT of time in doctor's offices in the last seven weeks since they've been home and here's what we've learned:
-both kids are healthy, good height and weight and growth patterns appear normal.
-both kids tested negative for all the scary stuff here in America (HIV, Hepatitis, etc), confirming their negative status from the orphanage
-both kids tested negative for all parasites! Yeah! None of us were looking forward to de-worming treatments!
-both kids had some immunizations in Ethiopia, both had chicken pox at the orphanage, and they only needed a couple immunizations here. They both had a couple immunizations last month, Tinsaye needs one more and Solomon needs a booster and then they are caught up with all immunizations as per American standards.
-their genetic condition caused their teeth to be malformed in utero. Solomon's teeth are pretty good now, he hasn't lost any baby teeth yet, but he is missing several adult teeth that never formed. Tinsaye's teeth are more seriously affected, she is missing many adult teeth and the ones she has are in strange places. Both kids will need major dental stuff done... bridges or implants or something. $$$$$! But in the big scheme of things, teeth are pretty fixable and no big deal.
-The Axenfeld-Riegers syndrome also caused their eyes to be malformed in utero. Although they appeared to have normal vision, they are predisposed to glaucoma and we were really worried about existing damage to the optic nerve. We saw a pediatric ophthalmologist last week and learned that although both kids have higher than normal eye pressures, there is NO optic nerve damage present and the pressures are treatable with daily beta-blocker eye drops. We started them on drops immediately and they go back for a recheck in a month, hopefully the pressures will be reduced then.
-Solomon's vision is 20/50 in his right eye and 20/80 in his left eye, but that is as good as it will get. No glasses or lenses can fix it, it is due to malformation and not correctable. He will be just fine, but he's not going to be able to pursue a career as a sharpshooter for the FBI! Additionally, Solomon has strabismus, or "wandering eye" mostly in his left eye, somewhat in his right. This is correctable with surgery after his pressures are reduced, and mostly cosmetic. We haven't told him he has to have eye surgery yet, not sure how that one's going to go over.
-Tinsaye's vision is about 20/30 in her right eye, but she is legally blind in her left eye. With an extremely powerful lens, it will be 20/400. Again, this is due to malformation and nothing could have changed this. She needs to wear glasses all the time with a clear polycarbonate lens on the right eye to protect it from injury since it is all she has. When she's old enough for contacts, we'll get her a lens for the left to wear with the clear glasses, but until then, she just doesn't really use that eye. She was NOT happy about having to have glasses, until we told her she could get pink frames, and now she is completely jazzed about her new fashion accessory!
We are really happy with most all this news. We are super grateful that we have good insurance and we feel blessed to be able to give them what they need.
We've spent a LOT of time in doctor's offices in the last seven weeks since they've been home and here's what we've learned:
-both kids are healthy, good height and weight and growth patterns appear normal.
-both kids tested negative for all the scary stuff here in America (HIV, Hepatitis, etc), confirming their negative status from the orphanage
-both kids tested negative for all parasites! Yeah! None of us were looking forward to de-worming treatments!
-both kids had some immunizations in Ethiopia, both had chicken pox at the orphanage, and they only needed a couple immunizations here. They both had a couple immunizations last month, Tinsaye needs one more and Solomon needs a booster and then they are caught up with all immunizations as per American standards.
-their genetic condition caused their teeth to be malformed in utero. Solomon's teeth are pretty good now, he hasn't lost any baby teeth yet, but he is missing several adult teeth that never formed. Tinsaye's teeth are more seriously affected, she is missing many adult teeth and the ones she has are in strange places. Both kids will need major dental stuff done... bridges or implants or something. $$$$$! But in the big scheme of things, teeth are pretty fixable and no big deal.
-The Axenfeld-Riegers syndrome also caused their eyes to be malformed in utero. Although they appeared to have normal vision, they are predisposed to glaucoma and we were really worried about existing damage to the optic nerve. We saw a pediatric ophthalmologist last week and learned that although both kids have higher than normal eye pressures, there is NO optic nerve damage present and the pressures are treatable with daily beta-blocker eye drops. We started them on drops immediately and they go back for a recheck in a month, hopefully the pressures will be reduced then.
-Solomon's vision is 20/50 in his right eye and 20/80 in his left eye, but that is as good as it will get. No glasses or lenses can fix it, it is due to malformation and not correctable. He will be just fine, but he's not going to be able to pursue a career as a sharpshooter for the FBI! Additionally, Solomon has strabismus, or "wandering eye" mostly in his left eye, somewhat in his right. This is correctable with surgery after his pressures are reduced, and mostly cosmetic. We haven't told him he has to have eye surgery yet, not sure how that one's going to go over.
-Tinsaye's vision is about 20/30 in her right eye, but she is legally blind in her left eye. With an extremely powerful lens, it will be 20/400. Again, this is due to malformation and nothing could have changed this. She needs to wear glasses all the time with a clear polycarbonate lens on the right eye to protect it from injury since it is all she has. When she's old enough for contacts, we'll get her a lens for the left to wear with the clear glasses, but until then, she just doesn't really use that eye. She was NOT happy about having to have glasses, until we told her she could get pink frames, and now she is completely jazzed about her new fashion accessory!
We are really happy with most all this news. We are super grateful that we have good insurance and we feel blessed to be able to give them what they need.
