Small (?) glitch

Got a call from the agency today telling us we have a small issue.  The home study documents approve us for "two healthy children" and technically, our kiddos aren't completely healthy due to the genetic condition with their eyes.  Although they are fine right now, they have an increased risk of glaucoma and therefore are "special needs".  So our home study social worker needs to write an addendum stating that we can deal with this, get it notarized, mail it to the agency and they need to include it before they can mail the documents to ET.  So, we have a slight delay.  Worse yet, the notarized addendum also needs to go to Immigration (USCIS) who just got our home study yesterday and they may tell us to resubmit the whole thing. 

So we just move forward and hope for the best, I guess.  I'm not going to pretend this didn't upset me.  I don't want to think of these kids as "special needs" (although can you imagine any orphaned child who doesn't have special needs of some kind?) and I'm bummed about the stupid paperwork and delays.  However, I'm very glad our awesome agency caught this now before everything went to ET and got thrown out of court and we had to start all over. 

So say a prayer that USCIS clears us the first time out and things move forward smoothly from this point on.

Welcome to Our Family!

We have accepted the referral from the agency and we are so excited to tell you about our new kids!

Solomon is 6 years old.  According to the reports from the social worker at the orphanage, he is sweet and smart.  He is reading very well, better than kids older than him.  He loves to sing and eat ice cream (doesn't that sound like he belongs in this family?)  He is tiny, about 5 inches shorter and 20 lb lighter than Meredith.  We intend to feed him lots of cheeseburgers!

Tinsaye is 8 years old.  She is a very protective older sister to Solomon.  Her teacher says she is a very good student and her best subject in school at the orphanage is English.  She has made many friends and likes to be with girls her own age.  She likes to eat spaghetti and wear short skirts (not too worried... they are only short by Ethiopian standards!).  She is a couple inches taller than Meredith and 10 lbs lighter.   

The kids lost their dad about a year ago and their mother brought them to the orphanage in November, the same week we turned in our application (crazy "coincidence"?).  They are both healthy, other than being underweight, but have a genetic condition that exhibits in their eyes.  Their vision is normal but the whites of their eyes have blueish areas.  We've talked about this with our ophthalmologist and pediatrician and they don't feel that it presents a very significant issue.  We will monitor it closely because there is a risk of glaucoma, but even that is treatable.  We are impressed that they've already received good care, including an ophthalmologic evaluation in Ethiopia.  We were really struggling with making a decision about the kids and then somehow we both, separately, came to have just a clear sense of peace.  For me, it was a distinct sense that there was no decision for me to make, these kids were chosen for us. 

They are beautiful children and I'd love to plaster the blog with photos for everyone to admire, but we can't post any photos on the web until they are our legal children.  You'll have to just trust us! 

Now we just kind of hang out and wait for all our documents to go through the Ethiopian courts.  We're hoping to travel this summer.  This entire experience continues to be a true blessing. 

Are You My Kids?

I cannot even believe I am writing this, but we got a referral for two children last night.  It's inconceivable that it is all happening so fast!  I emailed the agency in the afternoon to ask another question and the social worker replied and said that she got a fax of our homestudy the day before and she was approving it right then and were we ready to see our kids' files?   I requested to see all three sibling groups that were there, but one child was actually older and our homestudy didn't qualify us for that pair.  Then another pair were requested by another family earlier yesterday (unbelievable!) so she sent us the last waiting pair. 

We've decided that we don't want to share details about the kids just yet because we need to really look at everything we've been sent, have the pediatrician review the medical documents, ask a few more questions of the agency, and spend a few days just letting it settle in before we decide to accept or decline the referral.  We have two weeks to think about it.  Until then, we could really use your prayers. 

Absolutely nothing in life prepares you to look at two little faces and wonder "are you my children?"  If so, what will you be like?  What will you think of us?  Of America?  Can we be a good mom & dad to you even though we're not the same race and we don't speak the same language?  If we decide not to accept you as our children, who will?  What will become of you if no one does?  Will we ever not see your faces in our minds and wonder?

