Sadness, Joy, and Awe

Yesterday when I got home from work, I had a package and a letter from AAI, the agency.  In the package was a big, gorgeous coffee table book called "Faces of Layla".  This book is available for purchase from their webstore and all profits go to benefit Layla House, the orphanage where our kids are.  As I looked through it, tears were just running down my face.  Page after page showed gorgeous photos of these beautiful, resilient, courageous, funny kids living with so very little in a place so very far away.  Every one has lost their parents and yet they are the lucky ones who are safe and fed and cared for with love every day.  There were photos of their caregivers too;  the teachers, cooks, laundresses, doctors, nurses, social workers, and volunteers who care for the needs of these kids until they find families.  Also, there were terrific images of Addis Abbaba and the orphanage itself. 

My heart felt shredded.  I was filled with sadness, joy, and awe.  Sadness because there is so much loss for these kids, and for the millions of orphans around the world.  Children who are abandoned, abused, trafficked, thrown away.  I can barely comprehend their suffering and I completely cannot comprehend the adults who willingly participate in creating more suffering for them.  Joy because two of these millions of orphaned kids get to be mine!  Brian and I get to travel to Layla, meet all the children, and bring two of them into our lives forever.  Our family will forever be changed and the lives of those around us will forever be changed by their presence.  And awe because... how did I ever get here?  How in the world did this passion for abandoned children on the other side of the globe just show up in my heart and pull me toward them?  And even more unbelievable, how did the same passion show up in Brian's heart?  This was nowhere in our plan!  And I really need new carpet!  And poor Brian used to dream of a sweet ski boat.  To me, it is nothing short of a miracle.  We are simply not the same people we used to be.  God has changed everything in us, for whatever reason He has, and the "desires of our hearts" are not what they used to be.  We often look at each other and say, "We're really doing this, aren't we?"  because we are both kind of shocked still, but there's just something compelling us.  It's truly awesome (which my mom says is the most overused word in the English language, but completely accurate in this context).

So I'm sitting there poring over this book with tears and snot running down my face, overwhelmed with emotion and the power of the Holy Spirit, and I remembered there was also a letter from the agency, so I opened it.  It was a bill.  Thanks, Lord!  Hahaha, very funny.  You really have a terrific sense of humor.

This was a big one, too, which usually means something's happening to require more money.  So I called and sure enough, all our paperwork in Ethiopia was submitted to court last week and we are awaiting a court date (hopefully in the next 2, possibly 3 weeks).  Terrific news, once again, faster than we anticipated.

And then the kids came home from school, dragging in most of the foot of snow on the ground, and chaos (aka life) ensued.  It's important to document those divine moments of sadness/joy/awe because they are brief but powerfully illuminating.  I hope you have one today.