Friday, July 30, 2010
The Story of our Trip Part 2: Monday
Monday, June 14, 2010 "Gotcha Day"
We were both awake by 5am, excited and totally ready to get the kids! We were rested and fed and really anxious to get on with it. We went for a swim in the pool at 6:30am. It was a beautiful morning and the pool was fed from a natural hot spring so the water was warm and the air was cool and there were clouds of steam hanging in the air. We got dressed, had breakfast, packed everything, checked out, and were waiting in front of the hotel at 9:30am. A van arrived from Layla House with Jessica, one of the American orphanage employees. We loaded all four enormous suitcases and drove off. We went immediately to the Ritmo Guest House where we were going to stay for the rest of our trip. It is a privately owned house that is affiliated with the agency to house American families coming to get their children from Layla. It was only a 10 minute walk to the orphanage from the Ritmo guesthouse. The Ritmo, like most homes in Addis, sits within a walled compound. A guard opens and closes the gates, there's razor wire on top. The actual house has several large bedrooms, several bathrooms, a common living room and kitchen, plus another smaller building behind the main house which holds another two bedrooms and bathroom as well as quarters for the guard and other employees. We stayed in this smaller building which worked out perfect for our family. We had a bedroom for Brian and I, a bedroom with bunk beds for the kids, and a bathroom to ourselves. It was private and quiet (mostly, more on that later!). So we dragged all our bags into our rooms and turned around and immediately drove to Layla. Brian handed his precious video camera to Jessica as we drove up so she could get footage and we could focus on meeting the kids. The driver pulled up to the gates, honked his horn, the gates opened, and we immediately saw Tinsaye peeking around the corner waiting for us! As soon as she saw us drive in, she screamed and ran away! When the driver stopped we jumped out of the van and she came running back. She threw her arms around me screaming "Mama, mama, mama!!!" Then she jumped on Brian the same way. When we all disentangled ourselves from the hug-fest, we said, "Where's Solomon?". She turned on her heel and started screaming, "Solomon! Solomon!" and ran back in through the maze of buildings that comprised the orphanage. Jessica turned off the camera and helped us navigate our way into the compound. Most all the other children were in class, so it was pretty deserted, and Solomon came shyly out of a building, being dragged by his screaming sister. He was quiet and shy, but gave us big hugs and high fives. They took us to their rooms and showed us all their belongings, which consisted of the photos we had sent them, some letters and photos from friends that had gone to America, a Bible, and their school notebooks. [Think for a moment what would happen if you asked a typical American child to show you ALL of their belongings.] They showed us their beds, one of 10 or so steel bunks, boys and girls in alternating rooms.
They were very excited to go to the guest house, so we left with them on foot after about 30 minutes at Layla. The guest house was thrilling to them, this was the closest thing they'd ever had to a vacation. When we got in our rooms we gave them their backpacks full of goodies from America. They could hardly take it all in. It was just like opening presents on Christmas morning. Every item was analyzed and celebrated with joy and awe, from a digital camera to a matchbox car to a new box of crayons to hair ties. Tinsaye said, "Me have clothes too?" and sure enough, she had an entire suitcase of perfect, bright, clean American clothes. She put everything on, took it all off, put it all on again, dancing around in everything. While she was having a fashion show, Solomon was completely focused on his tiny digital camera. He took about 300 photos in the first hour.
They changed into new clothes (the clothes they were wearing belonged to the orphanage and needed to be returned) and packed everything into their backpacks and we went back to Layla for lunch. When we got there the other children were out of class and came crowding around us to see us, touch us, and look at all the goodies in Solomon and Tinsaye's new backpacks. We went in to the dining hall which had a huge map of America on the wall. The other kids dragged us over to the map and showed us where Michigan was (to let us know that they all knew where Solomon and Tinsaye were going) and then started showing us where THEIR families were. Many kids didn't have families yet and they showed us where their friends' families were. Every child there had a better understanding of American geography than most American kids their ages!
Lunch was injera (bread) and miser wat (spicy lentil stew). All the kids said a prayer, then served themselves cafeteria-style from huge dishes at the front of the room. [Can you imagine American kids as young as 5 or 6 serving themselves bread and stew, carrying the plates to a table, eating, and cleaning up after themselves? Without whining or asking someone for a juice box and a Gogurt?] One little girl was a good friend of Tinsaye and she started crying during lunch. She was sad that Tinsaye was leaving her. As soon as the tears started, all of the other children immediately hugged her or moved closer to her. Several kids started playing games or making jokes to cheer her up. It was very clear that these kids were a family to each other and they had developed ways to help one another through times of sadness. During lunch, all the teachers sat together at one table. We spoke to Solomon and Tinsaye's teacher and he told us, "they are both genious, so smart, Solomon especially so quick". Every parent loves to hear that!
When lunch was finished the other kids went back to class and the four of us returned to the guest house. It felt a little weird to just sit around with them. I kind of wanted to inspect them like you would your newborn baby... really feeling their toes and fingers, feeling their hair, inspecting everything, but they were totally PEOPLE not little blobby babies and they were actually strangers to me, so it seemed inappropriate. Plus I wanted to scrub them for about an hour to get them really clean and inspect them for lice, but again, I wasn't feeling like that was exact;y okay. I did check for lice (I am a teacher and I know lice when I see them!)- all clear, hallelujah! When I asked if Tinsaye wanted to take a shower, she said "Yes! I love shower!" and she ripped all her clothes off immediately, so I took that as a good sign that she was feeling comfortable with me. Unfortunately, there was no light in the bathroom and only a very small, covered window, so I couldn't exactly tell if she was getting clean or not in the near blackness! Solomon was much less enthusiastic about his shower, but Tinsaye yelled at him in Amharic and he reluctantly put down his camera and took his clothes off too. We spent most of the rest of the afternoon looking at the stuff in their backpacks and getting to know the other American families at the guest house.