This is one of these "hinge" moments on which our life forever turns.  I like to tell people how I stayed at my parents' house the night before our wedding and when I woke up in the morning I ran in the bathroom and started puking.  My mom came in, horrified, that I was sick on my wedding day (and potentially ruining a very important and expensive event).  But I told her "I think I'm okay, it's just that everything's changing".   The other terrifying/exciting/overwhelming time was as we were on our way out the door to go to the hospital to deliver Thomas.  I just sat down on the bed and started crying.  Brian came in, horrified, that I was having some gruesome birth trauma (that might make a mess on the floor or interfere with his eating schedule).  But I told him, "I think I'm okay, I just know it will never be the same after we leave".  Looking at the referral documents yesterday and today, I feel exactly the same way.  Definitely queasy and weepy, with just a hint of gut-cramping abject terror thrown in. 

I should not be allowed to operate heavy machinery in this state.  My drive to school today was a blur and when I stepped out of the car I looked down and thought, "Thank God I put on shoes!"  I really had no recollection of doing it, but since I wasn't wearing my slippers, I was really happy.

So we'll keep you all posted... isn't this more exciting than paperwork???

Loaves and Fishes Part 2

Lots of great news this week!  We had our final homestudy visit on Friday.  Everything looks great and our social worker plans to have the homestudy report completed by the end of next week.  A notarized copy goes to our agency and that completes our file (which will then be sent to Ethiopia and translated).  At that point we are able to receive a referral, which means the agency presents us with all the information they have about children that match our qualifications (healthy, male/female sibs between 4-10 yrs old).  Because we have really specific qualifications, we will have to wait until kids that fit our needs come to the orphanage and we anticipated waiting a long time for a referral. 

So I emailed the agency for a few other questions this week and asked if I could see their list of waiting children.  This is a list that they keep of children at the orphanage who have complete files and are "adoptable", but no one has requested them for whatever reason.  I have seen these lists in the past and they break your heart, plus I've never seen sibling groups like we are hoping for, but I decided to ask this time.  I nearly fell out of my chair when I opened the document and found that THREE pairs of healthy brother/sister siblings in our age range came to the orphanage in November!  I was overjoyed to think that they may still be waiting for families when we can accept them as a referral and that our wait might not be long at all!  I showed Brian and his first comment was "November was a horrible month in Ethiopia."  And he was exactly right... 22 kids came to the orphanage in November and are on the waiting list for families. 

I'm really excited to think that we may be able to move forward more quickly that we had dared to hope and that our kids won't have to stay at the orphanage too long.  And I still can't get over the fact that not one, not two, but three sibling groups arrived right as we began the process (loaves and fishes, baby!).  But as Brian noted, everything about adoption is bittersweet-- our joy means someone else's sorrow.  Our excitement means someone else's disappointment.  Our family growing means that another family was decimated.  It is a sobering reality, but we are choosing to focus on the positive... the joyful hope that we have for the kids soon to be ours!

Random Freak Outs

Near the end of Christmas Break I was getting bored around the house and spending WAY too much time reading adoption blogs and newsgroups and bulletin boards.  Just like when I was pregnant and read all the scary chapters at the back of "What to Expect When You're Expecting", I started to freak out.  What if our new kids won't eat anything except chicken nuggets?  What if they refuse to sleep in their beds?  What if they have lice and scabies and intestinal parasites and undiagnosed genetic disorders and grief issues and learning disabilities and post-traumatic stress disorder?  What if I am terrible at doing black girl hair and they look awful and black moms say mean things to me?  As you can tell, I became completely irrational and lost all perspective.  So Brian hugged me and restricted my computer use, which helped a lot.  But then I shared some of my anxieties with some friends.  One friend said, "You're a great mom!  Whatever comes up you will learn how to deal with it just like you've learned how to deal with stuff for your other kids."  Another friend said, "They call it 'transition' for a reason... there's hard stuff at first that doesn't stay that way and you just move forward and it becomes the new normal."  And another friend said, "Whatever God has in mind for you is His plan, and it is a PERFECT plan...beyond what you could imagine." 

I am so grateful (AGAIN!!) for the many wonderful people in my life who support me when I need it.  Not only was I encouraged immeasurably by their wisdom and kindness, but I know that they will be a source of strength for us when actual (not imagined) challenges come up.