For dinner we walked to a American-style restaurant and ordered pizza, but it turned out that Tinsaye hates pizza (even though she claimed to love it). She talked her dad into a huge piece of chocolate cake in lieu of actual food. We started walking home and realized it was getting dark very quickly. I didn't want to be out after dark and the kids started getting very nervous and walking faster. By the time we got to our street we were practically running! We made it back fine and were really ready to put on PJs and hit the sack. The kids climbed into their beds, said their prayers and were asleep immediately. We did the same. It was a REALLY exhausting, amazing, wonderful day.
We were both awake by 5am, excited and totally ready to get the kids! We were rested and fed and really anxious to get on with it. We went for a swim in the pool at 6:30am. It was a beautiful morning and the pool was fed from a natural hot spring so the water was warm and the air was cool and there were clouds of steam hanging in the air. We got dressed, had breakfast, packed everything, checked out, and were waiting in front of the hotel at 9:30am. A van arrived from Layla House with Jessica, one of the American orphanage employees. We loaded all four enormous suitcases and drove off. We went immediately to the Ritmo Guest House where we were going to stay for the rest of our trip. It is a privately owned house that is affiliated with the agency to house American families coming to get their children from Layla. It was only a 10 minute walk to the orphanage from the Ritmo guesthouse. The Ritmo, like most homes in Addis, sits within a walled compound. A guard opens and closes the gates, there's razor wire on top. The actual house has several large bedrooms, several bathrooms, a common living room and kitchen, plus another smaller building behind the main house which holds another two bedrooms and bathroom as well as quarters for the guard and other employees. We stayed in this smaller building which worked out perfect for our family. We had a bedroom for Brian and I, a bedroom with bunk beds for the kids, and a bathroom to ourselves. It was private and quiet (mostly, more on that later!). So we dragged all our bags into our rooms and turned around and immediately drove to Layla. Brian handed his precious video camera to Jessica as we drove up so she could get footage and we could focus on meeting the kids. The driver pulled up to the gates, honked his horn, the gates opened, and we immediately saw Tinsaye peeking around the corner waiting for us! As soon as she saw us drive in, she screamed and ran away! When the driver stopped we jumped out of the van and she came running back. She threw her arms around me screaming "Mama, mama, mama!!!" Then she jumped on Brian the same way. When we all disentangled ourselves from the hug-fest, we said, "Where's Solomon?". She turned on her heel and started screaming, "Solomon! Solomon!" and ran back in through the maze of buildings that comprised the orphanage. Jessica turned off the camera and helped us navigate our way into the compound. Most all the other children were in class, so it was pretty deserted, and Solomon came shyly out of a building, being dragged by his screaming sister. He was quiet and shy, but gave us big hugs and high fives. They took us to their rooms and showed us all their belongings, which consisted of the photos we had sent them, some letters and photos from friends that had gone to America, a Bible, and their school notebooks. [Think for a moment what would happen if you asked a typical American child to show you ALL of their belongings.] They showed us their beds, one of 10 or so steel bunks, boys and girls in alternating rooms.
They were very excited to go to the guest house, so we left with them on foot after about 30 minutes at Layla. The guest house was thrilling to them, this was the closest thing they'd ever had to a vacation. When we got in our rooms we gave them their backpacks full of goodies from America. They could hardly take it all in. It was just like opening presents on Christmas morning. Every item was analyzed and celebrated with joy and awe, from a digital camera to a matchbox car to a new box of crayons to hair ties. Tinsaye said, "Me have clothes too?" and sure enough, she had an entire suitcase of perfect, bright, clean American clothes. She put everything on, took it all off, put it all on again, dancing around in everything. While she was having a fashion show, Solomon was completely focused on his tiny digital camera. He took about 300 photos in the first hour.
They changed into new clothes (the clothes they were wearing belonged to the orphanage and needed to be returned) and packed everything into their backpacks and we went back to Layla for lunch. When we got there the other children were out of class and came crowding around us to see us, touch us, and look at all the goodies in Solomon and Tinsaye's new backpacks. We went in to the dining hall which had a huge map of America on the wall. The other kids dragged us over to the map and showed us where Michigan was (to let us know that they all knew where Solomon and Tinsaye were going) and then started showing us where THEIR families were. Many kids didn't have families yet and they showed us where their friends' families were. Every child there had a better understanding of American geography than most American kids their ages!
Lunch was injera (bread) and miser wat (spicy lentil stew). All the kids said a prayer, then served themselves cafeteria-style from huge dishes at the front of the room. [Can you imagine American kids as young as 5 or 6 serving themselves bread and stew, carrying the plates to a table, eating, and cleaning up after themselves? Without whining or asking someone for a juice box and a Gogurt?] One little girl was a good friend of Tinsaye and she started crying during lunch. She was sad that Tinsaye was leaving her. As soon as the tears started, all of the other children immediately hugged her or moved closer to her. Several kids started playing games or making jokes to cheer her up. It was very clear that these kids were a family to each other and they had developed ways to help one another through times of sadness. During lunch, all the teachers sat together at one table. We spoke to Solomon and Tinsaye's teacher and he told us, "they are both genious, so smart, Solomon especially so quick". Every parent loves to hear that!
When lunch was finished the other kids went back to class and the four of us returned to the guest house. It felt a little weird to just sit around with them. I kind of wanted to inspect them like you would your newborn baby... really feeling their toes and fingers, feeling their hair, inspecting everything, but they were totally PEOPLE not little blobby babies and they were actually strangers to me, so it seemed inappropriate. Plus I wanted to scrub them for about an hour to get them really clean and inspect them for lice, but again, I wasn't feeling like that was exact;y okay. I did check for lice (I am a teacher and I know lice when I see them!)- all clear, hallelujah! When I asked if Tinsaye wanted to take a shower, she said "Yes! I love shower!" and she ripped all her clothes off immediately, so I took that as a good sign that she was feeling comfortable with me. Unfortunately, there was no light in the bathroom and only a very small, covered window, so I couldn't exactly tell if she was getting clean or not in the near blackness! Solomon was much less enthusiastic about his shower, but Tinsaye yelled at him in Amharic and he reluctantly put down his camera and took his clothes off too. We spent most of the rest of the afternoon looking at the stuff in their backpacks and getting to know the other American families at the guest house.
For dinner we walked to a American-style restaurant and ordered pizza, but it turned out that Tinsaye hates pizza (even though she claimed to love it). She talked her dad into a huge piece of chocolate cake in lieu of actual food. We started walking home and realized it was getting dark very quickly. I didn't want to be out after dark and the kids started getting very nervous and walking faster. By the time we got to our street we were practically running! We made it back fine and were really ready to put on PJs and hit the sack. The kids climbed into their beds, said their prayers and were asleep immediately. We did the same. It was a REALLY exhausting, amazing, wonderful day.
Monday, July 19, 2010
We now interrupt this story...
... with a short list of things we've learned in the last few days:
Solomon learned to ride his bike without training wheels, that it is okay to let go of the side of the pool, that we really do have to do school work every day.
Tinsaye learned how to swim! Truly! By herself. And had the unimaginable courage to jump off the 3 meter diving board. She also learned that even though it is hard to make friends in a strange place, she can do it and we will all be here to love her no matter what.
Thomas learned that too many sleepovers in one week leads to compromised sleep and poor decision-making ability, especially decisions related to nominating yourself "The Enforcer" and trying to discipline your siblings.
Meredith learned that getting your ears pierced hardly hurts at all, gets you a free date to the mall with mom, and garners lots of attention from lots of people.
Dad learned that Mom really needed Date Night!
Mom learned that Solomon and Tinsaye know their multiplication tables (!), that they used to get popsicles from their birth mom when they were sick, that everyone will eat pork roast and mashed potatoes, that when our four kids go out in the yard to play soccer 10 more neighborhood kids magically appear, and that every week things are a little easier.
Solomon learned to ride his bike without training wheels, that it is okay to let go of the side of the pool, that we really do have to do school work every day.
Tinsaye learned how to swim! Truly! By herself. And had the unimaginable courage to jump off the 3 meter diving board. She also learned that even though it is hard to make friends in a strange place, she can do it and we will all be here to love her no matter what.
Thomas learned that too many sleepovers in one week leads to compromised sleep and poor decision-making ability, especially decisions related to nominating yourself "The Enforcer" and trying to discipline your siblings.
Meredith learned that getting your ears pierced hardly hurts at all, gets you a free date to the mall with mom, and garners lots of attention from lots of people.
Dad learned that Mom really needed Date Night!
Mom learned that Solomon and Tinsaye know their multiplication tables (!), that they used to get popsicles from their birth mom when they were sick, that everyone will eat pork roast and mashed potatoes, that when our four kids go out in the yard to play soccer 10 more neighborhood kids magically appear, and that every week things are a little easier.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
The Story of our Trip- Part 1
I realized I never went back to write about our trip to Ethiopia. Things just kind of took off around here and there wasn't any time to look backwards. But since I'm awake at 4am (again) now seems like the time!
Friday, June 11-Saturday June 12:
Brian's parents drove us to the airport on Friday afternoon, we checked in for our flight, went through security, then had 3 hours to sit around. We had a nice dinner and tried to not be nervous. We were on a 6:30pm flight out of Detroit to Frankfort and the plane was packed full of Muslim and Chaldean families traveling to the Middle East via Frankfort. Many, many screaming babies and obnoxious little kids. Not a great flight. But Lufthansa is amazing! They kept bringing us food and drinks and asking if there was anything else we wanted! Astonishing. The sun was rising as we flew over Europe and we saw the green hills of Ireland and the English Channel. We landed in Frankfort at 8:30am local time. We had to go through security again, but had plenty of time to get to our next flight from Frankfort to Addis Ababa. This time the plane was half empty and we were able to spread out to empty seats and sleep. When I woke up and looked out the window, we were flying over the Sahara desert. Three hours later, we were still flying over the Sahara desert. It's a whole lot of nothing but sand. Then we saw the Nile River. Very cool. We landed in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia at 7pm local time, got our visas, went through immigration/customs, found our bags, went through security, found a shuttle to the Hilton, got checked in, ate a meal in the hotel restaurant, and were asleep in our bed by 10pm. Everything went smoothly, no glitches, and we were really grateful for safe flights, good food, and a western hotel.
Sunday, June 13:
We were awake early (kind of a theme for the trip, our bodies had no idea what time it was and kept wanting to be awake or asleep at the wrong time) and enjoyed a beautiful morning. We were on the 8th floor and our balcony overlooked the city, so we sat there watching the city come to life and trying to get our minds around the fact that we were on the other side of the world. Addis is at 8,000 feet above sea level, so the temps are moderate. It was always low 70s while we were there, cooler at night. We really noticed the altitude: one lap in the pool or one flight of stairs and we were winded. We spent the day in the hotel just relaxing. It was perfect. We had a fantastic brunch buffet, took naps, walked around the hotel, and just enjoyed our last day alone. We also left the hotel and went for a short walk around the city. This was our first chance to really see Addis. To my American eyes it was pretty awful. People were everywhere, walking, standing, laying on the streets, sleeping under tarps, cooking food over open fires, begging, talking, just standing around. In America, people are isolated by our cars and houses. If you're outside on a street, you are going somewhere. In Ethiopia, people were just spending their days on the street. The air smelled strange to us too: a spicy, smoky mix of people, fires, animals, and food. And of course, complete poverty. Two boys came up to us and said in English, "We are hungry, we don't have a family". They walked along with us for a while, then gave up. I was very overwhelmed by all of this and couldn't wait to get back the the hotel. Brian was fascinated and would have walked around all day. We went to bed early and tried to sleep, knowing that the next morning we'd go meet the kids.
Next post... Gotcha Day!
Friday, June 11-Saturday June 12:
Brian's parents drove us to the airport on Friday afternoon, we checked in for our flight, went through security, then had 3 hours to sit around. We had a nice dinner and tried to not be nervous. We were on a 6:30pm flight out of Detroit to Frankfort and the plane was packed full of Muslim and Chaldean families traveling to the Middle East via Frankfort. Many, many screaming babies and obnoxious little kids. Not a great flight. But Lufthansa is amazing! They kept bringing us food and drinks and asking if there was anything else we wanted! Astonishing. The sun was rising as we flew over Europe and we saw the green hills of Ireland and the English Channel. We landed in Frankfort at 8:30am local time. We had to go through security again, but had plenty of time to get to our next flight from Frankfort to Addis Ababa. This time the plane was half empty and we were able to spread out to empty seats and sleep. When I woke up and looked out the window, we were flying over the Sahara desert. Three hours later, we were still flying over the Sahara desert. It's a whole lot of nothing but sand. Then we saw the Nile River. Very cool. We landed in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia at 7pm local time, got our visas, went through immigration/customs, found our bags, went through security, found a shuttle to the Hilton, got checked in, ate a meal in the hotel restaurant, and were asleep in our bed by 10pm. Everything went smoothly, no glitches, and we were really grateful for safe flights, good food, and a western hotel.
Sunday, June 13:
We were awake early (kind of a theme for the trip, our bodies had no idea what time it was and kept wanting to be awake or asleep at the wrong time) and enjoyed a beautiful morning. We were on the 8th floor and our balcony overlooked the city, so we sat there watching the city come to life and trying to get our minds around the fact that we were on the other side of the world. Addis is at 8,000 feet above sea level, so the temps are moderate. It was always low 70s while we were there, cooler at night. We really noticed the altitude: one lap in the pool or one flight of stairs and we were winded. We spent the day in the hotel just relaxing. It was perfect. We had a fantastic brunch buffet, took naps, walked around the hotel, and just enjoyed our last day alone. We also left the hotel and went for a short walk around the city. This was our first chance to really see Addis. To my American eyes it was pretty awful. People were everywhere, walking, standing, laying on the streets, sleeping under tarps, cooking food over open fires, begging, talking, just standing around. In America, people are isolated by our cars and houses. If you're outside on a street, you are going somewhere. In Ethiopia, people were just spending their days on the street. The air smelled strange to us too: a spicy, smoky mix of people, fires, animals, and food. And of course, complete poverty. Two boys came up to us and said in English, "We are hungry, we don't have a family". They walked along with us for a while, then gave up. I was very overwhelmed by all of this and couldn't wait to get back the the hotel. Brian was fascinated and would have walked around all day. We went to bed early and tried to sleep, knowing that the next morning we'd go meet the kids.
Next post... Gotcha Day!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Summer photos
Just in case you are thinking after my last post, "she's losing it", I'm okay and we're having lots of fun along with the drama/trauma. Here's the photographic evidence.
Ice cream really does make everything better.
Water balloons help too!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Phase Two
We've been home nearly four weeks now and the kids have pretty much figured out how things work (like the TV remote, the sliding glass door, the dishwasher, the sprinkler system, the automatic car doors, moon sand, bike helmets, the shower, and virtually everything else in their new American universe). They are also pretty certain that we won't leave them or send them back and have really developed fairly strong attachments to us. Sometimes their attachment to me is so strong I think I may be crushed to death. "Mom..." precedes every word out of their mouths. If they want me to look at something amazing they've discovered (like, say, everything) they need to say "Mom, see" at least three times. If they come in from outside, they immediately say, "mom, mom, mom, mom..." infinitely until I respond, even if I'm upstairs. Thomas and Meredith aren't much different and now they need to work twice as hard to get my attention, so it seems like they say "mom" as much as Tinsaye and Solomon. One day last week it was lunchtime and I had already heard "mom" about 20 million times and I thought my ears would melt right off my head. I said, "Okay guys, I can't take it anymore. No one is allowed to say "mom" or ask for me for the next 10 minutes." It suddenly got eerily silent and (I was actually counting) after 9 seconds a tiny voice said, "...mom...?"
Okay, so they love me. Awesome. That means that they feel secure enough to move into Phase Two, which is characterized by a super fun game called "I wonder what she'll do if I __________?" and every 20 minutes or so there's a new activity to fill in the blank. For example, "I wonder what she'll do if I:
-refuse to get out of the pool?
-refuse to eat my lunch?
-refuse to do my math worksheet?
-pretend I don't hear her?
-pretend I didn't understand her English when she told me no?
-sneak off to the basement and watch TV on after I've been told to turn it off?
-ride my bicycle up to the front of the neighborhood alone without asking?
-cover my wall with stickers?
-take my sister's/brother's favorite whatever?
-ask one more time for something she's already told me NO 3 times?
-lay on the floor and cry?
-climb in her lap and cry?
-sit at the table and cry?
So far they've learned that I will drag them out of the pool, take away their lunch, make them do extra math, hide the TV remote, lock up the bike, make them clean the walls, make them apologize, continue to say no, and hold them when they cry. I am REALLY tired now and we are going through a LOT of kleenex. As exhausting as it is for me (physically, mentally and emotionally), I know we are making lots of progress. I'm just glad I'm a professional educator and experienced parent. I've had over 3,000 students try all this manipulative crap on me for the last 17 years and I don't fall for it. I've also had 10 years of experience as a mom and I can dish up plenty of love along with the discipline. But seriously, this is really hard work.
Okay, so they love me. Awesome. That means that they feel secure enough to move into Phase Two, which is characterized by a super fun game called "I wonder what she'll do if I __________?" and every 20 minutes or so there's a new activity to fill in the blank. For example, "I wonder what she'll do if I:
-refuse to get out of the pool?
-refuse to eat my lunch?
-refuse to do my math worksheet?
-pretend I don't hear her?
-pretend I didn't understand her English when she told me no?
-sneak off to the basement and watch TV on after I've been told to turn it off?
-ride my bicycle up to the front of the neighborhood alone without asking?
-cover my wall with stickers?
-take my sister's/brother's favorite whatever?
-ask one more time for something she's already told me NO 3 times?
-lay on the floor and cry?
-climb in her lap and cry?
-sit at the table and cry?
So far they've learned that I will drag them out of the pool, take away their lunch, make them do extra math, hide the TV remote, lock up the bike, make them clean the walls, make them apologize, continue to say no, and hold them when they cry. I am REALLY tired now and we are going through a LOT of kleenex. As exhausting as it is for me (physically, mentally and emotionally), I know we are making lots of progress. I'm just glad I'm a professional educator and experienced parent. I've had over 3,000 students try all this manipulative crap on me for the last 17 years and I don't fall for it. I've also had 10 years of experience as a mom and I can dish up plenty of love along with the discipline. But seriously, this is really hard work.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Life in the Sideshow
Before the kids came home, I used to think "I am totally okay with people staring at our family everywhere we go. I am proud to have an unusual family and I welcome the opportunity to help people see the beauty of diversity."
I now see that I was a tiny bit naive.
It's actually kind of crappy to have people stare at you everywhere you go. I just want to run into Target, get a couple things and get out, but now we all pile out of the van and the sideshow begins. It was a really bad sign when the checkout lady at Target said to us yesterday, "Hi guys! I remember you!" Sometimes people stare because we are black and white, but a lot of times they are staring because the kids are going four different directions while I frantically yell "stay together, don't touch that, we're not buying that, Meredith hustle, put it down, watch where you're going, keep your hands off your sister, pick up your shoe, we have that at home, Meredith walk faster, yes that's amazing, I told you to put it down, here's a tissue, okay fine just one, Meredith where are you now?". So in reality, they are actually staring at me and thinking one of several things:
a. That poor woman. (look of pity)
b. That woman is a saint. (benign smile)
c. That woman is an idiot. (look of skepticism and scorn)
d. How did she do that? (look of concentration as they figure ages, races, potential fathers)
Now I think that I will get better at managing the kids as we maneuver in public places. Also, the new kids won't spend so much time looking at/ touching EVERYTHING in their environment. Meredith may someday move faster. Before long, they will be old enough to stay home while I run to Target. Right now, however, we are the spectacle of the day for anyone in the vicinity.
I now see that I was a tiny bit naive.
It's actually kind of crappy to have people stare at you everywhere you go. I just want to run into Target, get a couple things and get out, but now we all pile out of the van and the sideshow begins. It was a really bad sign when the checkout lady at Target said to us yesterday, "Hi guys! I remember you!" Sometimes people stare because we are black and white, but a lot of times they are staring because the kids are going four different directions while I frantically yell "stay together, don't touch that, we're not buying that, Meredith hustle, put it down, watch where you're going, keep your hands off your sister, pick up your shoe, we have that at home, Meredith walk faster, yes that's amazing, I told you to put it down, here's a tissue, okay fine just one, Meredith where are you now?". So in reality, they are actually staring at me and thinking one of several things:
a. That poor woman. (look of pity)
b. That woman is a saint. (benign smile)
c. That woman is an idiot. (look of skepticism and scorn)
d. How did she do that? (look of concentration as they figure ages, races, potential fathers)
Now I think that I will get better at managing the kids as we maneuver in public places. Also, the new kids won't spend so much time looking at/ touching EVERYTHING in their environment. Meredith may someday move faster. Before long, they will be old enough to stay home while I run to Target. Right now, however, we are the spectacle of the day for anyone in the vicinity.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
The First Week Home
Things are going along great, but you know, I'm not sure I realized how much WORK this was going to be! Like physically exhausting work. All day I'm fixing and holding and hugging and redirecting and cleaning and wiping and lifting and tying and flushing and blowing and rocking. A great post-adoption parenting resource I have says to imagine the new kids are just like toddlers. Everything in their world is brand new and needs to be explored and learned about the same way a 2- or 3-year-old does. For example, Tinsaye came up to the glass storm door and put her sticky hands on it while she was looking out (of course, it was freshly cleaned). I had to show her how she made prints all over it by doing that, which she thought was really cool and then had to try it again. I had to explain how that's not what we do. She was fine with that, but that little moment happens about every 3 minutes all day long. They need to learn every single "rule" we have in our culture just like a toddler does and I can't get mad or frustrated that they don't know how it's supposed to be or even that it takes them more than one "lesson" to learn and remember it. And then I have to clean the glass again (or more likely just leave it and wait for Brian to complain about how it appears we now live in a crack house). The other piece of this is that by the end of the day they have been told "no" so many times that they are tired of hearing it, very frustrated, and as exhausted as I am (just like a toddler). We haven't had any temper tantrums yet, but I can see them coming.
Getting everyone to bed seems to be a Herculean task these days. Everyone is filthy and sweaty from playing outside all day so that means four showers. Solomon always negotiates desperately (and unsuccessfully) for "small wash" (meaning splash water on his face and call it good), Tinsaye would prefer to take three 45-minute showers everyday, using every body wash, scrub, and lotion we own. Thomas hopes he can stay under the radar by taking a quick shower with no supervision, so God only knows if he's actually clean. And remember Meredith, the Slowest Child in America? Yeah. Still is. And then they all need a snack, which means Thomas and Solomon eat everything in sight, Tinsaye whines that she "no like" everything offered except ice cream, and Meredith literally made herself sick on Moon Pies that Aunt Mandy bought her. All this excitement is followed by tooth brushing (four at a time, spit everywhere and Solomon manages to fling water all over himself, his siblings, and the entire bathroom), and prayers which means everyone piles on the boys beds without shoving. The GREAT news is that everyone falls asleep immediately and for at least 10 hours. Brian and I try to sit and reconnect, but we both just fall asleep sitting up, so we've given up and just go to bed.
Sound like sheer misery? Remarkably, it's not! All the tough stuff is also intermixed with moments of wonder. A car wash? "Vat ees zees? So noisy!" The playground at their school. Fountains in a pond. Speed limit signs... "we go 50 now mama? So fast!" Magic doors that open on their own, magic money that somehow comes out of the plastic card in mom's wallet, cold water, hot water, an entire aisle of Barbie dolls, tiny boxes full of photos and movies and music (aka iPods). Peeing in a cup at the doctors, elevators (lifts, remember how they think they're British?), talking into a box and someone hands you food out the window at McDonalds. The list is endless. Can you even imagine how much they are trying to absorb in a single day?
Solomon needed more batteries for his little camera that my friend Deb gave him that NEVER leaves his side. He literally sleeps with it. When the batteries died in his imagination it became a cell phone and now he hold it up to his head and chatters away in Amharic to some real or imagined person. It's hilarious. Anyway, we found a package of 20 AA's at Target and I said, "here, Bud, these will work". He looked at them, counted them all, and looked up at me in wonder and said "Twenty? For me?" "Sure, honey, for your camera", I replied. Tears of joy sprang to his eyes and he grabbed my legs in a huge hug and said, "Thank you Mama" as if I had given him his dearest wish. I am so blessed to have these exhausting days also filled with moments like this, where joy is so visible and so pure.
Getting everyone to bed seems to be a Herculean task these days. Everyone is filthy and sweaty from playing outside all day so that means four showers. Solomon always negotiates desperately (and unsuccessfully) for "small wash" (meaning splash water on his face and call it good), Tinsaye would prefer to take three 45-minute showers everyday, using every body wash, scrub, and lotion we own. Thomas hopes he can stay under the radar by taking a quick shower with no supervision, so God only knows if he's actually clean. And remember Meredith, the Slowest Child in America? Yeah. Still is. And then they all need a snack, which means Thomas and Solomon eat everything in sight, Tinsaye whines that she "no like" everything offered except ice cream, and Meredith literally made herself sick on Moon Pies that Aunt Mandy bought her. All this excitement is followed by tooth brushing (four at a time, spit everywhere and Solomon manages to fling water all over himself, his siblings, and the entire bathroom), and prayers which means everyone piles on the boys beds without shoving. The GREAT news is that everyone falls asleep immediately and for at least 10 hours. Brian and I try to sit and reconnect, but we both just fall asleep sitting up, so we've given up and just go to bed.
Sound like sheer misery? Remarkably, it's not! All the tough stuff is also intermixed with moments of wonder. A car wash? "Vat ees zees? So noisy!" The playground at their school. Fountains in a pond. Speed limit signs... "we go 50 now mama? So fast!" Magic doors that open on their own, magic money that somehow comes out of the plastic card in mom's wallet, cold water, hot water, an entire aisle of Barbie dolls, tiny boxes full of photos and movies and music (aka iPods). Peeing in a cup at the doctors, elevators (lifts, remember how they think they're British?), talking into a box and someone hands you food out the window at McDonalds. The list is endless. Can you even imagine how much they are trying to absorb in a single day?
Solomon needed more batteries for his little camera that my friend Deb gave him that NEVER leaves his side. He literally sleeps with it. When the batteries died in his imagination it became a cell phone and now he hold it up to his head and chatters away in Amharic to some real or imagined person. It's hilarious. Anyway, we found a package of 20 AA's at Target and I said, "here, Bud, these will work". He looked at them, counted them all, and looked up at me in wonder and said "Twenty? For me?" "Sure, honey, for your camera", I replied. Tears of joy sprang to his eyes and he grabbed my legs in a huge hug and said, "Thank you Mama" as if I had given him his dearest wish. I am so blessed to have these exhausting days also filled with moments like this, where joy is so visible and so pure.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Welcome Home Video
Brian put together this short music video to capture the essence of our trip. It is awesome, but WARNING, you will definitely need tissues! We cannot be held responsible for damage to your computer caused by excessive snot and/or tears running all over your hard drive!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V73J01ASSio
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V73J01ASSio
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Settling In
So I know everyone is dying to hear about stuff... unfortunately I now have four kids. It worked out crappy that way. So I'll give it my best shot, but be warned, I may need to cut this (or any) post short and pick back up in a day or two.
We are all doing just great at home now. Tinsaye and Solomon are eating and sleeping really well. Solomon eats like he does everything: full bore, nonstop, intense and stay out of his way. Yesterday for lunch he ate: three pieces of pizza, a banana, an avocado, three tubes of Gogurt, a glass of juice, a glass of milk, at least two glasses of water, and he would have kept going if I hadn't removed him physically from the table. Unfortunately, about 20% of all that food wound up on him, the chair, and the floor. Using a fork is still a relatively new concept for him, since traditional Ethiopian food is mostly always served on injera flat bread and the bread is the utensil, you just shovel it into your mouth. The second Solomon realizes the meal is over, he says, "Lunch finished? Go bicycle now?" and regardless of the answer he is out the door. The only good thing is that he actually thinks the garage door is magic and we've neglected to tell him how to open it, so he can't get his bicycle into the street if we keep it down. And of course, as I mentioned in the previous post, he does not know how to ride his bicycle. When he's not perseverating on his bike, he's playing soccer with the crew of 10 year old neighborhood boys who are in awe of his amazing soccer prowess. When he's finally in bed at the end of the day, he is completely asleep in about 30 seconds. As soon as his eyes open in the morning he says, "Sleep finished. Go bicycle?"
Tinsaye is much more sophisticated and ladylike in her meal routine. She takes everything we give her, cuts it all up into tiny pieces, smooshes it all together and eats it in a "sandwich" of wheat bread, which is mostly scooped up like injera. She is pickier that Solomon and frequently doesn't want to try new things, refusing to even have them on her plate and whining dramatically that "I don't like!" Yesterday at the grocery store she found a display of pineapples and jumped for joy, grabbed one and kissed it, saying "I LOVE pineapple! I love it!!" But when I cut it all up and gave it to her she pushed it off her plate and wouldn't eat it. Who knows? It appears she could live on bananas and peanut butter and scrambled eggs, so no problem. Her obsessive activity is swimming. Everyday, it's "Go swimming today Mama?" Tragically, we don't have a pool, so we are reliant on the kindness of neighbors.
Their English is very good, especially Tinsaye's. Unfortunately, their accent is very heavy and for some reason, they sound like Boris and Natasha from the old Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons. "Vat iz zees, Mama?" "You are cRRRRRazy driver, Mama!" (rolled R). Plus they have learned English from Ethiopians who learned it from British, so they say weird non-American things like "Need a plaster!" instead of asking for a Band-Aid.
Meredith, as usual, is just floating happily along with her new brother and sister. No worries, no problems. Thomas is taking his role as oldest child WAY too seriously and worrying about them a lot. He made himself sick with anxiety right before we came home, but he's lightening up now. He's at a day camp this week, and it has been wonderful for him to have a break and do his own thing.
That's it for now. Next time I'll fill you all in on the trip.
We are all doing just great at home now. Tinsaye and Solomon are eating and sleeping really well. Solomon eats like he does everything: full bore, nonstop, intense and stay out of his way. Yesterday for lunch he ate: three pieces of pizza, a banana, an avocado, three tubes of Gogurt, a glass of juice, a glass of milk, at least two glasses of water, and he would have kept going if I hadn't removed him physically from the table. Unfortunately, about 20% of all that food wound up on him, the chair, and the floor. Using a fork is still a relatively new concept for him, since traditional Ethiopian food is mostly always served on injera flat bread and the bread is the utensil, you just shovel it into your mouth. The second Solomon realizes the meal is over, he says, "Lunch finished? Go bicycle now?" and regardless of the answer he is out the door. The only good thing is that he actually thinks the garage door is magic and we've neglected to tell him how to open it, so he can't get his bicycle into the street if we keep it down. And of course, as I mentioned in the previous post, he does not know how to ride his bicycle. When he's not perseverating on his bike, he's playing soccer with the crew of 10 year old neighborhood boys who are in awe of his amazing soccer prowess. When he's finally in bed at the end of the day, he is completely asleep in about 30 seconds. As soon as his eyes open in the morning he says, "Sleep finished. Go bicycle?"
Tinsaye is much more sophisticated and ladylike in her meal routine. She takes everything we give her, cuts it all up into tiny pieces, smooshes it all together and eats it in a "sandwich" of wheat bread, which is mostly scooped up like injera. She is pickier that Solomon and frequently doesn't want to try new things, refusing to even have them on her plate and whining dramatically that "I don't like!" Yesterday at the grocery store she found a display of pineapples and jumped for joy, grabbed one and kissed it, saying "I LOVE pineapple! I love it!!" But when I cut it all up and gave it to her she pushed it off her plate and wouldn't eat it. Who knows? It appears she could live on bananas and peanut butter and scrambled eggs, so no problem. Her obsessive activity is swimming. Everyday, it's "Go swimming today Mama?" Tragically, we don't have a pool, so we are reliant on the kindness of neighbors.
Their English is very good, especially Tinsaye's. Unfortunately, their accent is very heavy and for some reason, they sound like Boris and Natasha from the old Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons. "Vat iz zees, Mama?" "You are cRRRRRazy driver, Mama!" (rolled R). Plus they have learned English from Ethiopians who learned it from British, so they say weird non-American things like "Need a plaster!" instead of asking for a Band-Aid.
Meredith, as usual, is just floating happily along with her new brother and sister. No worries, no problems. Thomas is taking his role as oldest child WAY too seriously and worrying about them a lot. He made himself sick with anxiety right before we came home, but he's lightening up now. He's at a day camp this week, and it has been wonderful for him to have a break and do his own thing.
That's it for now. Next time I'll fill you all in on the trip.
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